Happy Belated 25th Birthday, Blohan!

July 3, 2011 / Posted by:

25 years ago yesterday, White Oprah was sprawled out in the passenger seat of a Chrysler Laser, parked in the alley way of a Long Island bar, with a pink frosted lipstick-stained Belair cigarette hanging out of the side of her mouth when she pushed out the precious child that she’d later pimp out so she’d never have to get a damn job. As White Oprah held her future ATM machine in her arms, the alley cats howled in heat and three neighborhood drunks brought her a half pack of Camel Lights, a wine cooler and pacifier found in a dumpster as gifts. “This is just like the birth of Jesus,” said White Oprah as she did a line of crushed Opiates off her newborn daughter’s leg. Well, Lindsay Lohan celebrated that beloved event last night by having dinner with friends at Geoffrey’s restaurant in Malibu and it looks like she didn’t completely drink her face off! It’s a July 2nd miracle all over again.

Here’s more of Blohan looking like a middle-aged Daytona Beach stripper on the wrong kind of homemade meth celebrating her 25 years on the pole!

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