The pieces I’ve read from Plum Miami Magazine’s article on Lindsay Lohan is what it would look like if delusion and ego simultaneously barfed on a sheet of crazy. A MESS! LiLo swung from the L of delusion the entire time. This mess has everything you could ever want from a Lindsay Lohan article and the bitch didn’t even give an interview.
Just like what White Oprah should’ve done those many years ago, she pulled out. So writer Jacquelynn Powers had to make do with what LiLo gave her on the set of the photo shoot and it was just freckled gold covered in fuckery. LiLo started spewing the self-entitlement from the very beginning….
“As we pulled up to the Fontainebleau, a bright-orange parking cone was blocking the entrance. Not accustomed to waiting, apparently, she lowered the car’s window and shouted, ‘Move that cone. I’m Lindsay Lohan,'” Powers recalls. “And it was done.”
You know the orange cone thought to itself, “Move that cunt. I’m actually useful.”
But seriously, “Move that cone. I’m Lindsay Lohan.” is the kind of beautiful poetry that made White Oprah put down her bowl of chardonnay and wipe a tear that mixed with the crusted remains of a kamikaze shot that splattered against her face when a bar back tried to do a shot off her neck the night before (BONUS!). It truly is a good line that should be etched into the asshole of Lindsay Lohan’s tombstone. But the foolery didn’t stop there….
Noting that Lohan drank wine while discussing her sobriety, Powers says the Mean Girls star was “constantly looking for drama, whether it was picking a fight with her younger sister…or freaking out over a lost pair of Zanotti heels.”
In case you’re wondering what a fight between The Curious Case of Ali Lohan and Blohan would look like, click here.
And here’s the best part of this masterful act of delusion:
Frustrated with the state of her career, Lohan said she “took ballet until she was 19 and was indignant that she was not considered for the movie Black Swan,” Powers adds.
Though Lohan abruptly canceled the interview, that didn’t stop her from making the most out of her time in Miami. “Monday morning was supposed to be check-out time, but Lindsay and her posse refused to leave,” Powers writes. “It was like watching the lights come on at a nightclub after-hours — not pretty.”
What. More. Is. There. To. Say? But Lindsay Lohan is right. Bitch should’ve been in Black Swan, and I’m not confusing Black Swan with Crack Swan either. You know that demon that fucks a load of nightmares into Natalie Portman’s being? The first thing I thought after seeing that monster was, “Nope. Not scary enough. Should’ve been Lohan…. Should’ve been Lohan...”