Wake Up, The Party’s Here!

July 19, 2011 / Posted by:

Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis are whoring themselves hard for that crap Friends with Benefits movie like everyone’s rent is due and everyone’s landlord is knocking on the door while his wife is downstairs so a bitch can’t crawl down the fire escape. Justin and Mila have given interviews to everybody, sold pieces of their soul and even brought the Marines into it in order to make sure that hos pay $13 to see them have fake sex. And in a last-minute attempt to sell their movie, Justin and Mila pulled out the bright big superstar gun that is JOYCE FUCKING DEWITT! Come on knock on our dooooor, because I WILL take a step that is new!

Miss Joyce came to party as though someone just yelled LAST CALL at the Regal Beagle. Miss Joyce flexed those rock hard neck veins like she’s been using Suzanne Somers’ VeinMaster for months and can’t wait to show her results. Miss Joyce let the blood from her face drain into her hips since that’s where the real party will come from when she swishes her shit on Justin on the dance floor at the after-party. Miss Joyce’s eyes might look like they’re screaming “Did somebody say coke?” but they’re really saying “Sexy is officially back!” And Crest Whitestrip sales plummeted into the dirt seconds after Miss Joyce did the cokey grit grin and showed off her I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter teeth.

Kris Jenner can pull up her face as much as possible, but she’ll never look as shiny beautiful as this. Kris needs to make like Miss Joyce’s right nostril and BE GONE!

You probably don’t care since you’re obviously just here for Miss Joyce, but here’s a bunch of others who showed up to last night’s NYC premiere of Friends with Medicare. In order: The true star of the night, Justin Timberlake, Mila Kunis, Emma Stoner, Irina Shayk, Patricia Clarkson (who is obviously too much woman for JT), Michael Bolton and Fu Manwhite.

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