With all the rumors going around that Prince Albert’s marriage to Charlene Wittstock is the stuff fake is made of, he decided to invite three French media outlets into his palace to clear the smoke made by his prisoner bride’s heels when she tried to run from the altar.
Prince Albert didn’t address specific rumors like how he barebacked a love child into another ho or how Charlene tried to smuggle herself out of the country in Princess Stephanie’s coke nose. Prince Albert only said that he’s so mad about these rumors that he could spit on the vagina of one of his whores and make another hush hush baby as Charlene hums the melody of a Johnny Cash song from her ivory cell.
People reports that while Charlene held his hand, Prince Albert told the French press that they really need to stop with the constant lies or ELSE
he’ll put a baby in their wombs too. Prince Albert cried, “What is regrettable is that the media seized on these rumors without verifying their information. I find it unworthy of your colleagues. I have always respected the freedom of expression. But the dissemination of false information is lamentable and subject to criminal penalties.”
Prince Albert refused to answer any questions, but he did talk about the rumor that he and Charlene stayed in different hotels during their honeymoon. Prince Albert explained, “Sometimes these rumors made us smile, such as when the media explained that the princess and I had not slept in the same hotel in South Africa. It was for practical reasons of course.”
Of course, the reasons were practical. I’d check into a different hotel too if I couldn’t raw fuck a South African hooker in peace, because my selfish wife kept weeping all-loud like in her room and the sound traveled through the vents. Shut up, you boo hoo baby! Some of us are trying to cheat on you here!
At the end of the press conference, Princess Charlene was asked if she had anything to add and she only said, “No. I think that says it all.”
That’s funny. Those are the EXACT words Stepford Katie said during her wedding when Father Xenu asked her to recite her vows after Tommy Girl gave his in the form of an interpretive dance set to the Top Gun theme song.