Maria Files For The Big D, Is Not The Only One Bitch-Boom-Bye'd
SO. Even Miss Cleo saw this coming. TMZ reports that Maria Shriver has officially filed for divorce papers against AHNOLT. Details are that Maria is citing irreconcilable differences (pretty nice of her, I think), there is no pre-nup, and she wants custody of the two minor children they have together, 17 year old Patrick Arnold Shriver Shwarzenneger and 13 year old Christopher Sargent Shriver Shwarzenneger. No word yet on who gets custody of Arnold Shwarzenneger's leventy-billion other children.
Ahnolt will not be back this time. You go Maria, get that 50 percent from that last 13 years. I hope the state of California paid Arnold first with their broke ass.
In totally unrelated yet so related quit-this-bitch news, it's been quite a ride. I wanna say how grateful I am that so many of you piled into my 1995 Ford Escort while Michael K's Bentley was parked at Times Square (okay they totally took the subway but work with me people). Whether my posts made you giggle or groan longingly for MK, I'm proud to have been given this opportunity to help out the hardest working ho on the blog stroll in his hour of need. Michael, it was such an honor to walk a mile in your stilettos and be the tofurkey to your delicious surf and turf, you brilliant slut. *bows deeply*
That being said, THANK GOD MK IS BACK and I can go back to busting celeb balls (without a condom, as is the custom in HoWood) in the relative anonymity of the threads!!! Watch for my upcoming book "In Love With A Gay Man: The Life And Times Of Sweetas". Till then, I'll see you all in the comments section.
Much love (you know where), Sweetas
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Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 9:19pm.
I was going to say thank you for helping out MK last week, but since you're otherwise engaged...
♥♥<- one each for you and Sweetas
WOW! Thank you so much for all the kind words. You have no idea how worried we were to face you all!! We knew we could not compare to the Grand Master MK so we decided to just write as if we were posting a long ass comment...
And thank you, Mr. Michael K (he makes me call him SIR now... bitch!) for the opportunity you've given us, we (I'm sure I can speak for Sweetas)are forever grateful. It was an honor.... luvs you (NOT IN THAT WAY! ok maybe)
Thanks again, everyone, for all the love and support... and to all the lurkers out there that posted for the first time to give us kudos... thanks for coming out and showing your support, it really meant a lot.
Much Love,
Jack
*goes back to watching porn, eating cheetos and trying to figure out why my dick is orange*
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Anyone can get screwed, its not rocket science.
Submitted by kate773 on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 11:06am.
Submitted by becky n sydney on Sat, 07/02/2011 - 6:41pm.
@ Karen Flatts
Hey Karen!
Off topic - I've been meaning to ask you about your user name. I always figured the 'Karen' part was real (I know you recently mentioned this to be the case), is 'Flatts' there because you are a fan of Rascal Flatts? :)
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Yup and yup. Been a fan of both for years.
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 07/08/2009 - 5:00pm.
Karen Flatts is always a cunt
@ Karen Flatts
Hey Karen!
Off topic - I've been meaning to ask you about your user name. I always figured the 'Karen' part was real (I know you recently mentioned this to be the case), is 'Flatts' there because you are a fan of Rascal Flatts? :)
BT Fuckingpuke-- AHnolt has NEVER been a REPUBLICAN. He hs always been a useful piece, until now....Hi Weiner!!!
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 07/08/2009 - 5:00pm.
Karen Flatts is always a cunt
Shitstains almighty! Miss Maria decided her "name" (hackfuckingpuke) was more important than the man she has been in "love" with for thirty years. Typical KENNEDY.
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 07/08/2009 - 5:00pm.
Karen Flatts is always a cunt
Maria heard the rumors, just like the other Kennedy women, but maybe just thought Arnold looked okay standing on his wallet ? Mega millions loomed in her eyes. It was rude of that skank housekeeper to get knocked up while cleaning toliets for Maria, but there is no accounting for manners in extramarital affairs. We all pay a price for humiliation and doing what we don't want to do for money; she just gets a much bigger chunk of cash.
Go Maria! I may not like you but nobody deserves to be married to the Sperminator.
Also, that pic is the image of marital misery. DIVORCE ALREADY
Thanks for the memories, Sweetas and Jack. Your job wasn't easy but you did it brilliantly.
Thanks for being my methadone. You and Jack did a great job of getting me and everyone else through MK's 'mother's visit' (I really think he's stalking ACoop and forcing his hand in marriage now that it's legal).
You rocked it!
-terri
My vote for the next round of guest bloggers are TigerLily & Team Valtrex. God, could you imagine the hilarity?
ETA: Not that I didn't enjoy Sweetas & Jack. :)
Great job Sweetas and Jack. You made me proud to be a dirty, foul-mouthed slut.
I rarely post comments here but have to say that Sweetas and Jack in the Hat did an outstanding job taking over for MK this past week!
As for Maria and Arnold, both are hard looking bitches.
Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Sat, 07/02/2011 - 6:24am.
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Well that makes as much sense as anything else, because rumour is Maria knew about the other women and Teddy knew about the other women. The whole thing was kept hush hush til now so who knows why Maria only now decided to do something about it.
You did a bang up job, Sweetas and Jack! As for the Maria and Ahnolt divorce, there are two reasons for divorce in California: irreconcilable differences and incurable insanity. Take your pick!
This woman has had everything handed to her on a silver platter her entire life. Welcome to the real world Maria. The rest of us have to work hard and fight for every scrap we get.
Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Sat, 07/02/2011 - 6:24am.
Maria has always struck as as being of the Lesbyteria persuasia, DieselTruck division.
Is this a 'bearding' arrangement gone wrong?
Discuss!
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Fucking hilarious!
Sweetas,
I been reading this blog every day since probably 2006, and I always remember reading your comments and laughing damn hard. I even remember changing my Avie to the one you have and someone called me out that you had it! I was like damn, I like Charlize, too! Anyways, you killed it, girl! I can't wait for you to take over again.
great job, sweetas & jack! kept me giggling all week.
I've been a dlisted reader for eleventy billion years, but only recently started reading/posting on the threads. silly me, not reading the comments! its like phoebe price without a glamorous gas station photo shoot!
Good job Sweetas. Enjoyed your posts.
I don't come into the comments section much anymore; the drama is ridiculous. That said I made the effort here just to tell you Sweetas (and Jack), you guys did a bang up job this week! Thanks for filling my mornings with a daily dose of snark in MK's absence :D
Sweetas, you did splendidly! Really enjoyed your posts!
Maria has always struck as as being of the Lesbyteria persuasia, DieselTruck division.
Is this a 'bearding' arrangement gone wrong?
Discuss!
Sweetas, you killed it this week babe,awesome job!
Much love right back at ya! Raul
Submitted by Meatblocks on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 12:16pm.
suckandfuck and raul are like the goofus and gallant of sick humor.
the best.
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I'm not a living legend. I'm just a myth.
Well done Sweetas. You rocked the casbah.
Submitted by boston61 on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 8:35pm.
Life is not black and white. I think Arnold loves Maria. I think she is embarrassed. I don't think she should just throw their wholes lives away. Mistake.
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Who cares if he loves her if that's how he treats her? People like you make me laugh. Maria is 55, has 4 children, plenty of money, a high-profile journalism career she can go back to, not sure if she's involved in her parents' programs (Special Olympics, etc) but she can always get involved in that. But in your eyes, she has to have a man to be complete. Too bad the thing she's married to isn't a man, but a mentally stunted little boy.
Arnold threw their whole lives away when he screwed that ugly pig in their home. So lay the blame where it belongs.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Sat, 07/02/2011 - 2:25am.
Arnold - who is a well known Hollywod and MuscleBeach homoexual - will lose zillions to this nasty greedy icky oldhag fish.
Well, it will teach Miss Arnold not to try to impersonate a man just to get a 'career' in politics!
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damn STRAIGHT MRS.PC!!!
Arnold - who is a well known Hollywod and MuscleBeach homoexual - will lose zillions to this nasty greedy icky oldhag fish.
Well, it will teach Miss Arnold not to try to impersonate a man just to get a 'career' in politics!
Thank you Sweetas -- I think you did a great job and if MK ever needs a break again I hope will fill in for him again.
I wish you much luck in your future endeavors. :-)
Yay to Sweetas and Jack!
Some people had their shanks out earlier in the week. Peeps were pulling out switchblades, brass knuckles, threatening to cut a bitch if MK didn't post something THIS VERY MINUTE.
To me, it was a hilarious week. Loved the drama in the threads.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Sat, 07/02/2011 - 12:20am.
@ESE
Dlisted qualifies as 'heavy machinery' to me, because let's face it, this is tough crowd to please.
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testify!!... i know!.. scroll down a bit, and you can see that some dingle berry was all up to pick a punching match with me just for asking a question!!
on the other note... Dutch is gonna have to take a back seat to my studies of Swedish... my mommy is hell bent on teaching some of it to me, and who am i to argue?... it's gonna be be a llooonngg road ahead of her, i tell ya!LOL!
OT: hhmmmm... uummm... yeah... i think they should battle it out in a Chuck E Cheese ball pit.
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
@ESE
Dlisted qualifies as 'heavy machinery' to me, because let's face it, this is tough crowd to please.
As for your Dutch, we didn't even get to the consonant part. Even the Germans have a hard time with this. During WWII the test for filtering out spies was to have them pronounce "Scheveningen". It works every time. The funny thing is, that I get a sore throat myself whenever I have to do a lot of talking. My vocal cords were made for speaking French.
(Sorry, getting back on topic in 1,2,3 ...)
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Who are you calling silly cow?
(Just remember, Cow Appreciation Day is July 8th, with thanks to Becky)
Submitted by DLucyAnn on Sat, 07/02/2011 - 12:13am.
OT: these two look like death warmed over.
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"warmed over" wouldn't be the first thing that came to mind when i look at these two frigid, ice cold, calculating politicians, but... yeah... they both look like they've been on the bad end of a marathon run...
look ma, i'm on-topic!!... woo-hoo!!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
werq. it. bitch. sweetas. you done good, gurrrrrrrrrl.
OT: these two look like death warmed over. Sorry if somebody said that already
♥~~~♥~~~♥~~~♥~~~♥~~~♥~~~♥
elen sila lumen omentilmo-LOTR
Hats off to yer, Sweetas and Jack! You guys did marvelously. Thanks!!
And you go, Maria. Jeebus, why do men have to be such assholes and idiots when they've got things good.
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl
I would value what dlisted parents have to say. Where do you weigh in on this issue?
_ _ _ _
Oldest of four raised by single Mom who beat us constantly and never, ever, showed us any love or affection. If we kids wanted to kiss her, she would give us one of her knuckles to kiss. Yes. To this day only two of us speak to her. When I got old enough to understand I swore I would never be like her, and ended up going completely in the other direction. Probably not good either, but hard for me to strike that middle ground.
(((((hugs)))) to all you Dlisters that need, want one.
Sweetas, you rocked and rolled. Jack, you rocked.
♥~~~♥~~~♥~~~♥~~~♥~~~♥~~~♥
elen sila lumen omentilmo-LOTR
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 11:54pm.
heeheehee!... "up", yes... "sober"... well, that's debatable, but it's not like i'm operating heavy machinery at this point, so i'm in the clear!
RE translation: holy shnikies!!... i'm gonna fail my test on this one!... i can't even pronounce it correctly as i read it in my head!!LOL!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Hya ESE! Still up and sober?
The propor Dutch translation would be: "Twee keer loeien voor Sweetas en Jack". Next time you're in Gouda, I'm gonna test your progress.
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(Just remember, Cow Appreciation Day is July 8th, with thanks to Becky)
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 11:37pm.
sooo... how does one say: "two moos up for Sweetas, and jack" in Dutch talk?
OT: yeah, that's not gonna happen at this point.
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
I dunno, man. Maria looks like a discarded mall doll from a display window who had one too many drinks and sleeping pills.
Ahnolt... you should get your wee wee bitten by her rabid doppelganger. Or maybe Hannibal Lector. With white rice and an expensive pea soup.
Or drink some special brew guarateed to turn you into a mouse... like in The Witches.
Sweetas, I, for one, enjoyed your posts very much. Never mind the occasional hater, because those are bound to be the ones that felt left at the nerd table. Either that, or they are clueless as to what it takes to deliver creative writing like yours under time pressure. I'm pretty quick on my feet in Dutch, but I couldn't do this.
OT: I truly feel for Maria. When something like this happens when you're in your 30's it's relatively easy to start anew. Looking at my single male friends, there is not a big market out there for women in their mid 50's. Because even though these guys are far from being gods themselves, most of them feel like they are entitled to dating Miss Universe. Blame it on a mix between male chauvinism and a Peter Pan Complex.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
(Just remember, Cow Appreciation Day is July 8th, with thanks to Becky)
Submitted by PhlegmWad on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 10:01pm.
Arnoldo Swartzenfucker is starting to resemble the skeletal Terminator cyborg model with his flesh melting off of it and Maria... How do you solve a problem like Maria?
*snort*
Sweetas, you are the Hot Slut of our dirty sheets for all eternity!
I am sure I smell a group hug coming on.
No? Oh well.
Sweetas and Jack, you did great this week. Thank you for the many laughs and great posts!
And Jack- you made our wonderful ass-backwards state of Ar-kan-sas proud. I hope you're staying cool where you are. Little Rock has been hotter than hell.
OFF TOPIC - sweetas, why not get a cherry-red colored sweet-assed tattooed lip on your butt-cheek? I got me one. ;)
but then again, you seem too sweet. I was on your earlier blogs before again tugging and wrestling.
edited.
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www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters
To Sweetas and Jack...whether your posts were a success or not that isn't whai really matters to me.
It seems that you care greatly for the success of this site and it appeared to me that both of you put your heart and soul into it. Great job!
wanted to come out of lurkville to give Sweetas and Jack two well earned pats on the ass. You both were fabulous :)
as for maria and arnie i just have to smh and say what the fuuuu was he thinking? i just don't understand people who cheat. if you want to sleep around (doesn't everyone?) that's one thing; but, why get married when you know you just a nasty ho to the core and can never commit fully to one pussy/dick. where is the honor these days!
Thanks Sweetas and Jack! You helped out MK and kept us all entertained!
It's all fun and games until Wino gets to the gates of purgatory and slurs out, "HELLO, ATHENS!" ----MK
Swwetas...ahhh! Thank you love. And yes! I have kids (but settled down after errrrbody else I knew so not my "plan")and soo do not sell the "oh it'll be ok. Pop a kid and have a cookie"ha. Most of my best friends don't have kids by choice. They bhave fur babies. And they have the best advice for everything including kid stuff. Go figure:) I still tell my cat and dog they are my first born haha.
Csg...smmoooch!
@ grandma wrinkles.. I am glad you joined you are a good soul. Truly.
I agree I think comments on here help so much for a lot of us. I still think if we all chipped in 5 clams even to mk as a one off thanks" thing it would be cool and he could get something for all the shit he's done for making a non saccharine forum for us to vent without fearing banishment for an off day like some places haha
Who were the impressionable idiots who voted this guy in in the first place. "Ewwww, the terminator for Govner, Wooohoo! High five dude!" People get what they deserve. Thankfully, they smartened up and replaced this fraud with Jerry Brown.