The number “69” and the words “hot dog gobbling” are usually used together to describe a typical afternoon for John Travolta, but not this time.
Professional food binge-er Takeru Kobayashi wasn’t allowed to swallow cold hot dogs and soggy buns (the story of Hugh Hefner’s girlfriend’s life) at Nathan’s Annual Hot Dog Eating contest in Coney Island today, because he refused to sign an exclusive contract with Major League Eating. So Kobayashi went renegade and held his own contest at the same time as Nathan’s on a roof top in Manhattan.
Kobayashi’s arch rival Joey Chestnut won Nathan’s contest for the 5th year in a row by deep throating 62 hot dogs in 10-minutes. But technically Kobayashi was the world champion hot dog gobbler of the day, because at his event, he made his stomach cry tears of processed meat by filling it with 69 hot dogs, beating Joey’s old record of 68. Before pushing out his bloated muscled six-pack, the major league eating equivalent of pounding his chest, Kobayashi said this to the NYDN: “I think I showed them. I’m very happy about my win today but I feel like I’m not at my peak. I think I could go up to 90 or 85.”
To which his bowels, b-hole, stomach and the starving children of Ethiopia simultaneously replied with, “Please fucking don’t.”
Below is the clip of Joey Chestnut and my favorite food eater Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas making delicious hot dogs look not-so-delicious. If you play this backwards in slow motion, that’s exactly what their anuses looked like while purging out the digested hot dogs a few hours later. Pained expression and all.
And thank you to Kobayashi for showing us what Jillian Michaels’ body would look like if she got knocked up (see picture above).