Some of Brad Pitt’s friends say that his nustack is one of Warden St. Angie’s prisoners, but Matt Damon says they are both in shackles and behind bars. Matt tells Germany’s Tele 5 that he’s lucky, because he’s a world famous multimillionaire actor who can walk the streets with the regulars without worrying about some fan crawling up into his asshole. Matt says that Brad and St. Angie aren’t that fortunate. As Maddox ran his tin cup across the prison bars, Matt said:
“I have friends who are like prisoners. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, for instance. They can’t just go someplace. If they go for a walk, it turns into an international incident.
I’m really lucky, because I have the best of both worlds. I do the work that I love and need, but don’t need paramilitary troops to protect me when I walk out my front door.”
Yes, Matt is every layer of right. Brad and St. Angie are tortured prisoners who are forced to sit in a chauffeured fully-equipped SUV and feed the human halos known as the twin messiahs drops of unicorn burps and organic crickets while not having to worry about some loud bitch on the street annoying them with her full-voiced cell phone conversation. (Seriously, if I hear another stranger bitch shouting into her cell phone about how she’s “late” in that way….. It’s like she’s rubbing it in that she’s getting some and I’m not.)
If that’s a prisoner, then what kind of law in the code of Brangelina do I have to break to be sent away? Declare Jennifer Aniston as the most gorgeous being who has ever breathed oxygen through the land? Consider me a fucking chin-asexual then.