Thursday, July 21st 2011
The Photoshop Awards: Katie Holmes On Vogue España
If John Travolta's leather daddy closet and every outfit En Vogue has ever worn collided into a statue chiseled from a giant foundation stick, it might look like the cover of Vogue Espana starring Katie Holmes. A peeled rutabaga wrapped in black lace would look more like Katie Holmes than Katie Holmes does on this cover, but I actually like it. The whole thing is ridiculous since Katie is vanilla as vanilla can be (even if you covered her with creamed leather and top her with a leather cherry), but I still like it. Katie is showing Tommy that he's not the only bitch in the family who can cock a leather daddy hat to the side ("Still wouldn't" - Tommy) and this cover has also given me my new favorite safe word: "¡Guau!"
via ONTD
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When you have money, you don't need looks or talent because you can buy whatever and whoever you want. Tom bought her the position as an Anne Taylor model, a Vogue magazine model, a clothes designer, an actress and who knows what else.
Like Anne Hathaway, Katie just can't be sexy. Too bland. Way too vanilla.
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I'd add Natalie Portman to this list. Pretty enough but no sex appeal at all.
Actually like this, minus the hat.
It is there to cover up one thing not even photoshop could help: Katie has shit hair.
She IS that thin though and I think the reason some photos do not look like her has more to do with the fact that they airbrushed her face and not her body, which we usually don't see, unless it's the obligatory yearly bikini pap shot.
If this is Katie Holmes, then I am Cleopatra. Katie is a nice girl, but not even pretty, let alone this beautiful. And as for being super model slim, forget it. The Spanish Vogue is crazy to think that this kind of photo shopping will fool any one. And leave Tom Cruise alone, he is what he says he is, a married hetero, and a father.Any one who thinks differently eat your heart out, especially you MK!
Team Low Rise flared leg
Now your making me feel self conscious for saying Guau all the time ;)
Submitted by SpiceDong on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 1:47pm.
LOL
no es lo mismo "un metro de encaje negro" que "un negro te encaje un metro"
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LOL Definitivamente no es lo mismo :D
Submitted by Nanners on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 2:43pm.
Posh *might* have been able to pull this off but Katie looks ridiculous.
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I thought of the same person! This just isn't right. Those pictures have been more than just touched up.
"Cada día trato de hacerle saber a Tom lo mucho que le quiero."
I am so sure. Like *thismuch*?
if you stuck a penis on her, tommy girl would be giddy at these pictures
GUAU! Katie Holmes finalmente salio de su casa!
(Wow! Katie Holmes finally left her house!)
Guau! Katie Holmes se ve bonita pero ella dice que Tom Cruise se ve espectacular en el vestido que el le presto!)
(Wow! Katie Holmes looks pretty but she says that Tom Cruise looks spectacular in the dress that he let her borrow!)
GUAU! (I just love writing that) ; )
I hope she didn't pay for any of those. She was okay in Thank you for Smoking but naked most of the time.
What ALL you are trying to say is that after xamount of years as a sciencewhore to Tommygirl, she is now offically braindead.
and braindead is not sexy.
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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.
Theoretically, these pics should send me a-swooning, but alas, no lady boner. Granted this looks way better than the gray, lithium-soaked zombie look she usually rocks, but as Tommy said, still wouldn't.
☆•☆•☆
Therefore be silent, and keep your forked tongue behind your teeth. I have not passed through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a serving-man till the lightning falls. - Gandalf the motherfucking White
Didn't recognize her without the inveterate Bell's Palsy smile.
She does look like Angelina here- the photoshopped lips,strong bone structure, skinny ass body, black clothing and the whole dominatrix image. I think Angie should sue her for stealing her identity. just saying..
She's v pretty but it is so weird..something just so asexual about her. Or just unsexy. Rememeber the clip mk posted of her doing this "sexy" dance routine and tom cruise awkwardly watching? It was cringe worthy and so uncomfortable. Its weird b.c even ugly people I can see they have some sex appeal somehow..what it is about her!? Ugh. I saw one pic of her and her teeth in the front looked broken/like jagged edges. It was wild.
She says everything is "amazing" in interviews so gross.
WTF??
Even the most vanilla rice porridge would look all sexy-assed and ready to cunnilingus wearing black leather and suspenders (well, at least to ME) but she has no sex appeal, no playful soul, just NOTHING. How is that possible? She isn't ick or anything. Just NOTHING.
Submitted by no kidding on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 1:59pm.
Her wedding rings and Suri necklace say it all. This woman isn't sexy. She's sexless!
Also, she needs to get her ears clipped!
*dies*
You guys are effing, ok fucking hilarious!
She does have great bone structure and pretty face and I'm talking pre-photoshop. It's a shame about her life but money is amazing aphrodisiac especially when you're a middle class kid from Toledo. Hell, she's probably happy.
Those could have been marvelous had she put even the slightest 'something' in the eyes.
Me thinks Tommy Girl has a fetish for Nazism. Didn't he do a movie where he dressed up like this?
Tom let this sad bitch out of the basement for this???
must have been some dick involved. For him, not her.
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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.
Thankfully the Españoles photoshopped her cankles out. In Spanish they're called los cankules. Actually I have no idea if that's true or not.
"Satchels of Gold."
Photoshopped? It's a whole f*$£@&# mall!
Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 12:47pm.
I hope she put these outfits away for Suri when she grows up to be a Nazi Stripper
Hahahahahaha! *snort*
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Mr. Kinney is so vain:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=895h7Fr0m-o
She has ZERO sex appeal, but she keeps trying to convince us otherwise. Attention, Katiebot: WE'RE NOT BUYING IT.
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Mr. Kinney is so vain:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=895h7Fr0m-o
Ooops... sizzle
(973) Jersey Strong
Was this her idea to try and add sizle & spice to her persona?
(973) Jersey Strong
Submitted by louise_brooks on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 12:38pm.
LOL What is this?!? It's like she trying to glam up the Ava Braun story.
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Ha! So true.
♥ Threadkilla!
Real Life Twitter, Celebrity Edition:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6550621/real-life-twitter-2-celebrity-...
Posh *might* have been able to pull this off but Katie looks ridiculous.
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twerk those stumps!
Stop raiding your "husband's" closet; he meant for those outfits to be worn by the poolboy, whore!!
Xenu, I hate this cunt!!!
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"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face." - A Shore Thing, by the
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 12:43pm.
stoney - I like bootcut, flare makes me look short (I think) plus, since I'm a clumsey ho, I trip over super flare
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This reminds me of a horrible experience wearing super-flared jeans when I was in Budapest. I was stepping off a streetcar and my right foot got tangled in the hem of my left pant leg, because they were so FUCKING flared. I tripped down 3 steps off the streetcar, onto the tracks, where a streetcar full of people stared in HORROR as another streetcar came barreling down on me. I was on my back, unable to right myself, like a cockroach. The streetcar screeched to a stop about 5 feet in front of me. Holy crap, talk about embarrassing.
Her wedding rings and Suri necklace say it all. This woman isn't sexy. She's sexless!
Also, she needs to get her ears clipped!
I hate how with these celeb shots the caption is always "[insert celeb name here] like you've never seen them before"
it's ironic how that caption is always used to describe the most bland and single-faceted people.
this is how Katie always looks...sporting an emotional "I wish I weren't here right now" sticker on her forehead.
Submitted by melmez on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 12:35pm.
I can. She has an incredibly generic face with jagged teeth, dead eyes and an annoying smile.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
She's wearing Tommy's midweek light-bondage gear.
Submitted by melmez on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 12:35pm.
Many things can be said about this woman...crazy, bad actress, married a bigger crazy than her...but nobody can deny that she is simply gorgeous
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She WAS cute, in a girl next door sort of way, before Tommy Girl got ahold of her and sucked all the life away. Now she looks listless.
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 12:44pm.
"encaje negro labios nude" sounds hot and racist!
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LOL
no es lo mismo "un metro de encaje negro" que "un negro te encaje un metro"
"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated" - Father Andrés
Just silly.
Wow. She hasn't looked like that since .... EVER !! :\
these days, she just looks like a bag of dirty laundry. it's a shame. that marriage sucked the life right outta her.
Main photo she looks kin to Angelina! The extreme angled jaw, the smokey bedroom eye and they've puffed up and pulled out her mouth. Almost unrecognizable as Katie. I Do however Love that mask shot.
I kinda feel bad for her, as bad as I can feel for a bazillionaire, she seems like a pretty little bird caught in a cage. Tom has just sucked the life and vitality from her. Sad, since she's still young.
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"If you're going through hell, keep going" ~ Winston Churchill
LMAO @ Snowy!
I hope she put these outfits away for Suri when she grows up to be a Nazi Stripper
"encaje negro labios nude" sounds hot and racist!
the cover looks like they totally pasted her face on some lanky model's body.
No matter what she does or wears, Katie just doesn't have the sexy gene.
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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated" - Father Andrés
Submitted by ethang on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 12:15pm.
Like Anne Hathaway, Katie just can't be sexy. Too bland. Way too vanilla.
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That's what I was thinking, but me thinks these pics are proving me wrong, because this kitteh is owning every frame,"¡Guau!"
I thought it was Julia Roberts.
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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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Very Very VERY photoshopped.
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All together now: FUCK MY LIFE. - The One-and-Only Michael K- 6/17/11
Much as I have a weakness for tall slender women--well, short voluptious ones as well--I have seen kate in a bikini and just not feeling the love. Now in real life, I would hit it, but there are much hotter celebrities to fantasize over and she doesn't make the cut.
So... MK, looks like lilo is getting another tongue-lashing from the judge--the judge has wrestled with her canse and finally put her finger on the lilo's problem. Apparently she is too poor to afford court-ordered psychological counselling...
Well I could say more, but I know you will give it the proper coverage. ;)
Submitted by melmez on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 12:35pm.
Many things can be said about this woman...crazy, bad actress, married a bigger crazy than her...but nobody can deny that she is simply gorgeous
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I can. Droopy, soulless eyes are not attractive. Nor are flat faces, wide mouths and disfigured legs.
Just checking, GOD!!
*sticks out tongue*
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Stoney - DUH!!!! I checked my emails from ON to make sure I had a discount code in there somewhere! LMAO!