Jessica Simpson Makes Out With Her $15,000 Birthday Gift
When Papa Joe prayed for Jessica Simpson to put her lips on an overpriced orange leather bag, he was referring to himself and not a $15,000 Hermes Birkin bag. (Bitch should've been more specific.) On Jessica Simpson's 31st barday, her leased whore and fiance Eric Johnson gifted her with a big orange leather bag that she puckered up to just as her ass lips puckered out a wet orange air kiss (she's dehydrated) into her chonies. Blame the morning beer.
Yes, Eric should've really given Jessica a Hermes enema bag since that gross bitch is gassier than a pig in a cabbage patch, but the Birkin bag was still a sweet gift. You know what would've really made me AWWWWW in my warm place? If Eric Tweeted a picture of him kissing the black American Express card with Jessica's name on it that he used to buy her $15,000 gift. Even the Hermes salesperson made an AWWWW when Eric asked them if he could get cash back.