What Is Badass?

July 27, 2011 / Posted by:

When Alex Trebek showed up to the National Geographic World Championship in CA today, he was on crutches and looking broke down. No, Sean Connery didn’t Nancy Kerrigan his ass in the green room. Alex told the audience that he tore his Achilles tendon while chasing a thieving thief out of his hotel in San Francisco this morning. Because that’s how Alex do. Yeah, I was pretty surprised to hear that Alex knows how to run too since I figured he just glides everywhere on a cloud made of the souls of Jeopardy losers.

TMZ says that 56-year-old Lucinda Moyers somehow got into Alex’s hotel room and snatched some cash and a bracelet his mother gave him. Lucinda hid that crap near an ice machine on the same floor before Alex chased her stealin’ ass down the hallway and busted his tendon. The cops later arrested Lucinda and charged her with fucking with Alex Trebek.

Okay, Alex chasing down a 56-year-old woman is making me want to sneak into the security room of that hotel to see footage of that mess. But something in the milk ain’t clean about this. Why chase a bitch down when you’re Alex Trebek and can simply pick up the phone and hit one button for hotel security? Maybe it’s because I think all crimes happen because of sneaky sex shit, but this sounds like a trick gone wrong! This sounds like a case of ho shows up, john tells ho she doesn’t look like her pictures, ho doesn’t care, john refuses to pay, ho kicks john in his tendon, ho takes whatever’s on the dresser, ho runs, john chases….BOOM. I don’t need to say “What is” before that to know it is the correct question.

That being said, this never would’ve happened if Alex didn’t shave his wondrous stache.

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