MOMENTS Brought To You By Mimi’s Crazy Ass

July 25, 2011 / Posted by:

When Mimi rides the rainbow glitter caravan into the HSN studios, you know she’s going to give us MOMENTS upon MOMENTS upon MOMENTS! Moments that make you feel like you’re trapped in an airless butterfly sanctuary with a poetry slamming drag queen who keeps spraying you in the face with lamb piss. Moments that make you wonder if all of HSN’s carbon monoxide detectors need to get their batteries changed. Moments that can be found in the psychiatric file of an insane lamb whose in a catatonic state from a lollipop overdose.

“I’ll have the moment she’s having.” – Oprah and every damn Precious Moments figurine

I don’t speak fluent Lambanese, so I can’t even begin to translate the candy coated ridiculousness that slid down her unicorn tongue. You know how when someone gets heatstroke, they spit out a word salad with a side of nonsense dressing? The scrambled words that come out of their mouths make more sense than what came out of Mimi’s. But I hope whichever Lisa Frank folder in Mimi’s head that these thoughts come from never closes, because this shit is gold right out of a swan’s ass.

I mean, I don’t know what the hell a “camouflagian moment” is, but I feel my life will be bleak if I don’t have at least one, dahling!

Thanks to Matt at Gawker for sitting through all of Mimi’s 2-hour-long insanity parade and shrinking it down to 4 short minutes.

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