These Two Got Married Yesterday

July 16, 2011 / Posted by:

The wedding of the year month week day hour took place on a “secret tropical island” (how fucking “Lost” of them) yesterday when the dude with the pork filled empanada titties from 98 Degrees married Vanessa Manilafolders in front of 35 friends and a TLC camera crew. Actually, I think this was the second wedding of the hour, because I’m sure somebody married somebody in a Piggly Wiggly parking lot in the south and that is definitely more interesting. Anyway, the former Mr. Jessica Simpson Nick Lachey said “I dooooooo cherish yoooooooooo” to Vanessa and they blurted out this statement to People just seconds after their extremely private secret wedding:

“For us, this is just a stepping stone to do what we ultimately want and that’s to start a family together.”

The extremely private secret wedding will air on the not-so-secret and not-so-private cable channel TLC on July 30th. Their wedding special will air directly after a fart fetish episode of Strange Sex since a bowel movement usually follows a fart.

And across the ocean, Jessica Simpson’s mouth married an Entenmann’s crumb cake as her dumb dumb fiance used her credit card to order a dozen Roombas off of HSN for his foolproof business venture: ROOMBA DERBY! Yeah, you’re laughing now….

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