Open Post: Hosted By Jake Gyllenhaal Slurping Down A Worm

The long-awaited Brokeback Iceland episode of Man vs. Wild was finally spread across your TV screens last night and it had enough gay innuendos to a fill a soundboard that you'd play while stroking the polyester mane of your Jakey G Barbie. It was "That's what he said!" after "That's what he said!"

Jake admitted that he loves digging holes and then Jake swallowed a worm right before Bear told us he was about to eat something full of protein. Just when you were about to tell them to go get a snow cave together, THEY DID!

You know, I was all prepared to go on and on about how I really hope Discovery After Dark shows the cut footage of Bear Grylls and his Jakey cub cuddling for warmth in the hallowed out body of a dead moose or hydrating each other's body with homemade enemas, but nope. I don't need to since they pretty much covered all the bases.

Just look at these topless bears holding hands while frolicking into the icy river together.

"They're right up in my throat!" Jakey really knows his audience.

Posted by: Michael K

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Open Post

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Submitted by huntsy on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 7:24am.

Thank you, thank you, thank you Michael K.

Submitted by boston61 on Wed, 07/13/2011 - 7:35am.

The thing is why wouldn't Jake shave before going on this adventure? Jake plans his stubble.

Submitted by becky n sydney on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 10:02pm.

Just when I get to have a sit down, everyone goes to bed.
*sigh*
Fuck my timezone. :(

Submitted by jsl48813 on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:39pm.

Jake was like prancing around in the cold fucking water. I am sure his butt hole shriveled and when the nature boy fucked him it was tight.. lol

Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:20pm.

:-) Sure thing night owl... HOOOTHOOOT

There's this screech owl that eats rodents from this field next to me. I love hearing it!

Submitted by nightowl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:11pm.

Night ESE! Goodnight everyone else, I've gotta go!

Submitted by nightowl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:56pm.

Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 10:18pm.

Thanks SFRB! I just wanted to hear from her directly so that I can be reassured that she's ok! : )

Submitted by Mrs. Doubtfire on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:50pm.

Mrs. Doubtfire is out too, loves.

It appears Kenneth G. isn't into granny love so I'm going to off myself with my control top pantyhose.

Let's hope the pantyhose win, otherwise you will have to beat yourselves up over my comeback tomorrow.

/wobbles on chair

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:49pm.

off and running, folks!

what?... reruns of "The Simpsons" aren't gonna watch themselves, ya know!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e08gKJrVo0Y

see ya, all!!

-----------------------------
"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."

Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:48pm.

I just messaged her and told her to come say SHHELLOOOO a la JJ EVANS...

Love you WHORES - ALL OF YOU!

mah dahlings - RELAX AND STOP TRIPPIN! JUST WATCH YOUR FEET ON THE FLOOR AND WALK AROUND IT!

*slips back into sugarfreeredbull-land (AKA switch back and forth from work/facebook land)*

ETA: oh yeah I was talking about Khensu/"Venefica A"

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:47pm.

Submitted by nightowl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 10:14pm.

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 10:04pm.

let's just hope she's in the middle of...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UMUSxBZhjA

***************

LOL that's pretty trippy! I don't have volume on my laptop so I have no idea what that was! : )
-----------------------------------------------

it's silly as all hell, but a well wish for a college student such as Khensu!LOL!

-----------------------------
"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."

Submitted by nightowl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:47pm.

Night CSG!

Submitted by Mrs. Doubtfire on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:46pm.

Night, Catholic School Girl!

I'm keep some cold meat on ice in your and Winston's honor.

I need some more Febreeze though. Oh my.

Submitted by nightowl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:44pm.

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 10:04pm.

let's just hope she's in the middle of...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UMUSxBZhjA

***************

LOL that's pretty trippy! I don't have volume on my laptop so I have no idea what that was! : )

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:40pm.

night, CSG!

-----------------------------
"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."

Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:39pm.

OK I'm really going now - sweet dreams dlisters!
__________________________________
"Look. Lets just cut to the chase. If you are so into me, then lets go to the bathroom, you can blow me and I can get back to my dinner." - The Piv

Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:37pm.

Submitted by cliffdweller on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:56pm.
Cliffy - thanks for the music link. Awesome tune but I had to smile when I saw the lead singer's hair because every girl I know (including me) has cut their hair that short ONCE, and then cried hysterically afterwards because they hated it.
Just seeing it brought back memories. Thanks for the smile.
__________________________________
"Look. Lets just cut to the chase. If you are so into me, then lets go to the bathroom, you can blow me and I can get back to my dinner." - The Piv

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:34pm.

Submitted by nightowl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:55pm.

Thanks ESE and CSG. I was beginning to worry but have been thinking that she might just be busy.
------------------------------------------------

let's just hope she's in the middle of...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UMUSxBZhjA

i miss my late night buddy, she was always up at 4 a.m. when the sleeping pills don't work for me

-----------------------------
"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."

Submitted by cliffdweller on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:26pm.

Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:40pm.

Sounds like a future light fixture in the making.

Here's some eye candy for the exponents:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ih7GCa3Hpww

Nite all.

Submitted by nightowl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:25pm.

Thanks ESE and CSG. I was beginning to worry but have been thinking that she might just be busy.

Submitted by Mrs. Doubtfire on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:24pm.

I think the beautiful Khensu hetep was doing some college time. She was my daughter's age.

I miss her too. She was super sweet. :)

Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:21pm.

Submitted by nightowl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:43pm.
Has anyone seen Khensu hetep lately?
___________________________________
Hi nightowl- haven't seen Khensu here in months. But I remember her saying that she was going to be returning to college full-time, so I hope she's busy with all good things.

I think one of the other dlisters may be in touch with her through Facebook. Maybe SFRB(?), I can't remember but Mickey H asked after Khensu a few weeks or months ago and someone had been in touch with her and said she was doing fine.

KHENSU - if you're lurking, just drop us a quick note to let us know you're ok.
__________________________________
"Look. Lets just cut to the chase. If you are so into me, then lets go to the bathroom, you can blow me and I can get back to my dinner." - The Piv

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:16pm.

Submitted by nightowl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:43pm.

Has anyone seen Khensu hetep lately?
--------------------------------------

nope... been wondering that one for a while, myself.

-----------------------------
"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."

Submitted by nightowl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:13pm.

Has anyone seen Khensu hetep lately?

Submitted by Mrs. Doubtfire on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:12pm.

Kenneth G,

Leave (my lovel ex psycho wife) Miranda out of this.

Yes, she ended up with bone problems but that was because she did one too many yogurt commercials and chipped a few teeth with her construction grade vibrators).

BTW, I think I LOVE YOU.

Winston's corpse just moved under my bed.

Oh my. I should know better at my tender old age. I'm surprised John Malkovich doesn't spring his face out of one of my adult diapers. Oh my. I'd poop myself for certain!

Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:10pm.

Submitted by cliffdweller on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:35pm.
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:28pm.

Okay, I'll turn down the fan a notch so the cups don't blow away.
__________________________________
Thanks Cliffy - although if they do blow away, they're easy to spot. Much like the finest Waterford cystal, the red-ringed, Solo plastic 18 ouncers with the white interiors are recognizable anywhere.
__________________________________
"Look. Lets just cut to the chase. If you are so into me, then lets go to the bathroom, you can blow me and I can get back to my dinner." - The Piv

Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:06pm.

'Night UBF. OMG Manimal, it's official - I've been single so long the mention of ballsack sweat and construction sites made me tingle. Kill me now.

*tazes self before going to bed*
__________________________________
"Look. Lets just cut to the chase. If you are so into me, then lets go to the bathroom, you can blow me and I can get back to my dinner." - The Piv

Submitted by cliffdweller on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:05pm.

Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:28pm.

Okay, I'll turn down the fan a notch so the cups don't blow away.

Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:03pm.

'night Momus - hope the pain reliever works long enough for you to get a full nights sleep.
________________________________
"Look. Lets just cut to the chase. If you are so into me, then lets go to the bathroom, you can blow me and I can get back to my dinner." - The Piv

Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:02pm.

Night, whorz. Too hot to stay awake....

Ya`ll be good..

===========================================

"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
--------------------------------------------------
http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs

Submitted by Manimal5 on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:02pm.

It's pretty hot in NY also 95 today and same for tomorrow...I drank at least a gallon of water today.
I'm on a construction site so it gets a little sticky but plenty of AC at home. Ball sack sweat is no fun.

Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:02pm.

Pain med activating. I'm out.

G'Night all.

************************************************
“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkien.
************************************************

Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:01pm.

Have a great night dlisters - try to stay cool!

__________________________________
"Look. Lets just cut to the chase. If you are so into me, then lets go to the bathroom, you can blow me and I can get back to my dinner." - The Piv

Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 7:58pm.

Submitted by cliffdweller on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:22pm.
*passes CSG a fan*
Thanks Cliffy, but could you hold it higher, and to the left? I'm trying to pour right now and all of my concentration is focused on keeping the glass under the rubber spigot.
__________________________________
"Look. Lets just cut to the chase. If you are so into me, then lets go to the bathroom, you can blow me and I can get back to my dinner." - The Piv

Submitted by Kenneth G on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 7:57pm.

Mrs. D, you know I'd eat the mothballs right out of your geriatric vajayjay...you name the time and place! And bring along your saucy boss Miranda. Christ, Sally Field is hot. She'll need more than an extra dose of Boniva when I'm done with her!

Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 7:56pm.

Submitted by YouAnnoyMeGoAway on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:22pm.

Ahahahaha YAM - we have this conversation all the time at work. I'm of the "It's easier to put more clothes on and try to stay warm in the winter" persuasion. Especially as NO ONE wants to see me take off clothing in the summer to cool down.
__________________________________
"Look. Lets just cut to the chase. If you are so into me, then lets go to the bathroom, you can blow me and I can get back to my dinner." - The Piv

Submitted by cliffdweller on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 7:52pm.

Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:10pm.

I'm good thanks. *passes CSG a fan* Hope your recent injuries were able to make your arguments that much more convincing.

Submitted by YouAnnoyMeGoAway on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 7:52pm.

It's hot. It's humid. It's fucking gross. HATE. IT.

But on a positive note, only 73 more days until the first day of Fall on 9/23/11. (not sure why I used that as a milestone, but in most places the temps have definately cooled down a lot by then ..)

Then we can all piss-n-moan about how freakin' cold it is, and how much snow/rain we're getting ... Would MUCH rather be too cold than too hot - wayyy easier to warm up, than to cool down.

Submitted by RustyHooligan on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 7:51pm.

Jakey read somewhere (Men's Health? Outside?) that the standard treatment for hypothermia in the wilderness is to get in a down bag naked with the victim (also naked) until his body temp recovers.

Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 7:50pm.

Submitted by Miss Francis on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:18pm.
@Momus, What did you end up wearing on your foot today? Hope it wasn't too miserable (or you had a butler carry you to work.)

=====

I wore flip-flops on the drive to court, wore square-toed boots in court, and returned to the flip-flops for the drive home.

Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 7:49pm.

Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:11pm.
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:08pm.

Bjork was here this afternoon. Got a bit fed up with the trolls but stayed for a while.
__________________________________
Thanks Momus, maybe if I leave a trail of airplane gin bottles, Bjorkie will sniff them out and find his way back here.
__________________________________
"Look. Lets just cut to the chase. If you are so into me, then lets go to the bathroom, you can blow me and I can get back to my dinner." - The Piv

Submitted by Miss Francis on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 7:48pm.

@Momus, What did you end up wearing on your foot today? Hope it wasn't too miserable (or you had a butler carry you to work.)

Submitted by Mrs. Doubtfire on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 7:47pm.

Kenneth G on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:08pm.

So what did Posh name her piglet?

I'm sad I didn't get to fuck her while she was pregnant! I love skinny pregnant chicks.

PICK ME! PICK ME, Kenneth G (hey, that rhymed, I'mma poet and I knowit).

Are you into necrophilia, Kenny? I'm near death...I even have that old person smell funk...

WHAT SAY YOU?

*waits with slow heart-beat*

Submitted by putas on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 7:47pm.

Austin texas is the worst heat. It's been over one hundred fucking degrees here for a month and isn't ending anytime soon. Those winters I get to wear t shirts and flippy floppys? Paybacks are a bitch it's called "end of may through august". FMR. I refuse to go outside unnecessarily until the sun goes down

Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 7:44pm.

Pain meds will start working in about thirty minutes.

Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 7:41pm.

Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 9:08pm.

Bjork was here this afternoon. Got a bit fed up with the trolls but stayed for a while.

Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 7:40pm.

Submitted by cliffdweller on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:56pm.

I have finally got my troll-dar software upgraded. I won't name any name because I don't want to get into a spitting match with them.

How's everything in your neck of the woods?