Which Would GOOP Rather Put In Her Mouth: Crack Or Canned Cheese?

July 7, 2011 / Posted by:

Fishsticks Paltrow tells Johnathon Ross (via The Mirror) that if you put a can of Easy Cheese (or Slut Cheese as I call it) and a crack pipe in front of her and asked her to choose one, she’d make like Whitney Houston and let the white ghost in.

I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can.”

If Fishy’s trying to get every crack dealer to change their occupation to spray cheese dealer, it’s working. Of course, Fishy’s crack comes from her private crackmonger Lionel who makes it with organic coca leaves from a small South American tribe you’ve never heard of and cooks it in a wood burning crack oven in his backyard. And when Fishy’s not smoking crack out of a hand blown pipe from Portugal, she’s boozing it up!

“I drink constantly while I’m cooking. Wine, either color.”

While cooking up crack, I’m sure.

And now to stop my eyes from rolling (Yes, I can roll my eyes and type at the same time. It’s my only skill.) after reading this insufferable bitch’s words of pretension, I’m going to need to smoke dried squirt cheese out of a crack.

(Thanks Allen)

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