Rohan Marley Is Not The Father Of Lauryn Hill's Sixth Child
Pretty sure she's birthing out her seventh in the picture above. Just slide a basket under there and when she's finished, tell her ass that you'll wait there until she finally births out a new album. You can re-use the basket.
Lauryn Hill's vagina felt the no-so-familiar feeling of being torn open by a fat baby head for the sixth time earlier this week. There was a complication with the birth of Lauryn's unnamed son (I really hope that crazy named him Unnamed Son) due to his umbilical cord nearly chocking him out, but now he's doing fine. Some things that are not doing fine are Lauryn's nerves.
Last month, Rohan Marley, the father of Lauryn's five other kids, excused his dick from being blamed for knocking her up again. There were also rumors Rohan dropped a knocked up Lauryn for Brazilian model Isabeli Fontanta. Lauryn is now putting a finger to the mouths of gossip talking bitches and is basically confirming that Rohan isn't the father. Lauryn posted this on Twitter last night.
Mr. Marley and I have a long and complex history about which MANY inaccuracies have been reported since the beginning. To speculate without the facts can only cause people to form WRONG conclusions. We both value privacy and for that reason defend and preserve our right to it. Contrary to numerous reports, Mr. Marley did not abandon me while pregnant with his child. We have had long periods of separation over the years but our 5 children together remain a joy to both of us. Thank you for you concern and I appreciate all the well wishes regarding the birth of my new son.
So that's that. Lauryn has added a second baby father to her stud farm and Rohan's hands will be busy writing huge child support checks every month. Glad we could clear that up. Now can Lauryn please throw a WILL BE BACK sign over her overworked womb and sing that statement out over the sound of clapping hands (or something) so we have something new from her to listen to? Less birthing, more singing.
via Washington Post