MOMENTS Brought To You By Mimi's Crazy Ass

When Mimi rides the rainbow glitter caravan into the HSN studios, you know she's going to give us MOMENTS upon MOMENTS upon MOMENTS! Moments that make you feel like you're trapped in an airless butterfly sanctuary with a poetry slamming drag queen who keeps spraying you in the face with lamb piss. Moments that make you wonder if all of HSN's carbon monoxide detectors need to get their batteries changed. Moments that can be found in the psychiatric file of an insane lamb whose in a catatonic state from a lollipop overdose.

"I'll have the moment she's having." - Oprah and every damn Precious Moments figurine

I don't speak fluent Lambanese, so I can't even begin to translate the candy coated ridiculousness that slid down her unicorn tongue. You know how when someone gets heatstroke, they spit out a word salad with a side of nonsense dressing? The scrambled words that come out of their mouths make more sense than what came out of Mimi's. But I hope whichever Lisa Frank folder in Mimi's head that these thoughts come from never closes, because this shit is gold right out of a swan's ass.

I mean, I don't know what the hell a "camouflagian moment" is, but I feel my life will be bleak if I don't have at least one, dahling!

Thanks to Matt at Gawker for sitting through all of Mimi's 2-hour-long insanity parade and shrinking it down to 4 short minutes.

Posted by: Michael K

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Crazy • Mariah Carey

Submitted by Juniperjump on Tue, 07/26/2011 - 8:54am.

ARGH--- that voice droning on and on would drive me mad. It has!!

Submitted by ortiz on Tue, 07/26/2011 - 3:43am.

They needed Courtney Love to come on set and throw her makeup compact at Mariah like she did with Madonna years ago, now THAT would be an epic battle of crazy vs. crazy I'd love to see

Submitted by JillTyrrell on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 9:55pm.

you have to keep em in for as long as possible, like a cake or souffle.

Submitted by JillTyrrell on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 9:54pm.

you have to keep em in for as long as possible, like a cake or souffle.

Submitted by SnAtChQuAtCh on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 9:07pm.

Man, what a control freak! "Don't film me right now!" "Okay film me!" "DON'T FILM ME DOING THIS!" "Okay film me"

Submitted by Centaurious on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 8:53pm.

I knew it!

MK sold the blog to Gawker so he could go on to other things, (which he deserves, he's AWESOME!)

The writing has become shoddy and boring, much like Gawker, and they don't put anything too amazing on Dlisted because Nick Denton is fucking greedy and wants it all for Gawker.

Well, MK worked his ass off for years.

I still give this blog hits, if only to watch the slow and painful destruction of a national treasure.

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GERONIMO!

Submitted by Bjork You on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 8:40pm.

This is what a star is!

Submitted by bookworm on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 8:29pm.

Good god she's annoying.

Submitted by grounder on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 5:34pm.

At least she is not a total dimwit like Beyonce, who has to memorize lines for her scripted/pre-rehearsed interviews.

Mariah definitely brings the crazzzaaay, but at least she does not seem mean-spirited or bitchy.

Submitted by becky n sydney on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 5:20pm.

Submitted by Madam Pince on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 6:48pm.

Hahaha! Nice distinction!

Submitted by Madam Pince on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 5:18pm.

"Submitted by becky n sydney on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 6:21pm.

Mimi is one fired up Slim Jim away from being Wendy Williams."

Nononononononono. Wendy Williams's crazy is an act. Mimi is mentally out-of-pocket.

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"Go away, woman. My cheating medicine will not help you. Even if you win you will still be ugly." ~~ Christopher Moore, Coyote Blue

Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 4:59pm.

She sounds so TIRED! How the hell does she sell anything?

♥ Threadkilla!
RIP, Amy: Sep14,1983 to Jul23,2011
http://youtu.be/Con6WaimJ6c

Submitted by becky n sydney on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 4:51pm.

Mimi is one fired up Slim Jim away from being Wendy Williams.

I'm guessing Matt at Gawker is now on medication.

Submitted by electrique on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 4:42pm.

I love it when celebrities display organic craziness. Lady Gaga wishes she had it like Ms. Carey.

Submitted by fishsticksfan on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 4:13pm.

I'm just happy she doesn't do a high pitched baby talk voice.

Submitted by spankypants on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 3:13pm.

Camoflagian moment is the new Montenegro style.

Submitted by Katieh on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 3:13pm.

I went to the hospital when I was pregnant and the nurse asked me how many weeks I was along, I said, "37 months" She said, are you sure, I said indignantly, "YES, I know how far along I am!" The nurse ignored me, thank goodness.

Submitted by Albatross on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 3:06pm.

Her singing voice is amazing, but I've always thought her speaking voice was Godawful. It's monotone or something. Really boring to listen to.

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"It's all fun and farts until somebody gets punched." -MK

Submitted by Chola_ on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 1:17pm.

Submitted by Nancy Grace on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 12:55pm.

I's. is. dead.

Submitted by Emeriesan on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 12:56pm.

Haha, weirdly I find her crazy quite likeable, it's like she is possessed by Kim Zolciak.

WHY ARE YOU NOT WEARING DIAMONDS FROM HEAD TO TOE?

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Nigella and Jamie ain't got shit on Titli !
http://titlisbusykitchen.com/

Submitted by Defined1 on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 12:42pm.

She's so crazy. And I wouldn't have her any other way. Love her.
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It's not that serious.

Submitted by Stoney on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 12:41pm.

"Ohhhhhh mah gawd it was so hard being faaat and I couldn't wear mah Minolos and my hello kitty coochie cutters were too small!! Everything was soooooo scary I had those babies for 47 weeks and then they put me under and poof! There they were! They came right out of me such a miracle! And it's so haaaaaaaard being a new mommy right now, I only have four nannies and Nick works twiiiiice a weeeeeeek at America's Got Male Pole Dancers I mean can you imagine! I guess you can't if you aren't a mommmmmy like meeeee!"

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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."

Submitted by flori-duh on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 12:35pm.

Lawd hab mercy, I jist loves Miz Mariah and all her fancy schmancy bling blang crap.

"$13.00" she cries... like gold plated dreck should cost mo? Jeez, I would love to luxuriate in one of her shoe closests now that would be heaven to me....

Miz Vavoline

Submitted by MissDLC on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 12:31pm.

Love this crazy woman, how entertaining. "There are like 5 cameras...I don't know where to look. I didn't know there was math involved." I'm sure she got her drink on before this taping. Crazy!

Submitted by char on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 12:17pm.

Shut up you tiresome cow.

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I'm countin' on Jesus at this point.

Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 12:07pm.

Well, she's entertaining, I'll give her that.

47 weeks? LOL. Maybe it SEEEEEMED that way, Mariah.

Submitted by Infamous on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 12:07pm.

Her and Nick Cannon's marriage has to be a sham I know damn well no man is putting up with that craziness on top of two newborns!

www.theinfamouslife.com
www.twitter.com/so_infamous

Submitted by chaka1 on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 12:05pm.

I love the crazy ho. I am so happy she has children now. I hope those babies are giving her hell.

Submitted by Lady RedBush on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 12:02pm.

Ativan, Xanax, Valium, Klonopin, Buspar, Paxil, Versed, Librium & Tranxene washed down with a glass of Pink Champale!

Submitted by XENUS BUTT PLUG on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 12:01pm.

oh WAHHHHH you popped out some babayas---NO ONE EVER DID THAT EVER IN THE HISTORY OF EARTH! YOU ARE SOME GODLY MOTHER FUCKER!

Submitted by Yaya Whitehouse on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 12:01pm.

I can only hope she remains on this HSN racket ho stroll, because I am sick of witnessing and hearing to her failed attempts at a music career, shit will the medicated early 90s Mariah please stand up and slap this Mimi bitch.

Submitted by vegetablelollipop on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 11:53am.

But, you know we LIVE for this from our divas.
If they didn't give us dramz then they'd be USELESS!
I take back. Miss Mimi can sing too.

I'm off to lunch (meaning midday cocktails), Dlisted!

Bye!

Submitted by Oxygen on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 11:51am.

Is she drunk?

Submitted by cake coke and cock on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 11:50am.

In a way, she reminds me of a wealthy grandmother rushing on from one sentence to the next, rasping an eyebrow every once in a while with an open hand eternally positioned to: très chic,. The droning tone as she articulates each word extra slowly, making up for poor verbs and bad decisions between what should be said out loud and what clearly mustn't. I bet everyone around her is always embarrassed and in a rush to leave. I also sense she hasn't sucked cock in decades. And this may very well be the catalyst.

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Don't make me quote Nabokov at you. I'll do it. I promise.

Submitted by MIRROR BORE on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 11:49am.

BITCH, shut yo mouth. Shit out your 2 brats. And keep on moving.

Submitted by Dirk Diggler on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 11:48am.

Can you imagine Mimi delivering those babies? The non stop bitching, the high-pitch notes, the endless flow of non sequiturs... The staff probably all went on disability afterwards...

Submitted by rukiddingme on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 11:47am.

I could only watch a few seconds of this mess. Her earrings are ugly and her non-stop chattering of nonsense just got on my nerves.

Nancy Grace ~ you are too funny.

www.petfinder.com - enter your zip code to find adoptable pets in your area.

www.animalrescuesite.com - click everyday to help feed animals in shelters.

Submitted by Goldigga on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 11:45am.

47 weeks my ARSE. I went to 41 and a half and my son's skin was peeling off. Twins are usually born early anyway so this is total bullshit

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 11:44am.

I bet Nick is in absolute heaven when he sees her sashay her big ass in to the bedroom wearing her pink nighgown, pink fuzzy slipper, pink ass robe with the white furry shit on the neck while doin the vicodin slur calling him Schmoopey Schmoopey. He should be inducted in to the national gold digging hall of fucking FAME for putting up with her... not that he is such a great prize, I don't analyze the menz on that level... please allow me to introduce my esteemed colleague, Dr. Suck N Fuck, for his analysis.
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*paging Suzie Fuller*

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 11:44am.

Is this her idea of being charming? Her manerism could make even the world's greatest womanizer instantly go gay. Major air-head alert!

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Who are you calling silly cow?

Submitted by Nanners on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 11:40am.

Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 1:06pm.
47 weeks... right. Cause ANY doctor would let a pregnancy go an additional 7 weeks so "DEM BABIES" can float around in green amniotic fluid and get nice and wrinkley,
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What's the problem? I roasted a chicken yesterday and left it in the oven for an extra 10 minutes and it turned out great!

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What kind of fuckery is this?

Submitted by christine the hoff on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 11:39am.

Jack
I'd run for the hills if she got a fucking hangnail... jesus.

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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.

Submitted by guest on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 11:38am.

LMFAO @ Nancy Grace & Sucky!!

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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 11:38am.

Submitted by christine the hoff on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 1:04pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 1:01pm.

Thank you Jack.
it's just that these whiny cunts can't do something the WHOLE world does every second of every day without having a fucking drama
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I can't imagine being around her while she is PMS'ing.... or breathing for that matter.

_____________________________________________
*paging Suzie Fuller*

Submitted by Oxygen on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 11:37am.

THHHWOP (across her shiney assed fivehead)
*re-attaches dangling balls to back of pick-up*

Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 11:36am.

47 weeks... right. Cause ANY doctor would let a pregnancy go an additional 7 weeks so "DEM BABIES" can float around in green amniotic fluid and get nice and wrinkley, so by 7 weeks over they are as brittle as a Grandpa`s nutsack....

I can`t believe i share a birthday with this cunt.

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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs

Submitted by louise_brooks on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 11:34am.

It's like she's the human equivalent of those magnetic poetry fridge magnets- just randomly saying whatever word pops into her mind. "Popsicle bee Xbox candle sharpener Hogwarts, lamb baby!"

I don't know what that English guy makes, but that day it was not enough.

Submitted by christine the hoff on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 11:34am.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 07/25/2011 - 1:01pm.

Thank you Jack.
it's just that these whiny cunts can't do something the WHOLE world does every second of every day without having a fucking drama.... sheesh.
M.E., right? she must be the first ever to have twins.

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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.