Suri Cruise Has Some Competition
Expert tummy tuckers, the most skilled uterus reupholsters from Germany, a tongue re-finisher to completely scrape all food particles from the mouth, a stylist specializing in hospital gowns and a nurse whose only job is to spritz champagne mist are all standing by waiting for Posh Beckham to gracefully sneeze out (via C-section, of course) Princess Beckham. Posh Beckham will give birth to Suri Cruise's obvious rival any day now and she's already got everything ready. And by "everything" I mean "FASHION," of fucking course!
The Daily Mail is saying that Posh has already filled the closets of her unborn daughter (whose name will either be Élancé Pout or Juliet Queens Penelope) with designer clothes that are worth more than your internal organs and even a pair of custom-made Louboutin baby pumps complete with his signature red sole. They're calling them "miniboutins." And I think I just had a miniboubarf in my mouth. But for seriously....
If Posh could shit, she would shit in stilettos. If Posh could surgically implant stiletto bones into her heels, she would (and she's looking into it... she's waiting to hear from Switzerland) do it. So of course, Posh's only daughter is going to crawl in Louboutins before she can even say Louboutins. Actually, that's not true. I'm told that right after her birth, Princess Beckham will be flown by helicopter to a newborn speech therapist who will immediately teach her how to gurgle out the word "Louboutins" in case Posh happens to go mute, blind and hand-less and needs to communicate to the shoe salesperson at Saks that she wants everything with a red sole. This is the first thing every Beckham child learns in case of an emergency.
I really wish I was fly on Tommy Girl's used dildo so I can witness for myself the wall-ripping, chandelier crashing, robot malfunctioning tantrum Suri Cruise is going to throw when she finds out that Princess Beckham will be the newborn queen of the high heel catwalk before her first birthday. I mean, Suri was a late bloomer and didn't start working the heels until she was at least 2 or 3! I can already see a 6-month-old Princess Beckham killing hos in 6-inch heels while throwing Suri a silver spoon side-eye that says, "gooburpgagagooburp." That translates into, "amateur, sit down," by the way.
Here's Becks hanging out with Prince William and Kate Middleton at some thing in L.A. yesterday. Becks told Prince William that Posh couldn't make it because she's tired. In Posh talk, "tired" really means "too fat for public viewing."
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*kisses*
I can't stop saying it, but Kate looks really old for her age. She needs to see a specialist soon, because by the time she hits 35, she is going to look like she is 60.
Posh looks awful in that goth mismatch Jersey Shore look. What the hell ?? Did she meet William and Kate like that ? Damn.
Based on her snout being more piggy-ish than usual and her face, I believe she's pregnant..Kelly P and Nicole Kidman wore pillows for sure...I can't tolerate Suri Cruise despite her being 5... I can spot intolerable brats from a mile away
Genuinely believe she does not wanna see stick thin Kate gloat at her fatness. Vicky is a moron.
I don't understand how she is that pregnant and doesn't have swollen feet and ankles. When I was that far along I could barely cram my feet into a pair of house slippers. Bitch cannot be eating well.
You're killing me today Miss Franicis.
I was thinking the spawn of an orgy between Miss Piggy, Southpark's Satan and his boyfriend Saddam Hussein, whoever was more drugged up between the Olsen twins, and an insolent mall Goth.
And yes, beige, patent leather platform Louboutin pumps are the dress shoes of choice for stockyard animal fetishists the world over.
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("Hooves! You're right! All I see now when I look at this pic is an anemic centaur, or Satan's teenage brat daughter, wrapped in a cheap funeral luncheon tablecloth.").
Submitted by Suzy Farkis on Sun, 07/10/2011 - 9:27am.
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is a rich Brit (she comes from a very privileged background if everything else wasn't enough) and she has enough lip for everyone.-----------------
RHW has Polish Jewish blood from her paternal great-grandmother. Maybe that's where those lips came from.
No way someone that far along in their pregnancy has such thin ankles and can wear those shoes. Pillow under the dress? I vote yes.
Submitted by little_rascal on Sun, 07/10/2011 - 8:42am.
Those hooves, hahahaha.
Hooves! You're right! All I see now when I look at this pic is an anemic centaur, or Satan's teenage brat daughter, wrapped in a cheap funeral luncheon tablecloth.
Just noticed she resembles J. Low-Hew in the face (and probably the butt, under that tablecloth.)
Is she really preggo, or is she pulling a Kelly Preston? Either or, she looks awful.
thumbnail 6: Kate looks not a day under 45.
Her skin is beat.
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"A hole's a hole as long as there's a little heat in there." - suckandfuck
"The dudes look plucked and pampered while the chicks look fucked and tampered. I love it." - MK
·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.><
Pumps? Really? She makes me sick the way she feels this need to always be up on fashion ... Even at the risk of losing her balance on those ridiculous shoes while carrying a baby ! FOR WHAT? To look good? Nice try .. but epic fail.
I find her the most useless woman in tinsel town.
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is a rich Brit (she comes from a very privileged background if everything else wasn't enough) and she has enough lip for everyone.
Posh looks terrifying. That looks like botoxed skin over bone. She must really be ill in the noggin.
Come on people....Poshy has carried and birthed 3 healthy boy kids. I think she knows how to do this by now. Pretty sure the little girlie girl is getting her nutrients. The boys seem well-adjusted. I hope the girl will be too and not become an insecure and/or obnoxious mess or anorexic like Allegra Versace.
Submitted by annZ on Sun, 07/10/2011 - 4:53am.
Submitted by Abby Normal on Sun, 07/10/2011 - 12:26am.
The black dress on a pregnant mother just seems all sorts of wrong but I'm probably being too superstitious and I'll leave it at that.
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My most comfy dress when I was pregnant was black, and I wore the hell out of it. I think some people also say that it's wrong to wear black at a wedding (as a guest), but lots of women do.
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I don't think there's anything wrong with wearing black. Posh's whole look here is giving me Morticia Addams vibes, though.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
And Becks actually humps that thing.
Do no rich British women have lips? Is is because they keep a "stiff upper lip?" And why are they so fond of black liquid eyeliner? Is it to take attention away from the fact that they have no lips?
Photos of the royals at BAFTA last night (and J-Lo!), goofy fans at the red carpet, and William playing polo:
http://framework.latimes.com/2011/07/09/will-kate-royal-visit-california...
Those hooves, hahahaha.
I truly feel for this kid. It will be a miracle if she grows up without an eating disorder.
I really hope this kid is a total tomboy and tells Mommykins to shove her high heels and dresses.
Posh looks really disgusting! There is seriously a difference between good skinny and bad skinny, and I don't think she gets it...anyways, I cannot stand this smug bitch and feel bad for that unborn child...if it's a girl, you could imagine all the insecurities she's going to grow up with thanks to her dear mama!
"I make myself sick, Get on my own nerves. Immature, insecure,Grown up nerd."
-Fat lip (The Pharcyde)
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Sun, 07/10/2011 - 7:36am.
She's 100% pregnant. However, there is a 0% chance they got that baby through fucking.
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LMAO!!!!! Go Lucifer!!
I thought this was Marilyn Manson sans fards and in drag.
She looks awful and without joy. Too bad she confuses that with fashion and taste.
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"This is what we call the floating world . . .” (Ryoi, c.1661)
" . . . the world needs to be shut down. I mean it this time. SHUT IT DOWN". (MK, c.2009)
She's 100% pregnant. However, there is a 0% chance they got that baby through fucking.
Posh is gonna have the thinnest baby on the block! And I hope she falls in those heels and lands on her stomach.
"uuugggh i feel awful. Does this baby bump make me look fat?"
She really does look awful and gray. I'm sure that 1-lb. baby of hers is the size of a grape.
poor thing is getting off to a rough start in life.
I do need to get my glasses adjusted. at first glance, I thought that was JLove Heweitt in a Hefty garbage bag.
When is MK getting back from vacation?
These War and Peace posts are becoming a drag...
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GERONIMO!
Too much to ask to shave to meet the royals, huh?
I like Posh. Really, I do. She is harmless.
Her husband?
Not so much.
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Submitted by Abby Normal on Sun, 07/10/2011 - 12:26am.
The black dress on a pregnant mother just seems all sorts of wrong but I'm probably being too superstitious and I'll leave it at that.
_____________________
My most comfy dress when I was pregnant was black, and I wore the hell out of it. I think some people also say that it's wrong to wear black at a wedding (as a guest), but lots of women do.
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"Puritanism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy" - H. L. Mencken
Submitted by Abby Normal on Sun, 07/10/2011 - 12:26am.
The black dress on a pregnant mother just seems all sorts of wrong but I'm probably being too superstitious and I'll leave it at that.
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Why is it wrong to wear black when pregnant?
Submitted by sonne on Sun, 07/10/2011 - 2:57am.
Has this been posted already? Kate's bare butt (half butt) for anyone who might be half interested. ;) Better than looking at that anorexic pregnant demon.
http://www.torontosun.com/2011/07/08/kates-marilyn-moment-in-calgary
Mini rant...how can anyone be so selfish as to starve their baby during pregnancy? I must not understand the disease because I don't get it
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for real.these tricks destroy motherhood,femininity with their vulgar existences,it's a sick world
She is pregnant. Trust. Lainey had some beach pics where Voc looked FATTER (in her opening post a few days ago). There was a rumour she had a surrogate but like the other 3 this is an IVF baby from the Portland. But it is actually in her stomach.
Has this been posted already? Kate's bare butt (half butt) for anyone who might be half interested. ;) Better than looking at that anorexic pregnant demon.
http://www.torontosun.com/2011/07/08/kates-marilyn-moment-in-calgary
Mini rant...how can anyone be so selfish as to starve their baby during pregnancy? I must not understand the disease because I don't get it.
Eep. How can she work those heels while being pregnant. I mean I know she can, but the risk factor is something to think about. Her center of balance is off with the baby bump, so why risk falling on her ass?
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"Puritanism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy" - H. L. Mencken
There was a picture of her naked stomach in one of the Afternoon crumbs this week. She's preggers.
I don't believe she is pregnant either. She hired a surrogate this time.
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When the rain is blowing in your face,
and the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace to make you feel my love
- Adele
I have nothing against Kate, but she either needs to a) start eating or b)inject enough silicone in her face that could fill Kim K's ass.
Homegirl is looking gaunt and it is aging her by ten years. I guarantee within the next six months she'll be going to a plastic surgeon.
"...witness for myself the wall-ripping, chandelier crashing, robot malfunctioning tantrum Suri Cruise is going to throw"-MK
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Those beige 6-incher, 8th month preggo shoes already done thrown Suri into a Hades-gate fit. LET THE PRINCESS RAGE-WARS BEGIN! Thetans vs Athletes. Can't fucking wait.
*sets up lawn chair, boxed p.noir, ring dings, steak, potato salad, shrimp, case of ggoose and all that shit*
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"...How I feel?...Your heart rate is jacked; your hand, steady...I haven't slept for fucking weeks...and you're going to, what, you're going to close my file?!...You're fucking ridiculous." -Billy Costigan, The Departed
I bet Skeletor isn't actually pregnant. If she's supposed to be ready to pop, she should get herself a more convincing pillow.
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If you wanna be in black and white, black and white's gotta be IN YOU!
The black dress on a pregnant mother just seems all sorts of wrong but I'm probably being too superstitious and I'll leave it at that.
SFRB, your wiggly cock is SPECTACULAR and distracting only in the best and most hilarious of ways so long as my ADD drugs haven't worn off.
Is she kidding with these shoes? They are like the length of her calfs.
...
.
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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
oops
Gwyneth's wood-fired macrobiotic ass in a bikini in Italy:
http://socialitelife.com/gwyneth-paltrow-sizzles-in-tiny-red-bikini-with...
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Sat, 07/09/2011 - 10:22pm.
Submitted by kittymuffin on Sat, 07/09/2011 - 10:19pm.
EveryStrangersEyes
in a bad mood...
huh? is this true?
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don't worry... i'm still drinking through the mood.
okay.. I'll talk to you in about an hour
Élancé Pout
HAH
oh, and stop having goddamn babies, you Beckham douchefucks.
MK nailed it. this helpless little forthcoming trophy girl could not possibly be more doomed.
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
Submitted by kittymuffin on Sat, 07/09/2011 - 10:19pm.
EveryStrangersEyes
in a bad mood...
huh? is this true?
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don't worry... i'm still drinking through the mood.
OT: meh, i've said all that i'm gonna say on this subject
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
EveryStrangersEyes
in a bad mood...
huh? is this true?