Ryan Reynolds And Charlize Theron Might Be A Thing

July 13, 2011 / Posted by:

ScarJo was seen at Little Dom’s in Los Feliz this past weekend trying to Magic Erase the image of Sean Penn snorting out wet coke balls out of nose while grunting during a motorboating session by having dinner with ex-husband Ryan Reynolds. A witness tells Life & Style that ScarJo and Ryan were flirting with their eyes and she even pinched at his face cheeks with her fingers (????) at one point. But if UsWeekly is telling the truth, then ScarJo and Ryan only met up so that she could give him the bag of tile spacers he left in her car. You know, the tile spacers he puts between his rock hard ab biscuits so they don’t rub together and chafe when he does his daily routine of doing crunches until his stomach pouch slides into his nutsack for some peace and stillness. But I am digressing all over the place again….

A source says that Ryan and Charlize Theron have been making pretty people sex with each other for at least a few months. They’ve been keeping it on the down low and the source doesn’t expect them to come prancing out onto the ho stroll while holding each other’s genitals anytime soon, because that’s not Charlize’s style. The source went on to say, “They’re exclusive, and it’s very hush-hush. They’re both career-focused, but not in a crazy way.”

Break out the BREAKING NEWS siren! Two pretty people are doing the fuck thing together!!! This never happens!!!! But seriously, slap this shit with both a “random” and “makes sense” label.

Ryan has always sort of rubbed me in a weird way (not like that). It’s those tiny eyes. Even when he opens them as wide as he can, he still looks like he’s been stalking you from across the room for hours and is trying to focus on the little mole under your eye so that he can draw it perfectly on the tribute wall that’s dedicated to you in his room at the halfway house. (And yes, he does thee crunches while drawing your mole.) Charlize, on the other hand, seems like a regular bag of normal. So the two of them together does make me cock my head (not that one) to the side a bit. But Ryan must be shitting four leaf clovers, but he is lucky as hell. You haven’t experienced true love until you’ve slow rolled with Charlize Theron to a Journey song in the middle of a rink.

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