It’s not every day you see Tom Cruise blowing onto a black tube on the balcony of his Miami hotel. Let me correct myself. It’s not every day you see Tom Cruise blowing onto a black tube that’s not attached to a Dominican hustler. Much better. The air in Miami got even stickier yesterday when Tommy Girl busted out his Rock of Ages moves. Bitch became Lita Ford, then Debbie Harry, then Cher, then Madonna, then Pat Benatar in the blink of an eye! Dude’s glitter hole was puckering so hard over these hot moves that if he backed up into the sliding glass door, he would’ve stuck to it.
You can’t tell from these pictures, but a group of girls gathered below Tommy’s balcony, took off their panties and threw them at him. Not because they want him to have their panties. But because we all know that the quickest way for Tommy to scatter and screech off a balcony is to throw girl panties at him. It works every time.
Later, Tommy G cooled his nipples by dipping into the pool while wearing the douche equivalent of a bathing cap. Oh, that Tommy. Always coming up with new ways to entertain us by acting like a complete ass.