Skeletor didn’t lose all of his water weight by shedding out a single tear on the bones of sacrificed virgins when JLo announced that their marriage is as dead as the Dragon Tales Twins’ ear drums when she lullabies them to sleep without the help of an auto-tune horn. Skeletor didn’t seem sad at all when he performed at a concert in Bogota, Colombia last night. Skeletor let be known to ladies everywhere that if they’ve ever had an urge to sit their chocha on a Chinese Crested’s always erect tongue but don’t want to be charged with bestiality, he’s available. Skeletor said this to the audience:
“They say I am a single man.”
The Daily Mail says that everybody started cheering and clapping their hands, but only because they heard that’s how you distract a zombie who is trying to sniff out the pure blood of an innocent in a crowd.
In other Skeletor and JLo news, Cuban actor, all-around hot piece and known man whore William Levy is denying that he’s ever put his cock on Jenny from the block. There were rumors that after William was in one of JLo’s videos, they had a down low thing. But he says it isn’t so. And JLo’s stylist Phillip Bloch says that he thinks the fact that Skeletor tried control JLo like she was Castle Grayskull is the main reason why they’re getting a divorce.
“This is not a surprise. Marc is very controlling. In the beginning she liked that because he stood up to her, and in the early days he was very much in love with her and she was with him.”
But back to the William Levy thing. I’ve heard that William Levy will stick his peen in any vagina you put in front of him (which is why I’m mad nobody has invented a life-like vagina strap-on that goes over the no no) and JLo was married to a man who looks like the Puerto Rican Gollum, so I’m sure they did it at least once. JLo probably just wanted to know what it’s like to get with a dude who isn’t so damn that skinny that when you stick your finger in his b-hole during missionary sex you poke yourself in the stomach. That’s a total orgasm killer.