QOTD: Whip Out Your Anus Rulers!
Father Andrés García Torres, a Spanish Catholic priest, is in danger of losing his position at his parish in Madrid after Bishop Getafe saw this picture of him hugging on a young Cuban seminarian and declared that some ESCANDALOSO Oh-mo-sex-oo-ahl-ish shit must be going on. If two dudes are side hugging in a picture it must mean that they were just side fucking until the stained glass windows blew out, obviously.
Bishop Getafe is so sure that the hot piece on the left made the sign of the father, the son and the holy ghost on Father Andrés' asshole with his peen that the bishop is calling for the father's resignation, a psychiatric evaluation and an HIV test. Father Andrés Unibrow denies the shit that is coming out of Bishop Getafe's mouth and says that his madre is wailing through the streets about this. Father Andrés will travel to Rome to try to prove that he's just friends with the seminarian and that the bishop is pushing him out of his parish without any proof. And then the literary angels cried when Father Andrés said this:
" Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
I was about to clutch my pearls with my hands, but one of the lips of my way too dilated anus just reached around, crawled up and did it for me. Let's translate this work of poetry into Google Spanish and see if it has the same effect:
"Vamos a medir mi ano y ver si se dilata."
This time both of my anus lips clutched my pearls! And I thought that Lindsay Lohan's "move that cone" line was the quote of the week, but nope. "Let them measure my anus" is the new "Show me the receipts!"
This reminds me of something one of my friends said. He said that b-holes are sort of like tree trunks: you can tell how long they've been around by how many rings (or lines) they have. Oh, hell, I have probably the mighty oak of assholes. If you peered into it, you'd probably see the face of a wise old woman who would tell you to follow your heart and dance through the colors of the wind. Then you'd bring your white ship captain to meet the old lady in my asshole and ask for her approval. NO GRACIAS. That is why Father Andrés is braver (and less dilated in the anus) than me, because I'd never let anyone closely examine my Grandmother Willow asshole under bright lights.
And Bishop Getafe ain't shit! That shady bitch is up to something. I bet that Bishop Getafe will take Father Andrés up on that offer and show up to the anus measuring ceremony with ruler marks on his peen. I see you, Bishop Getafe!
via Free Thinker (Thanks to everybody who sent this in!)
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Submitted by Dixie McCall on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 7:23pm.
@ Coconut Coochie: I wholeheartedly agree with you. That said, the only change I'd like to see brought about in the Catholic church would be its overdue demise.
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Dixie, while I can understand your view that the the best change in the Catholic Church would be its demise, I have to say that your reaction is similar to throwing the baby out with the bathwater. There's no denying that the Church is in an extremely sick state and just can't/won't admit it needs serious theological attention. It's heartbreaking because there are so many amazing religious and lay people in congregations around the country, and around the world, who do wonderful works every day, but they're overshadowed by sensationalism.
I will never, ever defend the Church in its actions in the case of pedophile priests. Anyone attached to that should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. But what breaks my heart is to see the selfless works of both religious and lay people in the Catholic Church stigmatized and mocked because of the actions of those either "at the top" (no pun intended), or in the spotlight.
A woman I work with gave me a copy of a prophetic message from the Blessed Mother that was delivered on July 2nd to a divine shrine. She said that satan is working overtime to destroy our beliefs in every institution - religious, government, financial, legal, marriage, family etc - so that we'll follow his leader (the antichrist), when he comes forward. Please promise that you'll at least apply the same skepticism to the charismatic world leader who promises to right all wrongs as you do to Father Torres.
*end religious/apocryphal rant
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"Look. Lets just cut to the chase. If you are so into me, then lets go to the bathroom, you can blow me and I can get back to my dinner." - The Piv
"I have probably the mighty oak of assholes. If you peered into it, you'd probably see the face of a wise old woman who would tell you to follow your heart and dance through the colors of the wind."
funniest comment of my LIFE.
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*ridden hard*
Holy Shit. That picture just gave me a catholic school flashback! This is the 21st century people, come out all ready.
Submitted by karen on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 7:59am.
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
the young cuban priest is so fucking hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Yes you should, and yes he is!
WORDS MEAN NOTHING, fashion speaks volumes. -MK
Instead of being forced to hide their gayness in the shadows and being all sneaky and shady, Catholic priests should all revolt at once and just let that God-damn freak flag fly already! It would make going to mass much more fun for everyone. Everyone knows most of them are gay anyway. For Christ's sake, lose the negative stigma, and then there's nothing to hide.
*Steps off glitter-encrusted soapbox.*
WORDS MEAN NOTHING, fashion speaks volumes. -MK
Now I know the meaning of "blue corn moon".
LOL I guess this answers my question I had at OP yesterday. ahahahahahaa DIOSSSSSSSSS mioooooooo!!!
Coma Caca!
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Dominus Vobiscum, shithead.
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Anyone can get screwed, its not rocket science.
Submitted by kate773 on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 11:06am.
Have to chime in with another FUNNIEST SHIT EVER post.
I plan to use this as an excuse for everything.
"There's a mistake on this report, grommet."
"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
yeah, this is the post of the year.
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
yeah, this is the post of the year.
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
the young cuban priest is so fucking hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
don't take a dump beforehand, padre. :-P
I couldn't resist. :)
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"Oh, hell, I have probably the mighty oak of assholes. If you peered into it, you'd probably see the face of a wise old woman who would tell you to follow your heart and dance through the colors of the wind."
Thanks, I needed that. Between this, the Waldo/Grohl scandal, the Octomom lip injection party, and nearly every post in the last few days, I've laughed myself into 6-pack abs.
OMG that dilated anus test is the oldest trick in the book.
everybody knows if he doesn't have a dilated anus, thats because he is a top... DER!!!
i can just picture him reciting the book of leviticus while he hits it from the back.
and i swear somewhere i have seen these two on gay porn... not that i watch that sorta thing. why are you looking at me that way?
Submitted by TexnDoc on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 2:51am.
http://www.elcajondesastre.com/fotos-seminarista-gay-fuenlabrada-parroco...
I'd do that Cuban twice a day and 3 times on Sunday....
Submitted by TexnDoc on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 2:51am.
The priest said that he is not gay, and here are HIS reasons:
1. He doesn't have a dilated anus.
2. He doesn't have AIDS.
3. He never even watched his parents having sex.
4. He never was molested.
So is impossible for him to be gay
http://www.elcajondesastre.com/fotos-seminarista-gay-fuenlabrada-parroco...
I don't speak Spanish but I wonder what this says about the Cuban "seminarian" here. Plenty of photos of the guy - BEWARE of mus-cully hot priests showing Dolce and Gabanna underwear in their pics! They're from Satan!
<"Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 10:32pm.
Since they are both 100% fug who gives a poopoo WHAT they are ??!!">
Check out the pics of this young Cuban priest, Sister Patrick. You'd do him every day of the week and twice on Sunday.
"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."-Words a from a closeted Top.
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Tell me that's not what i know it is-Michael Scofield
Hey, folks, nothing new... in the (Catholic) church!
Submitted by CoconutCoochie on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 6:40pm.
Some people think homosexuality is against nature, I think making the vow of celibacy is against nature.
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Couldn't agree more. Those repressed Vatican freaks have no right to dictate what is or isn't natural.
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"Puritanism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy" - H. L. Mencken
Simply cannot stop laughing! So goddamn hilar!
"I got your number, hussy." --Ms. Dionne Warwick
THIS is the funniest shit ever!!!
Panocha or Pandulce???
I know this is obscure, but does anyone remember the look on that kid's face during the Martin Bashir interview with Michael Jackson? He was leaning on MJ with the same doped up expression.
use the Orange Cone to measure my dilated anus,should be more appropriate,seriosly though the guy on the right is giving me sick motherfucker vibes
"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated." Sounds like a pick-up line to me. Dirty birdy's cruising for some more action. And he's doing Kegel exercises in his pooper. Yeah, they're totally getting it on. That boy's face is the look of prostate satisfaction if I ever saw it. I'm just happy the guy looks like he's over the age of 12. The church should be celebrating this. Look - we don't just mess with pre-pubescent altar boys anymore, hurrah.
Submitted by James Blonde on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 9:55pm.
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OMFG, MAN!
♥ Threadkilla!
Girls watch porn too!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6478389/girls-watch-porn-too
Since they are both 100% fug who gives a poopoo WHAT they are ??!!
Submitted by James Blonde on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 9:55pm.
Ewwww! NSFL!
Submitted by James Blonde on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 9:55pm.
Would measuring his anus go something like this?
"""""""""""""""""""""""""
EW, EW, EW AND EWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
For the first time in my three years as
a D-Lister ,
I have found a quote for my signtaure.
Oh, how I have waited!
" Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
Would measuring his anus go something like this?
Warning NSFW!!!!
http://www.thechurchoffudge.com/
Measure your anus? I can just look at that photo. Defrocked!
Submitted by mike on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 7:56pm.
Total overkill, padre. You could have just left it at, "Do these look like the eyebrows of a homosexual?"
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I am in tears laughing over this!
How exactly does one measure an anus? I wonder if the Vatican is contemplating that question even now...
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 6:04pm.
http://www.tabloidprodigy.com/2009/01/09/omfgosh-calendario-romano-2009/
Fuck. Shit. Damn. THE LORD IS TESTING ME.
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DAAAAAAYUM! I could take a little catechism for summodat!
♥ Threadkilla!
Girls watch porn too!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6478389/girls-watch-porn-too
@ ImpertinentVixen: *Slapping My Forehead* What was I thinking!?!
Total overkill, padre. You could have just left it at, "Do these look like the eyebrows of a homosexual?"
this post is so funny , i don't even know where to start, lmao , this is very refreshing and new to me,
it made feel like when i was 10 and very innocent
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"Vamos a medir mi ano y ver si se dilata."Father Andrés García Torres
lo que no fue en tu ano , no fue en tu daño
Submitted by Dixie McCall on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 6:24pm.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, you can't use anything like logic or deep thought or benefit of the doubt here. Not when it comes to people being gay/fake pregnant/ photoshopped to hell and back.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
I never should have switched from Scotch to Martinis. - Bogart
The old trickster knows perfectly well that he's a top.
Submitted by Dixie McCall on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 6:24pm.
...If this photo was presented in court as irrefutable evidence, it would be refuted/contested for being circumstantial.
If the Bishop is basing his accusation on this photo alone, then it's a very weak case.
Freaking out over flimsy, circumstantial evidence, then completely ignoring solid, smack-you-upside-the-head evidence, is how the Vatican rolls.
Wiping tears of laughter from my face.
"Measure my asshole, landlord."
@ Coconut Coochie: I wholeheartedly agree with you. That said, the only change I'd like to see brought about in the Catholic church would be its overdue demise.
I WILL say that, upon viewing that photo again, I see John Travolta and Ernest Borgnine in a studio publicity shot for the theatrical remake release of "McHale's Navy".
" Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
Goddamn that's raw!
It's not about sex. It's just a picture for his SilverDaddy.com and BigMuscle.com profiles to show off the fact that he has friends outside the "circuit" and some of them are hot too.
Whether or not he did it, my opinion is, priests should be able to be married and have a family, just like ministers.
Some people think homosexuality is against nature, I think making the vow of celibacy is against nature.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 5:48pm.
i think i found the priest calendar:
http://www.calendarioromano.co.uk/
I am calling dibs on Mr. July. TY.
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September can give me an exorcism any day.