Kennifer Kove Kardashian

July 1, 2011 / Posted by:

Before stomping on the red carpet at last night’s Horrible Bosses premiere in L.A., Jennifer Love Hewitt evoked the voodoo spirit of the Kardashians when she took a deep breath and stuffed herself into a Herve Leger straitjacket dress with the help of a Spanx cocoon, a tablespoon of the lubricating drool Khloe Kardashian secretes when she tries to digest a warthog whole, a fleet of Dutch barges, 2011’s sausage maker of the year and who ever yanks John Travolta’s butt plug out when he clenches too hard. JLove’s shit is so tight that I can practically see the print of her Vajazzle stones.

JLove shares my motto that if your ribs aren’t screaming for mercy, your head isn’t dizzy from suffocation and your legs look like they aren’t exhaling giant hot brefs of relief from not being mummified, then the dress is not tight enough!

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