John Travolta better work on his fightin’ moves, because it’s looking like he’ll have to scrap with a bitch for the last possum carcass left on the side of the road. The bitch being Ben Affleck. As the woodland creatures mourned the loss of their own, Ben strolled around L.A. with a stale Bieber strapped to his dome and shit looks a mess. If Ben wants to browse through the Raquel Welch wig collection for a new look, fine. But couldn’t he couldn’t he sit next to Beyonce for some wig advice (wigvice?), because that dreadful sick mop of mess on his head looks like it should have an IV stuck in the top of it while it sleeps in a cage at the ASPCA. Don’t stare at it too long or that Sarah McLachlan song will start playing and you’ll start looking for an 800 number to flash on your screen.
Where the hell is a scorned Miss Brazil loser when you really need one?