Bikini models hoping to spend the rest of summer sunning their nipples on a yacht in the South of Wherever should stop waiting to a call for a go see at Leonardo DiCatchaho’s office, because the dude is not back to catching hos. Now Magazine said earlier this week that Leo pushed Blake Lively off of his dick because his mom thought she was too far up her own oatmeal ass. (I’m trying to picture that image too and I’m coming up with this.) Either Now was freebasing Wite-Out and made this mess up or Leo’s mother realized that she can’t be mean to a ho who has the face constipated pony with heatstroke.
Because UsWeekly says that Blake and Leo were buying sunglasses together at some store in Santa Barbara, CA on Wednesday. Some source they were holding on to each other the whole time and then went on to BLAH BLAH this out, “They seemed very much in love. They were in the store for about 10 minutes before a crowd of fans noticed them and they rushed out.”
Sooooo Blaaaaaaaaaake and Leeeeeeeooooooo are stiiiiiiiiil fuuuuuucking. Yes, I’m trying to make you care about this by using as many vowels as possible so it reads like I’m screaming it out full-mouth. Didn’t work, I know. So for your troubles, here’s a video of a baby sloth giving his response to this post: