Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 12, 2011 / Posted by:

This highly important news story, which is relevant to all your interests, is over a week old, but it’s still scrolling at the top of CNN’s BREAKING NEWS banner (no, it’s not) and rightly so. Meet Miss Louisa Belle. Miss Louisa Belle is that ho at the restaurant who summons a roll from a server’s eye when the wine is poured for her approval and she spends years sniffing it like Lindsay Lohan in a cocaine windstorm. You see, 7-year-old Miss Louisa is a bloodhound dog who knows her shit and her owners, Michelle Edwards and Daniel Fischl, regularly uses her nose to test the wines at their label Linnaea in Melbourne, Victoria. Yes, Linnaea’s the winery that puts out the bottles with a label that reads: Approved by Miss Louisa Belle (and may contain dog snot).

Daniel tells The Herald Sun that Miss Louisa knows if a glass or barrel of wine is off due to tainted corks just by raising a nostril at it. Daniel says, “Most wineries rely on the human nose but that is time-consuming, costly and nowhere near as reliable as Belle, whose nose is 2000 times more sensitive than ours.” Miss Louisa’s nose can also sniff out mildew leaves on vines and faulty corks.

Raise one to Miss Louisa Belle and thank her for helping to put out wine that doesn’t taste like wet ass! Speaking of tasting like ass, this has given me an idea. Whenever I take my dog to the dog park, that ho sniffs ass like it’s written under “occupation” on his tax forms. He takes his ass sniffing seriously (like father owner, like dog son…) and he knows tainted ass when he sniffs one. I know this because every time I sit next to him, he immediately moves to the other side of the sofa. Maybe he can use that skill to get a damn job so he can stop mooching off of me. So does anybody know of anyone who is looking for a full-time nose to sniff out tainted ass? A colon specialist? Tommy Girl? John Travolta? Anybody?

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