Why So Subdued, Nancy?

July 5, 2011 / Posted by:

When Casey Anthony was given the go ahead by the jury to make up for 3 years of hard partying, my first reaction was to cover my ears and take cover under a table, because I just knew pieces of Nancy Grace would come flying through my window at any second. Because if anybody was going to gnaw their fingers off and then spit the bits in the face of the jury out of disgust, it was going to be Nancy Grace. Because whatever is left of Nancy’s sanity has been a speeding White Bronco throughout this entire trial.

So I was a little surprised, disappointed and looking for a refund when I watched Nancy’s reaction to the verdict. Why didn’t Nancy sprawl her legs out on the desk, give birth to a Lady Justice replica made of her internal organs and then repeatedly punch it in the face? Why didn’t Nancy do this?! My only explanation is that Nancy was exhausted, because her head popped off her body, flew all the way to The Soup studios in L.A. and landed on Joel McHale’s lap.

Oh, fucking well. We’ll be able to witness a real Nancy Grace meltdown when Casey inevitably joins the cast of Dancing with the Stars, and when she gets paid six figures for a spread in Hustler Magazine, and when she releases a tell-all/cocktail recipe book, and when she becomes one of Charlie Sheen’s goddesses, and when she shoots a Skinemax movie with Lindsay Lohan…

via Mediate

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