Jeremy Jackson Thinks Drinking Bottled Water Makes You Bisexual
During the season premiere of Celebrity Rehab, Jeremy Jackson, Hobie from Baywatch turned meth head turned steroid needle fucker, had an insane conversation with resident technician Shelly that went like this:
Shelly: What about bottled water? Are you okay with bottled water?
Jeremy: I...um... You know, in a pinch.
Shelly: In a pinch? What do you mean? What's wrong with bottled water?
Jeremy: That plastic bleaches and causes cancer. And, uh, bisexuality it's been linked to directly
Shelly: Minerals in water....
Shelly: Causes bisexuality?
Jeremy: Yeah, it's been linked anyway.
Oh, Hobie, just because you did ass sex with a bottle of Poland Spring when you were high on meth that one time and it gave your peen the good leaks, doesn't mean you're half-gay. I SWEAR. This isn't a warning that guzzling bottled water will give you a hankering for peen and poon, but it is a warning that mixing meth with roids will feed the part of your brain that operates paranoia and dumbness. Hobie should also know that scientists have reason to believe that his third degree meth face causes asexuality. It's been linked anyway.
But just to be on the safe side, I'm going to send a case of bottled water to Prince Hot Ginge....