Elin Nordegren’s New Piece Denies Ever Dating Rachel Uchitel

July 19, 2011 / Posted by:

The billionaire businessman who is reportedly in a 6-month-old relationship with Elin Nordegren denies that he’s been to two places Tiger Woods has been before. TMZ reported over the weekend that Tiger Woods’ main mistress whore Rachel Uchitel screwed on Elin’s current boyfriend, Jamie Bergman, two months before the Ambien hit the fan. When Elin found out about this, she freaked out at how Rachel’s snatch seems to be following her wherever she goes. Elin can’t even lick on Jamie’s dick without seeing Rachel’s vagina flaps laughing at her. So what is Elin’s new boyfriend doing to soothe her rage? Denying it, of course!

Jamie’s friends say that he did go down to Miami in October 2009 with Rachel, but it was strictly business. Jamie and Rachel were working on some kind of investment business together. Rachel told TMZ that she already bagged Jamie, but his friends say she’s lying. However, some sources who stayed at the same house as Rachel and Jamie said she snuck into his room late at night for some fuck times. Rachel bragged about it to the owner of the house the next morning.

Like I’ve said before, Rachel Uchitel is like lube, she’s been on every dick at one time or another. Elin should not let that little fact keep her from proclaiming her love to Jamie in a groundbreaking ceremony (aka a wedding) before shoveling half of his fortune into her pocketbook. Who cares if Rachel is telling everyone that Elin is riding on doggy bag dick. Elin can laugh right back when she makes her servants build a life-sized sculpture of Rachel Uchitel out of Austrian crystal balls that she’ll knock down with her diamond-encrusted gold hammer.

I was rooting for Rachel for a second, but I just can’t anymore. There’s nothing more tragic than an undignified whore who has successfully dug for gold and is now empty-handed. Elin can count her millions of dollars while Rachel can only count her genital warts. As we all let out a gold digger sigh….

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