Either Papa Smurf is trying to smuggle in a handful of Smurf Berries or trying to motorboat Katy Perry’s chichis with his nose erection has left him with a slight case of Smurf Bulge. What kind of SUCIO behavior do you expect from a permanently topless forest daddy who doesn’t have nipples to twerk so he has to get his fuck buzz from his other parts? Papa Smurf better slip on his mirror mask and start trolling The Rambles part of Smurf Village if he wants Vanity to Smurf the Smurf out of him.
And yes, a trailer for a children’s movie taught me that you can make everything sound extra raunchy filthy dirty if you just slap a Smurf on it.
Here’s a newly yallaw-haired Katy Perry, Neil Patrick Harris with his dude David, Alan Cumming, Brooke Shields, Hank Azaria (Who is checking for Smurf dingles before he starts Smurf tossing. See what I mean?), Sofia Vergara and Jayma Mays at last night’s NYC premiere of The Smurfs.