Open Post: Hosted By Weston Cage’s Hot Karate Moves

July 14, 2011 / Posted by:

Weston Cage, the spawn of Nicolas Cage and Dementia (second GLOW reference of the day!), has earned half a dozen fuckery points for doing the following in the span of just a few weeks:

Weston issued a goth prince beat down on his babysitter while having salads together. Two men in white coats threw a gigantic net over Weston and dragged him off to the crazy ward. The doctors promised to give him an Emily the Strange plastic lunchbox if he cooled the crazy. He did, and now guess which lucky boy keeps all his Urban Decay lash paints in an Emily the Strange lunchbox?

– Weston got arrested for fighting with his knocked up wife (who admitted to getting her fetus drunk during the fight) and later burped out some words of wisdom when he said that nobody should get married.

– While hanging out with the mother of his child in Hollywood last night, Weston showed us that he pulled some “Morticia Addams to Uncle Fester” shit by shaving all of his luxurious hair off and donating it to the Warlocks of Love.

Basically, the point I’m trying to make is that dude had a Brit Brit breakdown on basement-made meth. It took Weston just a few weeks to do what took Brit Brit a couple of months. We’re all inpatient assholes, so don’t you just love it when the crazy speeds up?

And Weston gave us a bonus last night when busted out some karate kicks in broken tap shoes and Hammer pants. Let’s all back up, because nobody wants to mess with a goth genie who can kick an eyeliner pencil out of your hand and then use it to reapply his in the ladies room. Wax on, bitch!

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