Panty Creamer Of The Day: Brian Wilson In A Spandex Tuxedo
The Jheri curl beard on the face of San Francisco Giants' Brian Wilson is usually the main attraction of his overall look, but at last night's ESPYs in L.A. all eyeballs suctioned themselves to his Spandex tuxedo and matching pencil dick cane.
Brian's Spandex tuxedo makes me wish it was possible for Richard Simmons' nipple leche to successfully fertilize a lesbian penguin's ovary. It's what it would look like if Fidel Castro hugged Klaus Nomi from the back.
Brian explained his mess of an ensemble to the Washington Post like this:
“It's a onesie, so it has built-in gloves that are a little dirty because I've been getting a little awkward here on the carpet. And I've got my cougar cane — my 'plus one' tonight.And the socks came in the fan mail from a San Francisco Giants fan. You know who you are, thank you. It said: ‘Enjoy.’ That was the letter. And I'm currently enjoying them. Ninja socks.”
My only problem with this is that when a dude wraps the Spandex around him, I expect to get the gift of a basket of bulge and Brian didn't bring it. You'd think that his matching Jheri curl ball bush would make his crotch zone look like 4 hairy hamsters having an orgy under a Spandex blanket. Maybe he slicked that shit back for this formal occasion, But besides that, Brian's Spandex tuxedo worked for all my senses right (except my sense of smell, because you know his taint reeked of rotten cheese curds marinating in a puddle of hobo sweat).
Wenn.com/FayesVision, Bauer Griffin
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I enjoy his antics, but he is getting a little overexposed. He's a decent pitcher too. It's refreshing to hear an athlete give bizarre answers to the typical sports questions. Dig him.
Totally thought it was Justin Theroux.
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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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as a tried and true born and bred phillies fan i would love to hate on brian wilson i really would. I just cant for some reason he seems like a genuine guy with a weird sense of humor and one killer fucking arm. I think every generation of base ball needs at least one guy like him. That being said i would still rather chase utley over him any day. I would put him back on the dl with all the things i would do to him
Aw, I love weirdos. I even hate beards, but someone needs to bring some spice to this J. Crew world we're living in. It'd be cool if the whole team showed up in kooky costumes. Go Giants!
Whoops! Thought this was Aniston's new piece for a minute.
A fucking LOVE this guy!!!!
'Never mess with a chick with lip liner, no lipstick'
Why does this person even have to exist? He's such a lil' bitch in need of a whole lot of attention. TRY TO IGNORE IT.
@I Love Burgers: Down girl, Down! Deep breaths. Breathe... Breathe.... Relax. (whew!)
I totally would. Totally, totally, totally.
Justin TherouX double
It would appear he is wearing a very (very) "low profile" dance belt. It's what male ballet dancers wear. Some dance belts "enhance" and some aim for this rather disappointing result. Still, it is refreshing to see someone have a bit of fun.
I Love Burgers!!!!!LMAOOOOOOO hahaha!!
Get outta my head!!
I have never had someone so accurately read my mind and express my feelings so eloquently.
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"If you're going through hell, keep going" ~ Winston Churchill
@Talkdirty2me
Amen sister. I want to bump into him, and by bump into him I mean tie him up, hoover his cum out with my vagina and caress his nipples while forcing him to keep constant eye contact with me so he knows the face of the mother of his children.
Imagine what he would wear if he was actually any good. He's taking the Lady Gaga approach of trying to distract from the lack of talent.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
I would leave my husband for this guy..temporarily. I love his sense of humor. He is also gorgeous under all that beard. I live in SF and I'm dying to bump into him; and by bump into him I mean molest him.
Go ahead. Explore Brian Wilson's beard.
He's a master warlock and professional ninja ya know.
http://mlb.mlb.com/alwaysepic/brianwilson/#?fbid=YturxKenth6
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"If you're going through hell, keep going" ~ Winston Churchill
I LOVE the Klaus Nomi reference! Total Eclipse of the Sun! The Eclipses on either side of him. 80's punk rock memories.
Don't do drugs! Drink chocolate milk!
I adore this sort of freakish comedic stuff..he doesn't take himself seriously in this outfit like, oh, Lady gaga I guess. He's a riot. I ignore all things sports but he seems way cooler than the stereotypical jock. I endorse this!
Submitted by Cowjam on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 12:20pm.
@M.E.
Thank you. I try to shrug it off when average losers say that word. But your comments have generally shown you to be thoughtful and considerate
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I didn't mean any disrespect, was just trying to joke on myself for being such an airheaded dipshit lately.
Iz me dissin on Kenny otay?
@M.E.
Thank you. I try to shrug it off when average losers say that word. But your comments have generally shown you to be thoughtful and considerate.
Submitted by taliaann on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 11:14am.
There is only one famous Brian Wilson who matters and it's not this guy
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exactly what i was thinking.
My only problem with this is that when a dude wraps the Spandex around him, I expect to get the gift of a basket of bulge and Brian didn't bring it.
TOTALLY AGREE WITH MK ON THAT LINE UP THERE...i was expecting total schlong and basket all the way very a la those bike riding guys getting their medals awarded to them
what he lacks in.... he makes up for in beard smh geez!
*tell em get in line and kiss your ass MUAH!*
at first I thought that was justin theroux, and I thought, maybe aniston's new man isn't such a douche, if he's awesome enough to do this. but alas...
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"Wrist full of colorful rubberbands!" - album reviewer extraordinaire Khia
quite fittingly...
http://j.mp/f89sny
I can dig it.
♥ Threadkilla!
Girls watch porn too!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6478389/girls-watch-porn-too
I really wanted a back view of this, because baseball players always look like they have giant asses and I want to know if it is just their hideous uniforms or not.
I love him.
lol@Klaus Nomi hugging Fidel Castro from behind
To quote MK:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I'm crying from his hotness. Where has he been all my life. Brian Wilson makes my clit squirt like the Fourth of July.
Submitted by Cowjam on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 11:21am.
@M.E.
Your avatar is heart-breaking and mean-spirited. And you are not-you are so much better than that.
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Wait? WHAT? I'm making fun of myself.
UGH.
Whatever.
The Machine is from the movie 8mm.
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 10:51am.
The Machine is La Pequena's sidekick.
I think Brian used him as a joke to see who would get it
@M.E.
Your avatar is heart-breaking and mean-spirited. And you are not-you are so much better than that.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 11:08am.
Submitted by christine the hoff on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 10:02am.
"settles in next to M.E. and Whammo"
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* puts arms around M.E. and Christine smiling happily;)*
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*hands Whamo flask, Hoff a virgin strawberry daquiri*
Ummm, more like, he doesn't give a shit what y'all think.
There is only one famous Brian Wilson who matters and it's not this guy.
As he yells to the world "lookatme, lookatme, lookatme, lookatme, LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEEE". So sad!!!
Submitted by christine the hoff on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 10:02am.
"settles in next to M.E. and Whammo"
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* puts arms around M.E. and Christine smiling happily;)*
looks comfortable. :)
Can we stop with the nasty, bushy beards already? Alright, we get it...you're irreverent, wacky, and you just don't give a fuck because you're just too fucking cool. We get it, you fucking douche bag.
Apparently he is wearing a gaff too, or maybe he just has a small penis.
SOMEBODY didn't get enough attention as a child.
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I've written a letter to MK...saying...I...love...youuuuuu.
The Machine is La Pequena's sidekick.
I think Brian used him as a joke to see who would get it.
I thought this was Aniston's latest true love.
Submitted by Nancy Grace on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 9:45am.
I would LOVE to rake this CHILD TOUCHER, CHEERLEADER RAPIST, MURDEROUS, HAIRY HIPSTER APE-HOLE across. the. COALS like he DESERVES. This MONSTER ate out his OWN MOTHER WITH THAT BEARD!!!!!! And now it smells like a PILE OF DEAD SMELT, left to rot in the sun as if it were TRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAASH! See that "one testicle" statue behind him? WELL, BRIAN WOULD BE *LUCKY* IF HE HAS EVEN *ONE* LEFT TO WORK WITH AFTER I SHARPEN MY ACRYLIC NAILS AND TEAR HIM TO FUCKING SHREDS!!!!! AHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!! *head spins*
IT WILL BE A COLD DAY IN HHHHHELLLLLLLL, JINKASAURUS, BEFORE I *EVER*, *EEEEEEVERRRR*, ALLOW MY BEAUTIFUL, PRECIOUS MIRACLE TWINS LUCY AND JOHN DAVID TO GO TO A GIANTS GAME AND BE MOLESTED BY THE EYES OF THAT SMARMY BEARDED HARLOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
^^^^^^^^ Naaaancy ah jis wanna say, you are an angel awn earth and ah watch yer show awl the tiiime with my 93 yur old muthah. Ah admire whut you dooo fer awl the victims with no voice. Ah jis don't wanna see anothah Keelie Anthony situashun.
Submitted by PTCruiser on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 10:41am.
i love him.
he's one of the best closers (pitchers) in the major league and he lets his inner performance artist out to play. it's a rare combo, and i appreciate the effort.
he has this personal mascot called "the machine" -- umm it appears here at 0:43
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrkSElfm7Lk&feature=related
and here, brian wilson tells you a little bit more about brian wilson at 0:36
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0tfLic1yvg&feature=youtube_gdata_player
he's a motley fool in the best sense of the word :)
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LOL that was highlarious. You sold me baby, this Brian Wilson is perhaps as much of an enigma as the Beach Boys' Brian Wilson. Stamped: Approved. ; )
My vision of world peace: a chicken in every pot, and pot for all us chickens...and weasels.
I want him like a juicy burger. I would give my left tit for his fresh cum rags. I want his babies.
Great closer, funny, free-thinking nut. It's not an act. He's the perfect symbol for nutty SF.
Usually I think stuff like this is obnoxious, but I find this hilarious. He seems like a funny guy.
Go Giants! And, yeah, this asshole tries too hard, but he gets it done (usually).
Mmkkkkay. I thought he was Jennifer Aniston's boy toy too.lol
Coma Caca!
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