Michael Todd, the bassist for the band Coheed and Cambria (Google them, you dumb fuck!), earned himself the perfect “I knew I hit rock bottom when…” story to tell in rehab yesterday when he robbed a Walgreens pharmacy for some OxyContin just hours before his band opened for Soundgarden at the Comcast Center in Mansfield, Massachusetts.
The New York Post reports that at about 1pm on Sunday, Michael Todd did the withdrawal strut into a Walgreens in Attleboro and showed a pharmacy employee a note on his cell phone that said he will detonate a bomb if they don’t hand over a bunch of OxyContin pills. After the employee handed Michael six bottles of Oxy, he jumped into a taxi and headed back to the venue. With a little help from the taxi dispatcher, the police tracked Michael down at the Comcast Center and busted him for armed robbery and possession of a controlled substance. The band went on without him and later said this on their Tumblr:
Michael Todd was arrested today on what we consider very serious charges and therefore he will not be finishing up the current tour. Wes Styles, long time member of the Coheed family will take on bass duties starting tomorrow for the remaining dates. No shows will be canceled.
We are surprised to say the least and will address the situation with Michael after the tour. For now, we just want to have a great time out here and finish with some killer shows in Boston, Poughkeepsie, Quebec City and Halifax.
Why in hillbilly hell did this happen? Couldn’t Michael Todd have politely asked for some Oxy on his tour rider? Couldn’t Michael Todd sniff up Chris Cornell’s ass in hopes that maybe just maybe he’d snort up some bad shit that never made it out? Couldn’t Michael Todd just snort up a line of OxyClean and cotton bits and just told his brain to believe (detonate the GONG for that one, I deserve it). Couldn’t Michael Todd have done ANYTHING besides rob a damn Walgreens and use a taxi as a getaway car?! Those who say that the worst side effect for drug addiction is dumbfuckery might be right.
And Michael Todd’s sad mug shot just says it all. That’s the same look Harper Seven is going to make when she realizes that Posh & Becks named her Harper Seven.