Jennifer Aniston And Her Piece Hold Hands

July 21, 2011 / Posted by:

The only member of The Homewreckers Club who knitted a cozy for her membership card and Justin Theroux left an afterparty for the Horrible Bosses premiere in London last night with their hands hugging each other. If you open your window and pull up your shirt, your nipples will get tickled by a quick breeze from hundreds of body language experts running towards every office of every tabloid to dissect these pictures down to their toes. What does it all mean?

Why is Justin Theroux straining in the face like that? Is it because his brain is communicating with his bowels and trying to figure out if that rumble down below is from the drunk farts or the drunk diarrheas? Or is he still stunned from his pre-fiancee telling him she wants THIS for a pre-engagement present? Why is Jennifer Aniston holding her purse like that? Did she do that so it can look like a corn cob and corn comes from Iowa and Brad Pitt comes from Oklahoma and Iowa is sort of (not really) near Oklahoma and OMG IT’S A SIGNAL TO BRAD!

I’m sure all these questions and more including why is Justin Theroux morphing into Eddie Munster will be answered in the next issue of TouchMyDirtStar Weekly and in The Manastealin Daily newsletter Maddox puts on every bunk in the child army barracks each morning.

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