Lindsay Lohan Thinks She Should've Been In Black Swan
The pieces I've read from Plum Miami Magazine's article on Lindsay
Just like what White Oprah should've done those many years ago, she pulled out. So writer Jacquelynn Powers had to make do with what LiLo gave her on the set of the photo shoot and it was just freckled gold covered in fuckery. LiLo started spewing the self-entitlement from the very beginning....
"As we pulled up to the Fontainebleau, a bright-orange parking cone was blocking the entrance. Not accustomed to waiting, apparently, she lowered the car's window and shouted, 'Move that cone. I'm Lindsay Lohan,'" Powers recalls. "And it was done."
You know the orange cone thought to itself, "Move that cunt. I'm actually useful."
But seriously, "Move that cone. I'm Lindsay Lohan." is the kind of beautiful poetry that made White Oprah put down her bowl of chardonnay and wipe a tear that mixed with the crusted remains of a kamikaze shot that splattered against her face when a bar back tried to do a shot off her neck the night before (BONUS!). It truly is a good line that should be etched into the asshole of Lindsay Lohan's tombstone. But the foolery didn't stop there....
Noting that Lohan drank wine while discussing her sobriety, Powers says the Mean Girls star was "constantly looking for drama, whether it was picking a fight with her younger sister...or freaking out over a lost pair of Zanotti heels."
In case you're wondering what a fight between The Curious Case of Ali Lohan and Blohan would look like, click here.
And here's the best part of this masterful act of delusion:
Frustrated with the state of her career, Lohan said she "took ballet until she was 19 and was indignant that she was not considered for the movie Black Swan," Powers adds.Though Lohan abruptly canceled the interview, that didn't stop her from making the most out of her time in Miami. "Monday morning was supposed to be check-out time, but Lindsay and her posse refused to leave," Powers writes. "It was like watching the lights come on at a nightclub after-hours -- not pretty."
What. More. Is. There. To. Say? But Lindsay Lohan is right. Bitch should've been in Black Swan, and I'm not confusing Black Swan with Crack Swan either. You know that demon that fucks a load of nightmares into Natalie Portman's being? The first thing I thought after seeing that monster was, "Nope. Not scary enough. Should've been Lohan.... Should've been Lohan..."
via UsWeekly
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Orange Cone brought to mind my old friend "The Wine Kone" They should get together.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-rcjaBWvx0
The brilliant title and pic combo. The Misadventures of Orange Cone. The scathing commentary. *swoooon* OMG this may just be my favorite thread ever! Fucking LOL.
Thanks for making my morning Michael K and your minions!! *still laughing*
Yeah this is funny for so many upside down reasons. First, Lohan should have been in Black Swan, and it might have had a cult following instead of an actual Oscar following...which was a travesty in itself. But, I'll move on to the magazine article. This reporter is going all Gonzo journalist and writing about herself -- as she witnesses a non-interview occur. I think Hunter Thompson wants to come back from his grave and marry this reporter. Gonzo.....and please let's not start a trend of non-interviews of celebs in upscale lifestyle magazines. I can just see the freelancers (me) spinning about how Vanity Fair will publish their non-interview exclusive now. rolls eyes.
My vision of world peace: a chicken in every pot, and pot for all us chickens...and weasels.
Submitted by from athens on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 7:49am.
is the Orange Cone of the Illuminati persuasia?
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LOOOOOOOOOOOL!
"my brows could subtract that WTF look on your face so move along"
Is this a new drunken fall pic or an old one? And drinking wine during an interview discussing how you are sober? Much like doing lines off a mirror while claiming you don't do drugs?
POS!
Hahaha.this thread is so funny!
I think Orange Cone is going to go the way of Ernest, myself.
You know. Orange Cone goes to camp. Orange Cone goes to jail then rehab, then jail again. Orange Cone saves twitter. Orange Cone and the escape from SCRAM bracelet.
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Be kind to animals, or I'll kill you.
How is this young woman able to afford the lifestyle that she lives? When was the last time she had a real job? Are the residuals from "Mean Girls" that generous?
Submitted by from athens on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 11:36pm.
Newsflash: Orange Cone has stolen Brad away from Angelina.
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LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
is the Orange Cone of the Illuminati persuasia?
The Orange Cone took more ballet lessons than this lying skank.
Pirouetting into the shrubbery as you drunkenly fall the fuck off the sidewalk does not count as taking ballet lessons until you were 19.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
It would be interesting if Lindsay could suddenly re-make "Black Swan" and then compare the two. Just for fun!
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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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This post made my morning, you all's comments are still cracking me up!!
Lindsay vs. an Orange Cone =>
Orange Cone FTW!
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
Title + Photo = LMFPO!!!!
Plus the comments about OC are priceless. I'm considering bookmarking this page. No joke.
Also? This: "Frustrated with the state of her career, Lohan said she "took ballet until she was 19 and was indignant that she was not considered for the movie Black Swan".
VERRRRRY awkward sentence. This bitch is a professional writer? Really? I had to read that shit three times to get it. The sentence starts going some where and ends up lost in some other place.
LMFAO what a cunt, so glad they called her on it!
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Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 7:03pm.
Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 6:51pm
damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!
Drinking wine while discussing her sobriety? ARe you fucking kidding me? Wow. She must think that wine doesn't count because it's grape juice. She can spin any. thing. to suit her agenda.
I heard the Gotti movie has changed writers or some such nonsense and she won't be working for another year or so. OD before then... k? Thanks.
Hate her and her Selma 10 pack a day voice and chipped little rat teef.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 7:54pm.
So classic: She gets a paying gig, right in the middle of the lowest stage of her life (so far), and she proceeds to fuck it up and piss off the employer. So much so that, in what was intended to be a fluff piece for her, it ends up being another piece about what a fuck-up she is
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Definitely. This is one of the most explanatory posts about her; she's such a fuckup that she can't help but fuckup, no matter what the circumstances.
It's also hilarious that posters here hope the orange cone gets more acting work in the future than she does...
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"There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
LOL that picture is hilarious and totally soo black swan.
Oh my god I freaking love this hot mess train wreck gift that keeps giving LOL
I never tire of Lindsay and her mother and their shenanigans.
LOVE LOVE LOVE.
Lindsay in Black Swan would have been so awesome! omg it would have been like a parody.
Linds in Black Swan would have been delicious. Think "I Know Who Killed Me" in a tutu.
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twerk those stumps!
Submitted by kissingassandcu... on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 12:54am.
http://blog.vh1.com/2007-09-10/when-stars-say-dumb-things-avril-lavigne-...
"In a recent interview with Q Magazine, she refers to Hurricane Katrina, (which devastated an entire metropolis and left thousands homeless) as “the hurricane thing [that] happened.” To evidence her charitable nature, Avril filled six whole boxes of things from her closet and told her assistant to “take it to Katrina!” Let’s put aside the grammatical error that would prevent her assistant from taking anything to a ruinous natural disaster and concentrate on this question — what the hell are the brave survivors of Hurricane Katrina going to do with studded belts and Manic Panic hair dye?"
I tried looking for the article on Blohan, too. The USWeekly link has some of it, and it references Gawker, which doesn't say much at all.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 10:44pm.
I'd love to see someone make an avie with OC reaching out from the agave plant to trip Linds up.
OK, so I'm an uber-beginner at PhotoShop and Illustrator...but this is a start. Now, where to find an icon-sized agave plant JPG? Hmm...
[off to burgle the interwebs]
What's the Avril Lavigne quote? I don't remember it! Also, where is the article? The only link I can seem to find is this horrible link to her photo shoot?
Kissing Ass and Cupping Balls. You're Welcome.
That picture is priceless. Veronika Part, eat your heart out! There's a new prima ballerina in town.
More like Black Hole
Submitted by Mrs. Voorhees on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 11:59pm.
You know, I really think if they actually re-re-make "Carrie," she could be a success.
I don't know...Sissy Spacek had an innocent look. Hohan already looks like she could play Carries mother.
You know, I really think if they actually re-re-make "Carrie," she could be a success.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 11:48pm
*controls self from making naughty suggestions about where Rusty's hand might have been*
Submitted by becky n sydney on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 11:41pm.
Speaking of being responsible for things, did you have a hand in Blinky the one-eyed fishy?
Is that the white Mexican shark fetus? My hand was not in it, if that's what you're implying.
Submitted by from athens on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 11:36pm.
Newsflash: Orange Cone has stolen Brad away from Angelina.
In related news: Maddox has just purchased a crossbow, camouflage clothing and night vision goggles.
Submitted by becky n sydney on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 11:33pm.
Submitted by from athens on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 11:27pm.
Compromising pix of Orange Cone and a Manhole Cover have been leaked to the tabloids.
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haha!i just got a phone call,the source is reliable,Orange Cone is now a scientologist!
Submitted by becky n sydney on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 11:23pm.
Angela posts here regularly.
Probably one of Pip/Dot/Fraggle/etc.'s 8,000 alts. Anytime you reply to someone here, there's a 1:6 chance it's Pip.
Submitted by from athens on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 11:27pm.
Compromising pix of Orange Cone and a Manhole Cover have been leaked to the tabloids.
breaking news,a tape with footage of the Orange Cone being a drunk mess and eating a hamburger appeared on the internet.Bitch needs serious help,i feel sorry for little Coney though.
So how did the interview itself go?
“I never got my interview,” Powers wrote. “My associates and I were exhausted from the constant demands, drama, outbursts, cancellations and tsoris from the Lohan clique.”
When she wasn’t looking for drama, Powers wrote, she was out painting the town red.
“Saturday was another night at LIV, and all that implies. Sunday was an all-day party in the penthouse and on the beach. When I arrived at The Raleigh at 7 p.m. to conduct my interview, even her handlers were incoherent. Car services were sent and rebuffed.
“Even Aliana departed, but Lindsay wouldn’t end the party … it was like watching the lights come on at a nightclub after-hours — not pretty.”
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 11:19pm.
Angela posts here regularly. :)
Submitted by becky n sydney on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 11:15pm.
Angela is responsible for SFRB's wriggler.
Well, that's not Aussie this time, but it's equally obscure. *calling Angela* "Hi, you don't know me, but you made a .gif of a wriggling penis on Dlisted... Hello? It's what?"
@Rusty Hooligan
Speaking of being responsible for things, did you have a hand in Blinky the one-eyed fishy?
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 11:10pm.
I don't know no Angela; I thought you mint Angel_i.
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Angela is responsible for SFRB's wriggler.
Submitted by becky n sydney on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 10:57pm.
I don't know no Angela; I thought you mint Angel_i.
....
"The fleshy heat of him pressing against her like the air of a midsummer day thick with the threat of thunder." (B. Black)
Submitted by from athens on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 11:04pm.
we heard that Orange Cone has a case of the tinymeat,is Orange Cone a homosexual?
haaaaaaaaaaaaaa! (Err, that's tinymeat??)
....
"The fleshy heat of him pressing against her like the air of a midsummer day thick with the threat of thunder." (B. Black)
we heard that Orange Cone has a case of the tinymeat,is Orange Cone a homosexual?
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 10:55pm.
Then add eyeshadow, lip liner, and a mole??
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Whaaa???
Submitted by becky n sydney on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 10:50pm.
Ask Angela nicely, and she probably will!!
Then add eyeshadow, lip liner, and a mole??
....
"The fleshy heat of him pressing against her like the air of a midsummer day thick with the threat of thunder." (B. Black)
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 10:44pm.
I'd love to see someone make an avie with OC reaching out from the agave plant to trip Linds up.
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Ask Angela nicely, and she probably will!!
Submitted by yucko on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 10:44pm.
Who the fuck would they get to play her "double"? (whatever you want to call Mila's role) Who has a shape like Lindsay's? Ruler-shaped body with big tits, long torso, long, thick legs.
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hhmmm... a double for Lindsay, huh?... a corpse!... this looks like a job for Tim Burton to undertake!LOL!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Submitted by becky n sydney on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 10:41pm.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 10:37pm.
Blohan's an uninsurable, unreliable wash-up.
Orange Cone has superpowers.
I'd love to see someone make an avie with OC reaching out from the agave plant to trip Linds up.
....
"The fleshy heat of him pressing against her like the air of a midsummer day thick with the threat of thunder." (B. Black)