Hot Slut Of The Day!
The Walmart Receipt Jesus!
Jacob Simmons and his hotly named fiancee Gentry Lee Sutherland of Anderson County, South Carolina believe our lord and savior worked his mysterious ways all over a receipt from Walmart last month. Jacob and Gentry Lee bought some picture frames from Walmart on the holy day of Sunday June 12th and at that time their receipt was not yet blessed by the face of Jesus. But a few days later, they came home from church and Jacob saw the receipt lying on the floor with the eyes of God's son staring back at him. Jacob and Gentry call it a miracle while most of us call them dirty ass slobs for leaving a receipt on the floor for several days.
Jacob said he didn't know what blessed his eyes at first, but when he realized it was Jeebus his breath was taken away. (Yes, Jacob actually breathes in oxygen that somehow makes its way to his brain. Another miracle from Jesus!) Naturally, Jacob called Walmart and asked them how this happened. Did the ink run? Did the filth from their dirty ass apartment (I mean, leaving a receipt on the floor for days) gather on the paper and form the face a man with eyes that say, "Clean your pig pen shit of an apartment"? Walmart told Jacob that the only way to get the receipt really dark is to put heat on it (cut to a guilty look on the face of Gentry Lee's dog who may or may not have farted on it).
Gentry Lee tells Wyff4 that they didn't mess with the receipt and they believe this is a message from above, "We just feel like it's a blessing that God showed it to us and opened our eyes. And we just feel like we should share the blessing God gave to us to everybody else."
Target sells single-serving wine in a box, so I've always figured that Jeebus would be down with them, but I guess he just can't stay away from the holy rollback savings of Walmart. To me, the face on that receipt looks more like a peen-nosed Rasputin with Taylor Momsen make-up or like Adrien Brody as Charles Manson with a black eye, but who am I to argue with a hot bitch named Gentry Lee?
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Submitted by WTFOMGLOL on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 7:43am.
Yes I remember that movie, let's go get some of those Norsemen!
*Sight*
Submitted by Lemonene on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 7:32pm.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 7:17pm.
Mexico was conquered by Spanish Vikings?? :)
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*swoons*
I wish :) Oh how I want a freaking viking
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second that !!! ever seen "The 13th Warrior" with Antonio Banderas? All those hot Norsemen!
gawd. what I wouldn't give.
Pfft, more like Wal-mart receipt Serpico
be cool about fire safety
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 7:17pm.
Mexico was conquered by Spanish Vikings?? :)
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*swoons*
I wish :) Oh how I want a freaking viking
We only give Jesus a tan so we can relate ;)
That's not Jeebus on that receipt, that's my Uncle Frank. He does this shit all the time - so annoying. I have dozens of receipts with his face on them.
Srsly, why do Jeebus (and Mary) show their faces and images only to rednecks and hillbillies? Has Jeebus' face ever shown up on a Nieman's receipt? What would happen if Jeebus showed his face on something, to someone who didn't believe in Jeebus or had never heard of Jeebus? THEN WHAT, HUH?
Submitted by Lemonene on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 3:23pm.
ITA, but in most of the Churchs in Mexico we have the blondish blue-eyed Jesus.
Como los españoles de la conquista
Mexico was conquered by Spanish Vikings?? :)
I see a young Gandhi.
WHY is it that anytime there is a guy with a beard,,its always Jesus? Why is it never someone from the Oak Ridge Boys or Fleetwod Mac or something? "Yeah we cut into a watermelon,and THERE IT WAS,the face of John McVie!"
Andre,could you bring me my fan,,could you bake it in a cake or stick it up your ass or something? I must have my fan RIGHT AWAY"
Looks like Rasputin to me.
Looks like Jeebs from Men in Black to me.
Shopping at Walmart? That's gotta be Judas.
Even there thirty pieces of silver doesn't buy much.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 9:14am.
And each Christian country remakes him in the local image--even blond and blue-eyed. Jesus in a Mexican church looks like the parishioners.
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ITA, but in most of the Churchs in Mexico we have the blondish blue-eyed Jesus.
Como los españoles de la conquista
Submitted by Sluttsville on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 3:06pm.
BWAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by LisaRose on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 1:40pm.
Get that thing laminated before it's gone!
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Don't worry, it will reappear in 3 days.
Get that thing laminated before it's gone!
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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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This reminds me of that episode of the Simpsons when Homer is talking to God and after they're done talking God is like "now if you'll excuse me, I have to appear on a tortilla in Mexico" LOL
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Oh, it's Skeletor- maybe he paid to have wal mart circulate his photo in home that some single lady will see it and love him again.
Or Bin Laden pissed off that he lost, coming back to haunt all things american, so why not start with wal mart....
Jesus is not amused.
Yeah, looks more like Bin Ladin to me.
Jesus? If anything, it looks like satan to me..I see fangs, creepy eyes, wonky teeth, wait are we sure its not Gary Busey?
they've got it all wrong:
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/forums/?ID=193428941
That's just the homeless guy who lives in front of Wal Mart.
We have this receipt paper where I work; you can make anything appear with some heat. They should have done a few more practice receipts, this shit looks like Charles Manson.
ETA: lol, didn't read MKs entire post before I commented about Charles Manson. Just saw his manson reference.
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Thanks, Thought Police. Where would any of us be without your vigilance?-Kenneth G
Submitted by Agnostic 1 on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 11:02am.
I totally see Rasputin not JC. At all! However I too have had receipts turn into an iconic face. It happens when I go to Whole Foods. The receipt looks like Edvard Munch's "The Scream" and sometimes it even weeps. Should I contact the Vatican?
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It's probably weeping because you're getting bilked at Whole Foods when you could be getting the exact same produce at Safeway for half the price ;)
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
i like how the reporters deal with the subject,that whole you decide shit,humans need their delusions to feel better and comfort themselves i guess.
I totally see Rasputin not JC. At all! However I too have had receipts turn into an iconic face. It happens when I go to Whole Foods. The receipt looks like Edvard Munch's "The Scream" and sometimes it even weeps. Should I contact the Vatican?
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"How nice, to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive."
- Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five
It looks like Osama bin Laden to me
jeebus? looks like a cross between marty feldman and osama bin laden to me.
Now that I look at it, maybe it resembles Pavorotti a bit?!
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.
UGH! Not this dbl post crap again.
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.
To those who already pointed out, absolutely spot on, Harry Dean Stanton.
See tango, you would definitely give Jesus the side-eye on a plane.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
It looks more like Marty Feldman.
It's one of the Gibb brothers...take your pick.
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Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 06/21/2011 - 6:49pm.
Women make me sick. There I said it.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Tue, 06/21/2011 - 6:53pm.
Have you tried them cooked?
Even before I read it, I thought Adrien Brody with Charles Manson.
@stoney - lol, I gotcha. Interesting article on what Jeebus really looked like:
http://www.popularmechanics.com/science/health/forensics/1282186
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
oh and the religious people wonder why the atheists laugh at them.
because on ebay, that stupid receipt is worth tens of thousands to another religious fruitloop.
*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*
But let's just leave Jesus aside for a minute - NICE JOB, NATURE! I think it's pretty good! Whoever it is. And to me it looks like some bin Laden who may or may not have been around during the Summer of Love. What? They don't ALL hate the States. The guy's got 25 brothers and sisters! I bet his DAD's got more!
♥ Threadkilla!
Real Life Twitter, Celebrity Edition:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6550621/real-life-twitter-2-celebrity-...
OR with a permed mullet! LOL. Or the other one where he looks white but with a tan & has long blonde hippie hair.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
The dog probably peed on the Walmart receipt on the floor and the ink ran and dried up.
And it looks like Osama Bin Laden! Hahahaha
you can have hair like wool and blue eyes.
Submitted by Stoney on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 9:18am.
I like it when they make Jesus black.
Madonna's Like a Prayer vid. (<<--Old-timey ref.)
Looks like Peter Lorre with facial hair to me or some character from Dostoyevsky's writings, as I would have imagined them to look.
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.
Why it gotta be Jesus? It's highly unlikely Jesus looked like how he's depicted anyway.
How about a rode hard Harry Dean Stanton? I'd be just as amused.
Looks more like Charles Manson...????
********* SAVE A LIFE. ADOPT A PET *********
I like it when they make Jesus black. LMAO
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by Granny Clampett on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 9:01am.
I always pictured Jesus as not looking evil and crazy...who knew?
^^^^^^^^^^^^this^^^^^^^^^^^^
Some guy, yes. Jesus, no. Looks more like Ayatollah Khomeini or Marty Feldman.
Not that I've personally seen an actual photo of Jesus himself to be 100% sure.
@ Stoney, I hear you. As its actually stated in the bible, Jesus had hair like "sheeps-wool". People love to ignore that part here and prefer their flowy maned 80`s Lorenzo Lamas-Jesus. With blue eyes, of course. Cause thats the dominating eyecolor in that region, too..*eyeroll*
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs