David Duchovny And Tea Leoni Are Off Again

June 29, 2011 / Posted by:

Remember back in 2008 when David Duchovny and Tea Leoni put their marriage on pause, because he had to check into rehab for sex and porn addiction? Remember when he got out of rehab you spent most of your days trolling fuck cam rooms and posting Craigslist “casual encounters” ads with a picture of you holding a “The Truth is Right Here, Mulder” sign over your punane? And then remember when David and Tea got back together a few months later, you had to retire both that sign and the dream of being David Duchovny’s mug?

Well, break out the sign and do the “I’m a little Mulder mug” dance, because David Duchovny’s vagina-addicted dick (Do we call it a coochhead?) is back on the prowl! David and Tea’s rep announced last night to UsWeekly that after 14 years of marriage, the parents of two are going their separate ways for the second time.

David and Tea didn’t use the “divorce” word and they also didn’t say if his peen’s addiction to random chochas or the fact that she was tired of catching him jacking it to Excel spreadsheets (the click and hide trick doesn’t fool anybody) had anything to do with their split.

Sadly, this shit was bound to happen. I don’t know anybody who could ever get used to their husband always reeking of burnt foreskin, shaft scabs and bloody penis tears. Oh, Mulder, why couldn’t you keep it in your pants! Or at least put your pants over my head and kept it in there. That doesn’t count as cheating. I looked it up.

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