If the thought of Jesse Metcalfe shaking his “bigger in Texas” tits next to the other Desperate Housewives piece in Dallas 2012 made you want to go back in time to throw yourself in front of the bullet heading for J.R. , then you might want to get in line at the time machine. Or maybe not.
Last night, TNT aired the first preview for the new Dallas, which stars Man Tits Metcalfe (as Bobby and Pam’s adopted son), Josh Henderson (as J.R. and Sue Ellen’s son John Ross II), Larry Hagman, Linda Gray, Patrick Duffy, Charlene Tilton, Brenda Strong, Jordana Brewster and Julie Gonzalo. The first of 10 episodes will start airing in one damn year.
It’s still too early to tell if this is going to be a sloppy mess like the one Jesse Metcalfe’s over-lactating nipples make in his tank top when he sneezes too hard. I only hope that the season one finale is titled: Who Plucked J.R.’s Abominable Snowman Brows?
And you can go ahead and sign my name at the bottom of the “Where in the Alexis Carrington wannabe Hell is that hot bitch Angelica Nero?!” petition you’re going to send to TNT.