Stop Me If You’ve Heard… (I’m Stopping)

July 13, 2011 / Posted by:

The reporters at UsWeekly gathered around the Four Loko cooler on Friday afternoon and brain farted about whether or not this week’s cover should be dedicated to Pippa Middleton’s ass throughout the months, or to a classic: the Brangelina wedding! Since it’s been way too long since a Brangeloonie slipped a tabloid cover into the Brangelina wedding book they hug and lick whenever the stresses of life turn their crazy up (aka when a Horrible Bosses commercial come on TV), UsWeekly decided to throw them a boner! A truthful boner, of course.

Who cares if Brad Pitt swore he’d never EVER marry St. Angie until he can legally marry her in every state after she gets a sex change (I might be paraphrasing). Who do you believe? Brad Pitt or USWeekly? Put on your Jennifer Aniston ears and then you’ll get your answer. Exactly. The quality that is “honesty” is stored in our brain’s sensitivity chip and we all know Brad doesn’t have any of those! From UsWeekly:

The “I do’s” could take place at their newly renovated Chateau Miraval in Correns, France (conveniently featuring a 16th-century chapel) — but don’t expect a lavish bash in the manner of Pitt’s $1 million nuptials in 2000 to Jennifer Aniston.

This super-couple’s wedding “would be intimate and informal,” one insider says of the pair.

But for real, though. I won’t believe it until I see Maddox wrestling with Jennifer Aniston outside of the chateau’s front gates after she finds out that he stole her favorite Holly Hobbie doll and was planning to pull out its yarn hair while sashaying down the aisle as Brangelina’s flower boy.

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