The Time The Ghost Of Elvis Gave Spaz de la Huerta An Orgasm
If the sparkles from a crazy diamond could speak words, they'd say every single thing Paz de la Huerta said in her interview with The New York Times. The glorious goddess of grease who always looks like she's got the whiskey wakes had a few words for her haters (including her own sister) and talked about the time that the spirit of Elvis' finger banged her at Graceland. Spaz has got the crazy of Courtney Love and the ice cold conceitedness of January Jones. Everything that comes out of her insane mouth hole just makes me scream YES!
On the second season of Boardwalk Empire and how chicks throw daggers at her bare nipples with their tongues: "I can’t share much about the show, but hopefully some of these women who resent me for being naked or in little to nothing will be pleased that I’m knocked up, and they’ll pay attention to the performance. Women have said the most malicious, disgusting things about me. But I know that when somebody comments about you, good or bad, it is 99 percent of the time their projection of how they feel about themselves. Even my own sister treats me worse than somebody would treat a rat. She actually likes rats, so worse than that."
On how her older sister tried to murder her when she was a fetus: "Even when I was in my womb she used to punch my mother’s stomach. She did not want me born. I’m working on my relationship with my mother and father, but my upbringing has been very destructive. They’re all Scorpios — my mother, my father and my sister."
On how she got ghost fucked by Elvis: "I was with my ex-boyfriend [Scott Weiland] and had to beg him to go to Graceland. I felt like he was jealous of Elvis because I’ve always been infatuated by him, which is hysterical because he’s passed away. So I went to his recording studio because sometimes the sensitive people feel him in this room, and I stood in this corner and I felt him. What can I say? I felt him touch me. I mean, come on, he’s a ghost. I felt his spirit go through me and give me pleasure. I experienced that when my cat died. She waited until I got home from Sundance, and she passed away the second she was in my arms, and I felt her spirit go through my body. But this was different. It was like Elvis was tickling me with a feather."
See what I mean? Accusing her sister of trying to commit abortion via bump punching? Making us imagine the spirit of Elvis in the body of Whoop Goldberg, tickling at her coochie while Scott Weiland slurs out "Unchained Melody." Crazy ass Spaz is always talking like she's a hungover shithouse rat (the one rat her sister hates) who really needs a fucking cigarette. I hope Spaz's vocal cords work forever so she can keep spitting out magical crap like this.
To quote my abuelita while watching one of her novellas: PERRA LOCA!
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She's ok in my book, How to Fuck Your Way to the Top by Connie Lingus.
I never thought I'd say this, but reading this soggy fruit loop's ramblings actually made me like her.
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"Wrist full of colorful rubberbands!" - album reviewer extraordinaire Khia
quite fittingly...
http://j.mp/f89sny
crazy bitch
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
i have a scorpio in my life, a bitch from hell mother in law who acts as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth she talks in this la la sing song voice but she keeps files on everyone like j edgar hoover of any and all dirt from so called friends, acquaintances, and family members of all perceived wrongs, emails, gossip, etc. i wish that bitch would die in a fire. yes, i wish death upon her. she has tried to break up my marriage for ten years but acts so sweet and innocent to my face. backstabbing trifling bitch. sorry for the rant and no offense to you scorpios but i agree with the poster who says they seem docile but when that stinger comes out... look out...
lmao! but yikes. she's such a hot mess.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Paz de la Face is a'Huertin My Eyes
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
I never should have switched from Scotch to Martinis. - Bogart
Well, her words seem a hell of a lot more sane than her actions.
WORDS MEAN NOTHING, fashion speaks volumes. -MK
Submitted by precociousmagpie on Sat, 07/16/2011 - 11:34am.
@dramaqueen,
Paz is a famous actress. Here is a sample of roles she "landed" recently:
Hollywood Dreams (2006) Guest at Wedding
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O - I saw that one! Her performance was truly breathtaking!
♥ Threadkilla!
Real Life Twitter, Celebrity Edition:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6550621/real-life-twitter-2-celebrity-...
Submitted by seejaneclick on Sat, 07/16/2011 - 7:19am.
I agree with her on only one thing- I hate Scorpio's..
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Astrology is bullshit. Judging people based on bullshit is...well, also bullshit.
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"House arrest sounds like a dream!" - hermit crabs
why is the nytimes paying her any mind? o_O
she's gonna be in something called nurse 3d where the ghost of henri matisse smears that red lipchap all over her body.
http://www.movieline.com/2011/07/take-a-first-look-at-paz-de-la-huerta-a...
kinda nsfw.
@dramaqueen,
Paz is a famous actress. Here is a sample of roles she "landed" recently:
The Limits of Control (2009) Nude
Deception (2008) List Member #1
Anamorph (2007) Young Woman
Hollywood Dreams (2006) Guest at Wedding
Submitted by shandi on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 11:35pm.
She also claimed her mother's uterus as hers. I think she means she's knocked up on the show,not in real life.
If she means she's preggers for real, then Child Protective Services will be standing in front of the delivery table to catch the kid when she squirts it out.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Sat, 07/16/2011 - 11:21am.
Submitted by precociousmagpie on Sat, 07/16/2011 - 11:19am.
Or just: "How do you maintain your equilibrium?"
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Ha ha ha! Cognitive dissonance infarct, for sure.
Who is this crazy ass bitch? I only know her from MK's posts, & they're usually all about her drunken escapades (Not that there's anything wrong with that!)
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Submitted by precociousmagpie on Sat, 07/16/2011 - 11:19am.
Or just: "How do you maintain your equilibrium?"
Submitted by Cowjam on Sat, 07/16/2011 - 11:11am.
Exactly!
"How did you feel when Kelly MacDonald was nominated for an Emmy?"
"What's it like to work with all these Emmy-nominated actors?"
"How do you maintain your equilibrium surrounded by so much pure talent?"
"What do you fill your mantle with, in lieu of the awards you do not have/have not earned/never will earn?"
etc.
Sent from my iPhone
Mental illness just oozes from her.
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Dale Doback: Okay, here's the shot out of the cannon: Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one, go!
Imagine the meltdown if one of those interviewers had the stones to ask her: "What is it like to work with such a talented actress like Kelly MacDonald?"
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Sat, 07/16/2011 - 9:02am.
Her mom is a Harvard-educated academic expert on vulnerable young women and intrafamily dynamics.
http://www.youtheconomicopportunities.org/Sitemanager/CuteEditor_Files/u...
Her dad Iñigo has royal blood.
http://www.fundacionmedinaceli.org/casaducal/fichaindividuo.aspx?id=4164
Mom and dad are Scorpios.
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A classic example of the phenomenon "Regression to the Mean". (Also describes DListed perfectly. :D)
Submitted by RustyHooligan: "Her mom is a Harvard-educated academic expert on vulnerable young women and intrafamily dynamics."
Ahhh, the irony. Like my completely neurotic and barely-functioning pill-head friend, the daughter of a prominent and well-regarded psychiatrist and a substance abuse counselor.
Or you know, the slutty pastor's daughter, etc.
So she was constantly punched as a fetus, that explains a lot, in both looks and her constant need for attention.
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
Submitted by Poopele on Sat, 07/16/2011 - 9:12am.
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UHM... OMG. That wasn't offensive AND it was funny!
Good job!
" But I know that when somebody comments about you, good or bad, it is 99 percent of the time their projection of how they feel about themselves."
Her calculations are way off, maybe 1% is more like it, MAYBE. People are commenting negatively about you because you are a fucking nasty, greasy, skank ass bitch that emits a cloud of stench.
" "Even when I was in my womb she used to punch my mother’s stomach."
Please stop talking, you are making my head hurt. I admire your sister, BTW.
And stop it already with that fucking horrendous lipstick, you are just making yourself look even more fucking putrid.
Submitted by Poopele on Sat, 07/16/2011 - 9:12am.
"You got to be careful down in Graceland cuz that might be Elvis' monkey's ghost.
Smell your coochie..if it smell like banana it was the monkey.
If it smell like peanut butter and banana then it was Elvis"
Poopelle, that may be the first funny thing I've ever seen you write, but damn, it was funny!! lmao
"I felt like he was jealous of Elvis because I’ve always been infatuated by him, which is hysterical because he’s passed away. So I went to his recording studio because sometimes the sensitive people feel him in this room, and I stood in this corner and I felt him."
WHAT?! Hysterical because Elvis is dead? The sensitive people?! Do everyone a favor and stop speaking publicly you delusional, greasy twat.
A mind is a terrible thing to waste...
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
She's only 26? O_o
Ewww, she always looks like she's "just vomited in a toilet" drunk.
You got to be careful down in Graceland cuz that might be Elvis' monkey's ghost.
Smell your coochie..if it smell like banana it was the monkey.
If it smell like peanut butter and banana then it was Elvis
Submitted by quickkill on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 10:14pm.
She has some intrigue . Cool looking, and goofy enough to be fun instead of being disgusting.
I agree, "some" being the key word. I saw her in real life (before she made her debut on dlisted), and she's better-looking than she is in pictures. She's definitely a "look at me" type, though, which largely negates everything else.
Her mom is a Harvard-educated academic expert on vulnerable young women and intrafamily dynamics.
http://www.youtheconomicopportunities.org/Sitemanager/CuteEditor_Files/u...
Her dad Iñigo has royal blood.
http://www.fundacionmedinaceli.org/casaducal/fichaindividuo.aspx?id=4164
Mom and dad are Scorpios.
ahahahahahaa all sorts of Que?????????!!!!
Coma Caca!
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The Orange Cone was tickling her
I know zero about her but she reeks of needing an intervention. I bet her family can't tolerate her self abuse. I live with two Scorpios and they're both rather docile till the stinger comes out every once in awhile.
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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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I don't mind the crazysauce babble that comes out of her mouth (hey it's entertaining!), but GODDAMN she either needs to put on some eyeliner, or lose the lipstick. This look makes me shudder.
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
What else would you expect to barf out of the mouth of an alcoholic bipolar schizophrenic??
and i thought that was common knowledge, her 'condition'.
google tells me this is paz:
http://www.celebs101.com/gallery/Paz_De_La_Huerta/196164/Paz_De_La_Huert...
idk though. this girl looks showered and young. ive never seen paz *not* look like shit so i had to google her after dallstella said she was 26. i honest to god thought she was in her late 30s.
ive come to the conclusion that she wears really obnoxious lip stick colors and rarely smiles and thats why she looks so old all the time. so im gonna stick with my nivea lip chap and a happy face and cling to 24 for dear life.
Submitted by seejaneclick on Sat, 07/16/2011 - 7:19am.
I agree with her on only one thing- I hate Scorpio's..
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Again - RUDE!!!
♥ Threadkilla!
Real Life Twitter, Celebrity Edition:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6550621/real-life-twitter-2-celebrity-...
Everyone is wrong, everyone is against her. We're all jelly h8ers.
Yup.
Now who is this slag? For fuck's sake!
I agree with her on only one thing- I hate Scorpio's..
Submitted by christine the hoff on Sat, 07/16/2011 - 6:09a.m.
He was probably on drugs at the time.
scott is hot. cna't belive he was this hard up.
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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.
My 15-year-old son just looked over my shoulder with interest when he realized it was a picture of an actress in lingerie. Once he got close enough to focus, he squealed, "Ew, she's not pretty" and ran away.
Not just women hating on her.
I have a sentimental sad, story to tell also.(True).
When I was 16, I lived alone, far away from home, at a training tennis school and camp. One day my mother called and said our 10 year old GSD was sick and I should come home to bid our farewell.
I loved Slava (named after Bratislava, the city I was born in). She gave me the love for dogs. By then, she had cancer and couldn't even walk even after her master (my father).
So after my tearful farewell to her, on our front porch, I walked back 2 miles across bushes (shortcut) to where the car was at to bring me back to MTL. What do you know, she had limpered, half dead and followed my trail to where I was at. It was like her last good-bye to me. Last thing I remember, seeing her from the car, was her lying half dead looking at me...
Later, my father had to carry her back and get her euthanasia to ease her inevitable death.
I have 2 now, and as much as I love them, they'll never compare to Slava.
*sniffs''
I dream about her still (at 32) to this day.
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www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters
Whatever.
I had to google this girl because I didn't know who the hell she was, apparently she's an actress. Anyways Perra Loca is right!
Am I reading this wrong, or did she say she was pregnant? She says she's "knocked up".
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
She needs the sexual attention of a lot of men in order for her to feel relevant. That must have some official psych name...oh wait...whore!
This girl is so obviously sick and sad that I can't even make fun of her. Eventually she'll either be 5150'd or end up OD'd on a morgue table. I think it's sad that she doesn't have one person in her life - either a family member or a friend - who can take her by the hand and say "C'mon sweetheart, you need to lie down and get some rest". And then call her shrink and get solid medical advice.
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"Look. Lets just cut to the chase. If you are so into me, then lets go to the bathroom, you can blow me and I can get back to my dinner." - The Piv