Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 11, 2011 / Posted by:

Today is 7-Eleven’s 84th anniversary and to celebrate filling people with hot dogs that look like they’ve been suffering from the flu for days and providing people with glamorous entertainment (example: Seeing a crackhead who might’ve been a pussy peddler repeatedly overflow cup after cup with coffee for 10-minutes straight before anybody told her anything was a highlight of the fall of ’99 for me) for decades, they are giving away 5 millions free Slurpees at participating locations! Sadly, they won’t be giving out Slurpuccino, because they stopped making that shit years ago.

The Slurpuccino was a limited-edition flavor that 7-Eleven tried out for a quick second in 2008. It was supposed to replace Starbucks’ Frapp as the first choice for anybody who wants to suck on a drink that gives their head hypothermia and their ass hypodiarrhea-ah. It didn’t and don’t ask me why. The Slurpuccino had everything going for it. I mean, it tasted like if someone guzzled down 8-gallons of coffee and pissed it all out into a toilet full of frozen powdered milk cubes. And the name Slur-POO-ccino sounds like a NOT RIGHT fuck act involving way too much saliva, scat and a Chinese Mexican. Yeah, I don’t know why that one didn’t become Brit Brit’s favorite beverage to give some sloppy fellatio too. Before it’s time.

Anyway, Happy 7-Eleven Day everyone!

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