The Real Reason Why JLo Dumped Skeletor

July 27, 2011 / Posted by:

My eyes have been opened. The real reason why JLo and Skeletor’s marriage has a chalk outline around it, isn’t because of the rumors that he’s got hos in every crevice of Eternia or that he wanted a say in every piece of fabric that hugged her double pan de agua ass. A poster at Lipstick Alley (via ONTD) says it’s because JLo threw a black lace veil over her chocha and mourned the loss of all feeling down there due to Skeletor’s 11-inch crotch arm of force. SANTO DIOS! To quote my abuelita: “Aye can’t!”

First of all, whose wrist are we using as a measurement, because if it’s Skeletor’s then that’s giving me a totally different image. Skeletor could share wrist bracelets with Barbie, so that’s just making me picture his dick looking like a long tapeworm. Second of all, maybe Skeletor is just a giant walking dick with a tiny wig on its head, because I’m pretty sure he’s 11 inches long from top to bottom.

You know, when this is the first thing you see in your inbox in the morning, you know it’s a sign to log off for the day, fill the tub and stick your head in it. You bring the Calgon. For the Calgon enema, not to go in the water. It’s one of those days.

And here’s JLo trying to recover from Skeletor’s Power of Grayskull pinga while shooting What To Expect When You’re Expecting in Atlanta yesterday.

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