ScarJo And Justin Bartha Got Gross With Each Other, Or Something

Page Six says that while Ryan Reynolds bumped nipples with Charlize Theron and Sean Penn did bumps off of a nipple, ScarJo bumped brains with Ashley Olsen’s ex Justin Bartha at a party for the off-Broadway play All New People on Saturday night. Do brains have nipples? Because if so, that’s the part of their brains that bumped together.

A witness type says that ScarJo and Justin, who’s in those Hangover movies, were “engrossed” in each other and spent the entire night canoodling with each other’s words. The witness went on, “There were about 15 people at the table, but Scarlett and Justin sat next to each other and talked all night. They seemed pretty fascinated with each other and only talked to each other. It looked sometimes flirty, but also they seemed to be involved in a deep discussion.”

Since we all know that you only get “engrossed” in a trick if you want to get gross with them later on, ScarJo and Justin totally did it. Two celebrities cannot share a conversation without sharing each other’s genital juices later. It’s just not possible. But ScarJo is doing what she needs to do. You know when you eat something that leaves a layer of ICK NAST on the roof of your mouth and you have to gargle with everything and anything to get the taste out? That’s what ScarJo is doing. After riding on Sean Penn for way too long, she’s just cleansing her poon palate. I think the exact medical phrase is called, “Listerine-ing your cooch.”