Bruce & Kris Jenner Have Matching Facelifts Now

Kim Kardashian will make the bowels of hell churn out bubbles of victory when she marries that dude whose soul will be sucked into her big fat ass for the rest of eternity in a couple of months, and her mother Pimp Mama Kris Jenner wants to look as fresh as a wax mannequin's taint for the occasion.

So the owner of the womb that created 3 attention sucking monsters got the Kim Kardashian Special by pulling and yanking at her face. Since Pimp Mama Kris can't even drop a piss without the red light on a camera staring at her, her facelift will be on an episode of her show Krapping In The Kardashians. You know, each episode of that mess should be in black and white and narrated by Rod Sterling, because getting your face cut up on camera is some Twilight Zone shit. Anyway, Pimp Mama Kris got tapped with the scalpel about a month ago and E! has the rest of the details I know your ass cares about:

"I don't want to die," Kris joked, kind of, after calling it the "most stressful morning" of her life.

"Don't cry, you're going to be fine," Kim assured her mom.

So, what was she having done?

One look at the ever youthful Jenner and it's clear she wasn't exactly in need of a physical overhaul, so she opted only for a mini facelift, getting a little nip/tuck work done around her neck and eyes.

If you woke up next to Bruce Jenner's Michael Myers mask face and the Halloween theme song played in your head as you pissed fear into your pajama chonies every morning, wouldn't you wear pajama diapers to bed instead of pajama chonies? And also, wouldn't you be scared straight off the plastic surgeon's scalpel forever?! Seriously, I wouldn't even use that anti-aging cream shit out of fear that my pores will pucker and I'll look like a piece of freeze dried chicken paillard. Bruce face's will do that to a bitch. But not Kris! I guess the female Larry Dallas wants the entire Kardashian family to look like a row of Chinatown money cats at Kim's dumb ass wedding.

Above is a pre-lifted Kris with Bruce Jenner back in May and below is Kris with Vera Wang on June 30th.

Splash, Wenn.com

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by Lysette on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 7:58pm.

She should have gotten a handlift since she can afford it.

Submitted by coca on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 10:02am.

Why can't millionaires find decent plastic surgeons?

Submitted by Bunny Rabbit on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 9:23am.

They're all gross. Kris, Bruce, their spawn, Vera Wang, all of them. I don't know why Vera Wang is acting like such a fame whore, she's 60 years old...shouldn't she be above and beyond this shit?

Submitted by Andrei on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 8:23am.

So stupid. I am just lucky to be me and have the things I have and travel where I do. And that dude's hair looks like a gerbil nested right in the middle and went to sleep.

Submitted by WhiskeyTango on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 8:12am.

Ghastly.

*******************************************************************

""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga

Submitted by MrrKat on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 7:30am.

Submitted by Rocket on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 8:48am.
Bet Vera Wang is having a hard time finding a piss-colored wedding dress fabric.

She'll just buy white and call up Ray J so he can, umm, custom-dye it.

Submitted by catfight357 on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 7:26am.

Submitted by Rocket on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 8:48am.

Bet Vera Wang is having a hard time finding a piss-colored wedding dress fabric.

****************

standing ovation. This just made my morning.

Submitted by Rocket on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 7:18am.

Bet Vera Wang is having a hard time finding a piss-colored wedding dress fabric.

Submitted by joe shmoe on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 7:01am.

Vera Wang? I thought that was Demi Moore. She's so frail looking.

************

Submitted by angry_secretary on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 6:56am.

vera wang is dead to me.

- - - - - - - -

"Wrist full of colorful rubberbands!" - album reviewer extraordinaire Khia

quite fittingly...

http://j.mp/f89sny

Submitted by Capitanne on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 6:50am.

Evidently, crowds at Laker and Saints game screamed justified obscenities about Lamar Odom and Reggie Bush for effing that trash. Kris Humphries wants some? Sick.

Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 5:53am.

What a drama queen! "I don't want to die!". That's funny, if a video of me getting peed on went viral, my mother absolutely would want to die.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate

Submitted by babybunny on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 5:47am.

Khloe is not Mr. Kardashian's child...Kris is a slut of the worse degree, and now has gone from major slut to major pimp. She is really a no class fame whoring mother who only sees her daughters as plusses to her bank account. SIMPLY PUT HER CHILDREN ARE ONLY THERE TO BRING HER MONEY...SHE REALLY IS A SOULLESS MONSTER WHO IS RAISING SOULLESS STUPID BEASTS...all of them should just stay in hell and not film there time there...I never really wished bad on anyone but on these whores there is not enough bad in the world for them.

Submitted by guest on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 5:42am.

Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 10:52pm.
Why are chunks of Bruce's hair in the front and on the sides missing? Is his scalp rejecting the hair clubs for men? And his eyes, his eyes frighten me. He looks like a mix between a love doll and a corpse who witnessed something horrific before it's death. *puts silver dollars over Bruce's eyes*

*************

Lmao! Ikr. It's as if his expression is screaming I've been violated by Kris's incessant desire for pegging.

******************

Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.

Submitted by babybunny on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 5:40am.

I am amazed that this hideously trashy disgusting clan does not film their morning shit and piss..they disgust me beyond words..and Kris is such a horrific piece of shit pimp...she makes regular pimps look like saints...why the fuck does anyone ruin their face with plastic surgery...trust her whoretastic slut of a daughter (Kim) completely ruined her face with plastic surgery, Bruce looks like a old lesbian, and the other two older daughters are just ridic...Khloe looks like a fat wildabeast, and the only semi looking normal one Kourtney is such a ragig cunt with the worlds most annoying voice...I feel for the two youngest cause their fame whore mother is going to destroy their beauty and steal their youth...they all deserve a real special place in hell...and Bruce shame on you for joining this evil nasty low down tacky ass clan...please someone cancel their fucking show..the best way to hurt them is give them no more attention. I LOATHE THE WHORETRASHIANS..AND DESPISE KRIS WITH ALL MY BEING!! what a shame that she reproduced.

Submitted by ditquoi on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 5:19am.

So the owner of the womb that created 3 attention sucking monsters

5 attention sucking monsters...6 if you count Rob.

Submitted by dirty sancho on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 4:57am.

That devil's face looks extremely punchable, and not in a good way.

Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 4:45am.

This looks like the a casting call for a remake of Night of the Living Dead.

Oy. This wedding is going to be a whored out publicity extravaganza of epic proportions.

Submitted by letinstar on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 4:17am.

how can they possibly improve on their beauty? i don't think it can be done...*side eye*
_____________________________________________
Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent...

Submitted by zomay on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 4:13am.

What a beautiful couple...truly breathtaking

Submitted by WTFOMGLOL on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 4:08am.

They both look ghoulish.

$$$$ Money well spent, folks. :\

Submitted by Britneys cheap ... on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 1:09am.

I'm just doing the drunk t txt version on dlisted I'm fuckes up

___________________________________
(Dough) I’m going to the store
(Tre) But you aint got no money
(Dough) I’m going anyway

Submitted by from athens on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 12:36am.

i think Brucetina's face is Justin Bieber's future

Submitted by Whatever on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 10:36pm.

Bruce worked his butt off to win a gold medal. He and these asswipes he married into do nothing for society but dumb it down. They both look HORRID.

Submitted by hotpocket on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 10:29pm.

Put down the knife, Mr. Bruce. Your Wheaties box days are ova.

And Mrs. Campbell, my little lady is a Georgia O'Keefe painting, imbued with the fragrance of mountain lilies on a soft spring morn, blessed by the hand of God. Stinkfish, I think not.

Submitted by dementa on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 10:07pm.

Submitted by Raven on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 10:01pm.

I actually heard that they hooked up while she was married to her first husband, so they all sat down to dinner so Bruce and Kris could tell Kartrashian, "Hey, we wanna get married, so howsabout you get a nice friendly divorce now?"

*********

I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

Submitted by mbar on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 10:05pm.

Vera Wang = SEVERE ANOREXIA! wtf is up with these old ladies developing eating disorders so late in the game? Same with Kathy Griffin. They're gonna give themselves early onset osteoporosis.

Submitted by dementa on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 10:02pm.

Submitted by NDNchief on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 10:13pm.

And because her daughter is so pure and virginal.

*********

I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

Submitted by cocoebert on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 9:57pm.

Where does this family get their money from?

Submitted by mike on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 9:56pm.

Kris looks like she's kidnapping Vera Wang. "Keep calm and everything will be okay. Look relaxed. Smile, but not much."

Vera, through an uncomfortable smile, "You're hurting my arm."

Submitted by johnnysgirl on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 9:55pm.

Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 10:31pm.

Why do nelly old homosexuals like Miss Jenner - who HUNGER for young hot sizemeat(and we can verify this, having seen Miss J drolling over hot stuff at Golds Gym, Venice) marry stinkfish? Especially an OLD stinkfish??!!
---------------------------------------------

Why INDEED?!?! This type of thing keeps me up nights, even after my stinky pussay has been thoroughly and masterfully teased, sucked on and drilled by my hot, straight lover's beautiful sizemeat.

WILL WE EVER KNOW?

..............................................................................................
"House arrest sounds like a dream!" - hermit crabs

Submitted by sillykat on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 9:51pm.

@nachomama

He totally looks like fire marshal bill!!! Good call

Submitted by from athens on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 9:50pm.

Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 10:52pm.

Why are chunks of Bruce's hair in the front and on the sides missing? Is his scalp rejecting the hair clubs for men? And his eyes, his eyes frighten me. He looks like a mix between a love doll and a corpse who witnessed something horrific before it's death. *puts silver dollars over Bruce's eyes*
---
haha!I missed Brucetina Navratilova!

Submitted by angel_i on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 9:30pm.

Submitted by RustyHooligan on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 10:18pm.

Submitted by angel_i on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 10:09pm.

But it's just like you do watch the show!

******************************

Who me?!? NEVER! I could never watch such trash! I watch only the news!

♥ Threadkilla!
Girls watch porn too!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6478389/girls-watch-porn-too

Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 9:22pm.

__________________________________

Please get the fuck out ---->

Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 9:11pm.

What a happy looking lesbian couple. It's so nice they can get married in New York now.

Submitted by nachomama on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 9:01pm.

I get a Fire Marshal Bill vibe from Brucey boy.

http://m.flickr.com/#/photos/kmcclain/3652670492/

Maddoxyoulittlefuckingshitifuckinghateyou!~MK

Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 9:01pm.

Submitted by Wanted on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 9:00pm.

The only thing Bruce needs is a lace
front. His hair is outta control!
Kris should be ashamed of herself,
lettin' her man out the house looking
like that!

Submitted by Hysteria on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 8:55pm.

Bruce looks like a girl tennis player. Not so flattering on a guy.

They fixed her turkey gobbler neck, which I'd have done in a dead second. (IF I needed it, of course ;)

Otherwise, WHATevah.
.
.

Submitted by RustyHooligan on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 8:48pm.

Submitted by angel_i on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 10:09pm.

But it's just like you do watch the show!

Submitted by NDNchief on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 8:43pm.

"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-

The saddest thing about the whole Suckdickian wedding fuckery is that KimmyKumdrop wants everything white. You know cuz she's so traditional and all.

Submitted by humans_off_earth_now on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 8:43pm.

another perfect work of literary art, MK .. gah, do these half-assed, tawdry subjects even REMOTELY deserve such brilliant prose? NO! Um, I mean, YES!

****
"End well: this isn't going to." - MK

Submitted by angel_i on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 8:39pm.

Submitted by RustyHooligan on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 9:31pm.

His facelift and dyed hair don't bother me; his hipster old-guy earring does.

***************************************

Ha! And he totally filmed it for the show (OR SO I HEARD). It was SO GAY (not in a good way) That little manboy Rob K. was all "I'ma take you out and teach you how to party" and Bruce was all "O you are so amusing I'm an old man" and Rob was like "No really" And then Bruce was like "Ok, let's go" and then Khole got drunk on a boat and fell down - I think it was her birthday or something, ANYWAYS so Rob K. invited his three gay friends out with his gay step-dad and they wanted to have gay sex but instead they went to the tattoo shop and put a hole in Brucie's ear.

And then Kim did a photoshoot. Probably. I don't know fersure cuz I don't watch that show.

♥ Threadkilla!
Girls watch porn too!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6478389/girls-watch-porn-too

Submitted by Raven on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 8:31pm.

Submitted by johnnysgirl on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 9:43pm.

lol!

Submitted by dementa on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 9:57pm.

right?! just what is the story of Bruce and Kris? how did that unholy coupling happen?

so sad that the younger girls look like hookers already. sickens me that Bruce is just riding this money train because really, where would he be without them?

Submitted by dementa on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 8:27pm.

This woman terrifies me. She would straight-up murder people without even blinking if it got her and her whore daughters another millisecond of fame.

I remember I saw some episode where everybody is moping about the death of her ex-husband. She started making a big deal of how she missed him and dabbed at her totally dry eyes, but so she wouldn't smudge her mascara.

*********

I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

Submitted by johnnysgirl on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 8:13pm.

Submitted by Raven on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 9:34pm.

was Pimp Mama Kris doing the UPS man?
--------------------------------------------

Nah - she was doing the Piltdown Man.

..............................................................................................
"House arrest sounds like a dream!" - hermit crabs

Submitted by johnnysgirl on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 8:11pm.

Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 7:31pm.

*jumps off the balcony*
---------------------------------------------

NO, Fucking_Classy!!! DON'T DO EET

(Seriously, you're one of my favorite horz, don't jump!)

..............................................................................................
"House arrest sounds like a dream!" - hermit crabs

Submitted by boston61 on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 8:11pm.

I hate this Kris more than her daughters. Her voice and personality are just total sh*t. Her daughter are filthy mouthed sluts. The one thing Vera's rich parents can't buy her is youth.