Which Would GOOP Rather Put In Her Mouth: Crack Or Canned Cheese?
Fishsticks Paltrow tells Johnathon Ross (via The Mirror) that if you put a can of Easy Cheese (or Slut Cheese as I call it) and a crack pipe in front of her and asked her to choose one, she'd make like Whitney Houston and let the white ghost in.
"I'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can."
If Fishy's trying to get every crack dealer to change their occupation to spray cheese dealer, it's working. Of course, Fishy's crack comes from her private crackmonger Lionel who makes it with organic coca leaves from a small South American tribe you've never heard of and cooks it in a wood burning crack oven in his backyard. And when Fishy's not smoking crack out of a hand blown pipe from Portugal, she's boozing it up!
“I drink constantly while I’m cooking. Wine, either color."
While cooking up crack, I'm sure.
And now to stop my eyes from rolling (Yes, I can roll my eyes and type at the same time. It's my only skill.) after reading this insufferable bitch's words of pretension, I'm going to need to smoke dried squirt cheese out of a crack.
(Thanks Allen)
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It seems like I am constantly being encouraged to hate her, but I don't. And in this case, I agree with her.
Wander Further - Drop by and see me!
hahahhahahaaaa @ Albatross. *snicker*
Imma find this bitch and be her pusher. I'll be rich just need to bring the cheese for insurance.
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PLEASE stop talking. Please?
Bless, I love her sooooo much! I fucking hate celebrities that pretend to be "just like us" that's bullshit. At least she is honest about it.
I did masturbate with cheeze wiz once. It was the result of truth or dare at a sleepover with 3 of us future gays.
I'd love to throw a couple of cans of cheese at her head. Pretentious bitch.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_u7VGiMO0U
Wait till Kraft Easy Krack™ comes out..
Am I the only one who just loves the image of having that cheese in a can shoved up her smug ass? God I cannot stand this DC.
"even half a bottle of wine has more calories than directly spraying the cheese whiz into your mouth for 10 seconds, so unless she pukes the wine up immediately (even if she puked from being drunk, that implies that she digested some which means *YIKES* she absorbed calories)"
I suspect girlfriend is bulimic and probably has been since she was a teenager.
Do English people find her as insufferable as we in the United States do? Their bullshit detectors are typically pretty fine-tuned.
Sarah Smile
ubmitted by guest on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 6:53am.
But what about Velvetta? It's cheese in a box. And I loved Cheez Whiz when I was in hs. Wonder if they still make that. #offended (but lmao @ this pretentious beyotch)
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yeah, and what about that laughing cow cheese that's always in the fruit section at the grocery store? that's cheese in a box too. in france, they serve that shit EVERYWHERE
I don't believe I've ever seen Cheese in a can in a Canadian store
...that would be Aisle 6, between the Canned Moose and the Improvised Explosive Devices.
"I'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can."
I'd smoke her crack and eat cheese from her can.
There. I said it.
Aaaand Cheez-Whiz everywhere breathes a sigh of relief while crack rocks break into tears wondering what they've done to deserve this...
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It's all fun and games until Kimberly Stewart gets knocked up with Benicio Del Toro's baby.
MK 4/11/11
Submitted by snowpiece on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 9:15am.
ha ha quote from my sis when we were having a party: "No, we don't have any Easy Cheese, but I have an Easy Sister!"
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Why read Dlisted, knowing I am in the company of others with sisters like this.
"OH YOU FANCY HUH" - KA
ha ha quote from my sis when we were having a party: "No, we don't have any Easy Cheese, but I have an Easy Sister!"
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Submitted by I heart Natalie on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 9:05am.
Please answer this if you know the answer (thanks in advance). Is Cheese Wiz just Cheese In A Can that has been put in a jar? I don't believe I've ever seen Cheese in a can in a Canadian store
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I'm Canadian and we always had Cheez Whiz in our house when I was growing up. And lots of other nasty shit too.
My bad - that din't answer your question at all. I have no idea what that shit is but I'm pretty sure there's very little cheese in there;p
♥ Threadkilla!
Girls watch porn too!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6478389/girls-watch-porn-too
Please answer this if you know the answer (thanks in advance). Is Cheese Wiz just Cheese In A Can that has been put in a jar? I don't believe I've ever seen Cheese in a can in a Canadian store, as per Whamo's post (but, believe me, I've looked for it). Freaky, imho. They use to sell cheese in a tube (like they used to sell liverwurst in {I wonder what Fishy would think of liverwurst in a tube}), but I believe they've stopped (cheese in a tube was awesome, btw... it had the coolest little squiggly dispersion thingy, right in the middle of the tube... I was fascinated by it, but never tried the liverwurst, even though it came the same packaging). My apologies to anyone that read this post... I thought it was going somewhere. :(
@Whamo...*googles gaffer* LOL.
I'll call that looking down nose whilst typing holding wine glass with a stem & raise u with *glasses on the tip of mah nose drinking mcdeez cawfee with mah pinky out* pfft. :D
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
The excitable gheys who go around glitter bombing politicians need to Silly String GOOP's ass with Cheez Whiz.
Submitted by guest on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 8:44am.
Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 7:13am.
Submitted by guest on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 6:53am.
Edit: VelvEEta...spelling derp.
Anyhoo Whamo...don't be a such a cheese snob!!!! Teehee. Have u ever had it mixed with Rotel Tomatoes ( they're canned)? Probably not , but it's a yummy dip.
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I've not eaten the stuff since I was a little gaffer. LOL
*looks down nose whilst typing and holding a glass on wine by it's stem*
I didn't even know that cheese in a can existed.
This bitch! She honestly thinks people give a flying fig what she thinks,says or does! FYI Paltrow you barely register on the radar anymore!
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Submitted by Lurker on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 7:03pm.
Submitted by Pamela on Sun, 06/27/2010 - 6:51pm
damn girl, you tell it like it is!!!
Her voice is terrible and her head is way too small.
I love Easy Cheese! I'm going to buy a can in her honor today.
She is so PAINFULLY boring. So is her whiny husband.
I just don't understand how the awesomeness that is Blythe Danner birthed out such a pretentious twat as Fishy.
So many things to hate about her: her voice, her assumption that everyone is waiting to hear her next words, the fact that a truly fine-ass piece like Chris Martin is wasted on her cobweb filled vag. So much WRONG.
I like Easy Cheese on my hot dog, along with a soft white bun and some French's yellow mustard. Yum.
Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 7:13am.
Submitted by guest on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 6:53am.
Edit: VelvEEta...spelling derp.
Anyhoo Whamo...don't be a such a cheese snob!!!! Teehee. Have u ever had it mixed with Rotel Tomatoes ( they're canned)? Probably not , but it's a yummy dip.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Oh, but I'm sure that Fishsticks has swallowed some heaping ass portions of Batali's hot Cheez Whiz fresh out of his ginger carrot on several occasions! Funny, since she HATES fatties!
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All my slutty pics...you know you want to!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/64946791@N02/
Submitted by Honeybadger on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 8:22am.
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 7:34am.
I have nothing against small breastesses, but showing an expanse of bony chest is not sexy. It's NOT CLEAVAGE. Cleavage is the enticing, mysterious crevice between two breasts which are so ample they must be pressed together inside the garment.
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YEAH !! how are you supposed to motorboat a bony rib cage ?
Submitted by Nl gal on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 7:39am.
YEAH...I'm finally a member of the D-Listed family (hugs to all) lol....anyway,I loathe her even more after that statement.
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Welcom to the darkside..Now you just have to carve 666 into your arm and repeat after me.
I'm am a cunt
I revel in my cuntiness
I promise to be as cunty as I can to all celebs.
I am the most beautiful person in the world, Fuck everyone else.
Say that three times while standing on one leg with one eye closed and you're good!
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 7:34am.
I have nothing against small breastesses, but showing an expanse of bony chest is not sexy. It's NOT CLEAVAGE. Cleavage is the enticing, mysterious crevice between two breasts which are so ample they must be pressed together inside the garment.
ITA. Mmmmmm cleavage...............
"I quit this pretentious bitch" - Fishsticks' fun bags
Educate yourself on the badass, not-fuck-giving honeybadger, Olivia! ~MK
*guns a can of can cheese at her hair and hopes to fucking god some of the cheese sprays her roots so that SHE CAN GET SOME LIFE AND BODY UP IN THAT FLAT ASS MOP*
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"...How I feel?...Your heart rate is jacked; your hand, steady...I haven't slept for fucking weeks...and you're going to, what, you're going to close my file?!...You're fucking ridiculous." -Billy Costigan, The Departed
I would rather smoke cheese and eat crack from a can rather than listen to anything this bony pretentious cunt has to say.
*sprays Cheez Whiz in ears*
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
I never should have switched from Scotch to Martinis. - Bogart
@Mabel - right on. I want to see FOOD on my food magazines, not some chef (even the greats like Thomas Keller and Eric Ripert), and ESPECIALLY not an airhead celebrity like Gwyneth, who's revamped her image as a "food expert." If I wanted that, I'd watch the Food Network.
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
MOUTH!
LOL!!
So now I'm off to ready myself for my volunteer gig at the hospice home. And the verdict is IN....102-year-old WOMAN with limited dexterity *wipes her own ass*, but the 86-year-old MAN with *total* dexterity...makes US do it. I beg you to tell me who is the better sex.
Dear Gweneth you uptight anal retentive twat,
Please cover up your nasty ass boney chest plate. No one wants to see that barren land that should have a some plump meat there.
Thank you.
sorry...woops! didn't mean to spam...
MOUTH!
LOL!!
So now I'm off to ready myself for my volunteer gig at the hospice home. And the verdict is IN....102-year-old WOMAN with limited dexterity *wipes her own ass*, but the 86-year-old with *total* dexterity...makes US do it. I beg you to tell me who is the better sex.
Submitted by WhiskeyTango on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 7:38am.
and also, exactly how much does this dumb cow drink while cooking? Are we talking a glass or two, or an entire bottle? "drinking constantly" leads me to believe it's the latter. Well newsflash, idiot, that shit's dangerous...hopefully your drunk ass won't set your marble eco-friendly kitchen on fire when you blow out your Viking restaurant burners trying to flambe your coq au vin.
she's lying...even half a bottle of wine has more calories than directly spraying the cheese whiz into your mouth for 10 seconds, so unless she pukes the wine up immediately (even if she puked from being drunk, that implies that she digested some which means *YIKES* she absorbed calories), all that drinking would make her gain weight. if it were true, at the very least, she'd have a convex chest.
"“I drink constantly while I’m cooking. Wine, either color."
I think she means she sits and watches her personal chef cook whilst downing bottles of wine because her husband is off fucking somebody else.
This should have read:
Which Would GOOP Rather Put In Her Crack: Mouth Or Canned Cheese?
I vote for Mouth.
And now I guess she's a straight up LIAR.
Breaking News:
"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkJDHK-W6Jg"
PLEEEAAAAAAASE, will someone make a clip from the last 2 seconds of this and put it on a continuous loop?? I'm not techie enough.
I guess hometrick has never been to a fair or a carnival or Six Flags...if she thinks spray cheese is bad, try corn dogs or fried dough on a stick.
that's kind of sad though! every kid needs a trip to Six Flags. :(
Whiskey Tango...YES! Finally, I don't feel all alone in my newfound loathing of BA. Even the back page is fucked up...stupid and just more pretentious. And they even got rid of Andrew Knowlton's adorable thumbnail pic. AND I miss Molly's articles, but she's probably way too busy with the restaurant right now. Adam R practically stalked Fishy, he was probably touching himself whenever he ran into her. What an IDIOT.
Oh, and Funfilled, that was mario that she told about the cheese having "pus and junk" in it!! They were in a grotto and he had all these fabulous cheeses laid out for her. She drank the alcohol, but dissed the cheese.
I serve Sociables and Easy Cheese at all my social gatherings. They go well with the wine coolers and pork rinds.
Welcome NI gal.
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Anyone can get screwed, its not rocket science.
Submitted by kate773 on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 11:06am.
You know, I am starting to find her pretentiousness a little endearing. I mean, she clearly doesn't give a fuck what people think or else she'd know to stop saying shit like this... Right?
...Right?
Or else she's *SO* pretentious & out of touch that she truly doesn't understand how she comes across to people.
Yeah, probably that one.
Submitted by Mabel Hodges on Fri, 07/08/2011 - 7:41am.
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ITA with everything you said...I'm not a fan of the new layout either. The Paltrow article was insufferably stupid. I used to like Bon Appetit because it was a little less highbrow than Gourmet (which I used to read for the travel porn lol) but I don't think I'll renew my subscription. You can get all those recipes on Epicurious, anyway.
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
This statement shows how narrow-minded she is.
Yeah, Cheez Whiz is gross, but what about if you're really drunk (that never happens to you, right, Gwyneth?) or stoned and it's right there on someone's coffee table with some Ritz crackers? You wouldn't eat it? Really?
I WOULD.
*Hands a "STFU" card to Fishy*
Okay, so now I have a platform to complain about this pretentious famewhore. That stupid new editor of Bon Apetit has pretty much changed the magazine from, well...."Bon Apetit" (which was just fine before thankyouverymuch).....to "Pretentious New York Jews Cooking Magazine".....
anywho....so last month he sticks FISHY on the cover and boy was I ready to cancel my subscription!! (Okay, my grandmother pays for my subscription and has it sent to me, despite me not ever asking for it, but it sure makes for great reading in the bathroom, but I digress.)
So last month this biotch is on the cover and I'm like, "Whoa!! NO ONE should be on the cover except for some delicious chicken cutlets, or a 15,000 calorie cake!!"
and that stupid, pretentious, star-fucker, Adam Rappaport put her on the cover to re-make the magazine (note: it didn't need a re-make) despite the fact that Fishy is ON RECORD saying that cheese "has pus in it".
Cheese has pus in it.
Yes.
May I hear the collective cringe from the foodie world right about now???
So I say the FISHY "has some serious pus" in HER!!!
Fuck-DUH!!!
Pip, cheerio, carry on....