Just Call Her Fartney Spears
Finally, a story that has two of my favorite things: farts & Cheetos!
Fernando Flores is that former bodyguard of Brit Brit Spears who claimed last year that she belt beat her Cheetolings and constantly tried to get him to turn her down low pastry puff into a pig in a blanket. Every now and again, Fernando crawls out from under his roach cave to make what he thinks are scandalous claims hoping that it will help his $10 million sexual harassment case against Our Lady of Cheetos.
Fernando is back and this time he's saying Brit Brit did meth, farted all the time, picked boogers without apologizing, stayed away from shower nozzles and had the hygiene of a sewer possum's ass. Yes, Fernando must be new here, because that information wouldn't make us push out a shockface in 2008, so it sure as hell isn't going to have that effect now. But let's humor Fernando since he's talking about farts!
Radar got a hold of the documents that Fernando filed in court recently and this is what he has to say about how Brit picked out nose nuggets her weave would run from and how her butt would constantly burp out un-auto tuned farts.
He claims, "Defendant Spears was mentally unstable, and personally obnoxious and demanding, requiring her staff on various occasions and for no rationally discernible reasons to address her as "Jennifer" or "Queen Bee," on other occasions, Defendant Spears would cut her hair in an erratic fashion, leaving uneven and bald spots on her head."Spears had obnoxious personal habits, such as chain smoking cigarettes, which made her smell continually of stale tobacco," he wrote in his court document.
"She broke wind or picked her nose unselfconsciously and unapologetically before Plaintiff (Flores) and others and she was constantly and gratuitously loud and profane in her speech.
She did not bathe for days on end, did not use deodorant, did not brush her teeth, did not fix her hair, did not wear shoes or socks."
If there were zero "nots" in that statement then it would be something straight out of The Department of New Information!!!!, but that is not the case. But Fernando did get one thing wrong. Brit Brit only pushed her ass out to pre-recorded farts. Fart-synching, thankyouverymuch. Fernando better correct that, because Brit Brit has a reputation to uphold.
• 
*comes back from Iguanas Bar* WTFFFFF is going on???!!!! Not sure what's happening really. so many comments to read. Just wanted to say...remember IGNORE THE BULLSHIT anyone gives you. Specially in this place.
Some of us have been targeted by someone/some...let it be.Maybe they are jealous??!! believe whatever you want. you know what is true. and who is true. at the end...this is the internet...people will make up shit.
Just be cool and don't respond to negativity. Just sayin. I love a lot of you...and you know who you are.
Keep it cool and don't ENGAGE to negativity towards you. If we all thought the same the world would be boring but don't target or talk shit in a public internet zone about anyone. that is low! Take it easy...again much love! Peace the fuck out!!!
Coma Caca!
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Mehh who gives a fuck? If this is all true, I'm sure Britney still has better hygiene than most of the filthy fucks who live in this garbage dump of a country.
USA has gone to shit. There are millions with no homes or jobs who live below the poverty line. So everyone can suck it.
Don't blame Britney for being forced into sex slavery at such a young age, MK victims derail around the age of 30.
Submitted by dramaqueen365247 on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 9:08pm
LOVE YOU, TOO, BABES!
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
Submitted by Eileenie McMeanie on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 9:03pm.
Love you, 'Leenie!
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I LUV DQ AND ANYONE WHO DOESN'T CAN SUCK IT!
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
You know what? Don't make fun of kids, PERIOD. All of the comments about Britney's children are absolutely disgusting. For the people who regularly write vile comments about these kids, you know who you are. Whatever you think of their mother, they did not ask to be born. Grown adults should know better - ESPECIALLY mothers who can empathize with having their children bullied. Shameful.
can't look at Britney's booty anymore, folks!
*motor boats drama*... *slides out thread door*
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
♥ 'Leenie freaking ROCKS! That is all! ♥
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Submitted by Eileenie McMeanie on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 8:23pm.
LOLOLOLOLOL, ESE! You know I lubz me some you so I'll let this pass!!!
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i figured that i could get away with it, once!... heeheehee!!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
LOLOLOLOLOL, ESE! You know I lubz me some you so I'll let this pass!!!
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
Submitted by Eileenie McMeanie on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 8:13pm.
Why hate someone you've never met or will ever meet? I've met 8 DLers and I've loved them all. All were exactly as they appeared. I just don't get the hate for anyone else. Are you really THAT unhappy that you have to sit on a gossip blog all day with different identities to make yourself feel better? Grow up, for fuck's sake.
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oh look!... Leenie's using logic!... sign of the end of days, or reason to give out ice cream sandwiches?... you decide?!LOL!
*smooches to Leenie*
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 8:13pm.
Darling, you get a free motor boat pass!
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Submitted by dramaqueen365247 on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 8:07pm.
ESE, you still here, sweet man? Thank you, & many hugs & kisses!
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sure, that's all fine and dandy, but... what about some motorboating privileges?.... heeheeeheee!!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
I love all you queers and especially miss ESE, Urmomma, UBF, CSG and Cappy(-----see you in the other place), BUT anyone who hates on DQ or M.E. doesn't KNOW them and that is sad. Why hate someone you've never met or will ever meet? I've met 8 DLers and I've loved them all. All were exactly as they appeared. I just don't get the hate for anyone else. Are you really THAT unhappy that you have to sit on a gossip blog all day with different identities to make yourself feel better? Grow up, for fuck's sake.
NIGHT NIGHT!!!!
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
ESE, you still here, sweet man? Thank you, & many hugs & kisses!
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Submitted by caprica six on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 4:49pm.
Separately, my baby bro is alive; at a shelter for recovery, but alive.
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now this right here is such a great thing to read!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MoGHGaN_HQs
*tips hat*... *gives a wink and a smile to all of ya*
-----------------------------
"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Submitted by urmomma on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 5:30pm.
Thank you. I feel worst about ESE. I couldn't care less what that freaking nutcase says about me. I know who I am, & I know what it is. But I very much appreciate so many kind people reaching out! THAT is the dlisted I fell in love with!
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Submitted by caprica six on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 6:10pm.
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 6:08pm.
but for now just breathe, stare at the sunset,
________
Holy shit, CSG, I did just that today. *full on bawls again, srsly
love ya
_________________________________
Cappy - cry it all out, it's the body's way of purging negativity. I went my whole life believing that crying was "weak", then when I got the notice that my divorce was going to be finalized, I cried EVERYWHERE - work, home, office, supermarket, church, shower - you name it, I started and couldn't stop. I was both horrified (because I was raised that you don't show emotion because it's seen as weakness), but relieved at the same time because I felt like for the first time, I was being honest.
And you know what I learned? That even tho I love my parents dearly, their dire predictions of people jumping on my "weakness" and using it to slit my throat never materialized. In fact, the opposite was true. Once people saw I was human and hurting, they were wonderfully supportive. I don't doubt that shitty people exist, but I've been blessed to be surrounded by people who understand pain exactly when I've been surrounded by it.
Maybe there really are angels in real life.
__________________________________
"Look. Lets just cut to the chase. If you are so into me, then lets go to the bathroom, you can blow me and I can get back to my dinner." - The Piv
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 6:08pm.
but for now just breathe, stare at the sunset,
________
Holy shit, CSG, I did just that today. *full on bawls again, srsly
love ya
Submitted by caprica six on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 5:49pm.
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 5:09pm.
___
♥ you. CSG, I hope you are with us here on the DL for a long time.
_________________________________
Ditto Caps, your goodness shines through in every post. I'm so very, very happy for you right now, words just can't express. I can't imagine the range of emotions you've been through, but for now just breathe, stare at the sunset, marvel at the beauty that we sometimes miss, and appreciate all things, great and small. Then get some sleep!
Smooches, hugs, warm thoughts and prayers are coming your way from the Midwest tonight. Love to both you and your bro.
__________________________________
"Look. Lets just cut to the chase. If you are so into me, then lets go to the bathroom, you can blow me and I can get back to my dinner." - The Piv
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 5:09pm.
___
♥ you. CSG, I hope you are with us here on the DL for a long time.
Submitted by dramaqueen365247 on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 5:14pm.
Submitted by urmomma on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 5:01pm.
Submitted by dramaqueen365247 on Thu, 07/21/2011 -4:53pm.
Wasn't sure if it was you or me being paged! ;-D
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hee.hee. I am sorry that you were treated badly today. I honestly cannot tell who is an alt these days and who is not (knows you are not). I find this sad because I am suspicious of anyone "new" here. I have never seen so bullshit and personal attacks on others on this site before. Talking smack about people and their kids just pisses me off. *major sad face while holding shank*
__________________________
Too bad she has NO clue how to hide the crazy and that shit backfired like creamed corn out the ass.-ISprainedMyUvula
Submitted by caprica six on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 5:14pm.
I wasn't (& still am not) aware of the situation, but if you have some peace & closure, I'm glad. That can go a long way. Send out loving thoughts. They do work. & I shall send some your way.
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Submitted by urmomma on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 5:01pm.
Submitted by dramaqueen365247 on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 4:53pm.
Submitted by caprica six on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 4:49pm.
and
Submitted by oh dave on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 4:38pm.
save the drama for your mama
*********************
you called? :)
Wasn't sure if it was you or me being paged! ;-D
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Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 5:04pm.
AWWWWWW, Capi!! Hugs to you, i m so glad that your brother is ok!! Praying for you guys!!
-----
Called all Illinois popo stations, shelters, etc. Traced his last cell # (the "goodbye" message and shit). This one Helping Hands shelter actually called me the fuck back (!) and let me know that the DOB and other info I gave them in my begging to find him let me know he was in a township (as per one singular record they had). Well, at work, I tracked that shit down further and he's in some trailer park, but working. I fking lost it. He sounds like he's still got his wherewithal, but is struggling to stay alive. He won't give me a physical address. And the shelter won't, due to damn FERPA laws or whatever. Unless he does something criminal WHICH HE BETTER THE FUCK NOT the police won't either, since he's a legal adult. Probably shouldn't put this out there, here, but, fk it.
Thx UBF. Hope you are well. *ETA: Thx CSG, Urmoms and everyone else* *EDited a damn again! spelling*
Submitted by caprica six on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 4:49pm.
Separately, my baby bro is alive; at a shelter for recovery, but alive. *bawls*
__________________________________
FUCKING A YES, YES, YES!!!!
*dances, throws confetti on thread, uncorks champaign and sprays everywhere, picks up Cappy and whirls her around!!!!*
Oh God Cappy, I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU! I know this sounds crazy, but I felt your pain and can't express how happy I am for both you and your bro! I swear to God, I saw this video on youtube and thought of you:
http://youtu.be/PrrdLO8fie0
the line "Lights will guide you home" kept popping into my head whenever you talked about your brother.
Just love and support him. Unlike the lyrics, you're NOT responsible for fixing him. That's for him and God to work out. But THANK GOD he's ok, alive and safe. So much love to you and your family, second chances aren't granted to everyone.
I'm smiling from ear-to-ear because I'm so happy to hear good news for a change.
__________________________________
"Look. Lets just cut to the chase. If you are so into me, then lets go to the bathroom, you can blow me and I can get back to my dinner." - The Piv
*hugs the shit outta cappy*
It will all work out, dear. Promise.
__________________________
Too bad she has NO clue how to hide the crazy and that shit backfired like creamed corn out the ass.-ISprainedMyUvula
A picture like that could traumatize a gay man. The only thing that saved me was all that pink. I'm still trying to uncross my eyes.
AWWWWWW, Capi!! Hugs to you, i m so glad that your brother is ok!! Praying for you guys!!
=================================================
"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
Submitted by dramaqueen365247 on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 4:53pm.
Submitted by caprica six on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 4:49pm.
Thank you! & hugs back! Being mean to ESE should be illegal!
*******************
It is illegal.
and
Submitted by oh dave on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 4:38pm.
save the drama for your mama
*********************
you called? :)
__________________________
Too bad she has NO clue how to hide the crazy and that shit backfired like creamed corn out the ass.-ISprainedMyUvula
Submitted by dramaqueen365247 on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 4:53pm.
Submitted by caprica six on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 4:49pm.
Thank you! & hugs back! Being mean to ESE should be illegal!
_____
Agreed. Just unnecessary. Tired of the ionospheric drama already. So much real-life crap, and I don't get why some people need to add blog crap on top of life, really. Christ.
Submitted by caprica six on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 4:49pm.
Thank you! & hugs back! Being mean to ESE should be illegal!
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Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 3:39pm.
Submitted by Abby Normal on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 3:31pm.
EveryStrangersEyes on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 3:26pm.
Put down the booze bottle and sober up
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i've read, and taken this into consideration... i've come to the conclusion of... nope, not gonna happen!!LOL!
you're just gonna have to deal with my pickled brain wondering why you want to be in the midst of a fight, pippy!... sorry 'bout that!LOL!
__________
Leave ESE the fuck alone (and Dramaqueen too. *I read back and shit*. {{ESE, DramaQ}} Same here, never giving up the vino. I'll just keep it in check.
Team STFU To Those Telling Others to "Sober up" When They Have Their Own Shit To Worry The Fuck About.
Separately, my baby bro is alive; at a shelter for recovery, but alive. *bawls*
*joins line of posters with bat, monkey wrench, giant knife, nunchuks, noose...*
Submitted by Eileenie McMeanie on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 4:38pm.
*flips CSG's uniform skirt up*
Oh, hi!!!!! XXOO
__________________________________
LOLZ - fondles Leenie's bewbz as we are fake, internet LEZZBOES! (I know you thought I'd forget Centy, but I laughed so hard when you said that, I have to keep it going. Thanks for the guaranteed smile).
So what's going on with your beautiful blond avie? I looked for her after the Casey Anthony verdict, but it seemed like she disappeared. Is she back on the air with toned-down rhetoric, or is she still trying to rile the villagers into a torch and pitchfork hunt for "Tot Mom"?
__________________________________
"Look. Lets just cut to the chase. If you are so into me, then lets go to the bathroom, you can blow me and I can get back to my dinner." - The Piv
Hi, Leenie!! Miss you!!!!
And as for Fraggle. I would feel sorry for your painful past, if you hadn`t lied on here so much that now nobody can believe shit you say ..
And since you seem to "like" getting roughed up, no need to feel sorry for you....
"wer einmal luegt, dem glaubt man nicht, auch wenn er dann die Wahrheit spricht...."
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
♥ M.E. ♥
Also ♥ ESE ♥ if he's still around!
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not brushing teeth = being British. duh, lawyer people.
I can't see Britney beating her kids unless they were turning into kudzu tentacle monsters or something. No, Britney is all about getting naked and pretending to be British, I don't get a violent feeling from her.
*fondles DQ*
WE LOVE YOU BITCH!
Jeebus, are you still praddling on? Take a break and listen to this thou it's probably playing on an endless loop in your head.
http://youtu.be/pJosB7SEmOY
Submitted by Meatblocks on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 12:16pm.
suckandfuck and raul are like the goofus and gallant of sick humor.
the best.
┌_П┐(•_•)┌П┐__
I'm not a living legend. I'm just a myth.
♥ Leenie ♥
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*flips CSG's uniform skirt up*
Oh, hi!!!!! XXOO
Sucky12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
save the drama for your mama
Submitted by Abby Normal on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 3:56pm.
The alts were created in between fake beatings by your husband?
...My husband was NEVER a 'wife-beater'. He threw me down a short flight of stairs and bruised me up pretty badly. When I wanted to leave the house he sat on me and broke two of my ribs and he tried to strangle me once before we were married and once ten years after and never again.
He still gets physically rough with me (shoving/pushing/grabbing) but he has NEVER 'beat' me...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
WTF ever. Now I think we know the source of your mental "issues."
Abby - I'm sorry for what you went through in the past as it obviously led you to where you are right now, but please don't let your emotions get the better of you. I can tell by your comments that you genuinely like dlisted, and I enjoy reading what you write. But as ACOW (I think it was ACOW) once put it, now may be a good time to retreat. Not to back down from anyone, but rather to take a break and keep yourself from saying something that you may regret later.
And believe me, as someone who once refused to back down and went on an emotional slash-and-burn with everyone close to me, not a day goes by that I don't wish that I had retreated and regrouped. You can always say what you want to say in the future, but some things, once said in anger, can never be unsaid or unheard.
Not judging sweetie, just trying to share a painful lesson. It's pretty much the only way I can live with the regret.
(HUGS TO YOU) and thanks to ACOW for advice that I use often when I feel my temper start to flare.
________________________________
"Look. Lets just cut to the chase. If you are so into me, then lets go to the bathroom, you can blow me and I can get back to my dinner." - The Piv
Submitted by dramaqueen365247 on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 4:24pm.
Damn right, you are! ♥
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
Thank you! I was stuck for hours on the interstate or I'd have been here too. I'm lucky to call such nice people friends!
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DENILE IS NOT JUST A RIVER!
Broken bones and getting choked the fuck out IS abuse.
But WHATEVER.
*hits you repeatedly with aluminum bat*
HOLY SHIT! What is wrong with you?
ESE, I lubz you and want to rip your trenchcoat off! ♥♥♥
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid