Here Comes The Bride's Ass
As you may have heard, and probably didn't give a shit about, the attention whoring human publicity stunt that is Kim Kardashian is planning on jumping the broom with her bassehball jones man Kris Humphries. Well I hope you're sitting down (yes, asleep counts) because according to Pop Eater, they have set the date for their big fat ass Armenian wedding!!!1one!
Apparently they're going to have like a two hour special on E! for all of you who just can't get enough of Kris's speshul face or Kim's primadonna preening and want to see her as full blown bridezilla. And mama Kris will be there to fawn all over her cash cow. Of course! what is the point of having an intimate and sacred moment if you can't whore it out?
They won't let anyone tell the date or the location, so there are no details, so that makes this no-news even no-newsier. You're welcome and no, you can't have your 30 seconds back. ALL SALES ARE FINAL.
Pop Eater
Dude is YOU-GEE-EL-WHY, but he totally has "big dick face."
I am...doll parts...bad skin...doll heart.
I'm pretty sure it'll be at Joe "I'm an asshole" Girls Gone Wild's estate.
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Lardassian Kartrashian is on the loose! Hide you botox! Hide yo fillers!
kimora lee simmons, is that you?
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"I'm gonna end up back in the gutter, sucking meth for cock." - drunk Naomi in Still Waiting...
"Wrist full of colorful rubberbands!" - album reviewer extraordinaire Khia
quite fittingly...
http://j.mp/f89sny
I ought to punch the person who greenlit "Keeping Up With the Kardashians." These people make me sick with their whorish ways.
Kim Kardashian can run into a spear for all I
care.
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You can thank Ryan Seacrest who produces all the Lardashian shows.
You know she's been married before - why the big wedding - oh yeah - money.
Why not donate the cost to a deserving charity and go get married on a beach somewhere.
I saw that magazine cover! She looks like a freak in that picture!
This dumbass guy will eventually be humiliated- if marrying into this family is not already considered humiliating.
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Want to thank you for the joy you've brought me
Thank you for the things you taught me
Thank you for holding me close
When I needed you the most
geico caveman doesn't even know what hit him. the Kartrashian hookers will just lead him around, dress him, prop him up at the alter then cue grunt: duh... i do ???
you poor poor sap.
Submitted by Echo27 on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 10:38pm.
Is it me or does her fiance look like an even uglier version of Taylor Lautner?
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I'll second that.
Btw, Sweetas and Jack, job well done holding the fort. Stay cool.
Followed by a 1 hour pay-per-view special, "The Wedding Night". Watch Kim pretend to be a virgin on a hidden camera, while her family watches and comments. Hilarity ensues. (Rated R for rancid)
I saw a magazine cover of her and her sisters that says "Kardashians ripped apart!" or something and the other two were scowling. Kim was huge and in the middle and making a fish face like this ^o^ with overly frosty makeup. Ugly tramp.
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If you wanna be in black and white, black and white's gotta be IN YOU!
I wonder if Derpy even knows he's getting married?
Free All Right Now
Kim's gonna have a golden shower instead of a confetti shower! BTW, congrats Jack and Sweetas on being the guest writers!
I think he's fucking hot!!
I can't stand her, how can someone so damn boring and with absolutely no personality ( or brains or talent) be so damn famous?
Submitted by Echo27 on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 10:38pm.
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He looks like a lab experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong.
lmao at the last 2 comments!
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Want to thank you for the joy you've brought me
Thank you for the things you taught me
Thank you for holding me close
When I needed you the most
I Love their wedding song,"Urine a NY State of Mind".
"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may piss (on) the bride."
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
She seriously looks like she was carved out of plastic in that picture.
HOW can she lie about her surgeries, when it is SO OBVIOUS???!!!
I fucking hate this lying piece of shit.
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Want to thank you for the joy you've brought me
Thank you for the things you taught me
Thank you for holding me close
When I needed you the most
Submitted by Ding_Dong on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 5:29pm.
Listen here, yes MK is gone but you know EVERYONE deserves a vacation every once and a while. And Sweetas and Jack are doing a really good job, and it is insensitive douches like you that I hate
NOT A DOUCHE - JUST STATING MY OPINION YOU DUMB FUCK
'Never mess with a chick with lip liner, no lipstick'
I fucking hate this useless cunt. With a passion.
That is all.
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I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.
She's one procedure away from Jocelyn Wildenstein.
Free All Right Now
Holy Cat Face Lady, Batman!
♥ Threadkilla!
Girls watch porn too!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6478389/girls-watch-porn-too
I went to an Armenian wedding in CA and it ROCKED. The food was awesome and the dancing was awesome and I had a blast. There was some family drama, but it wasn't mine so I just enjoyed the FUCK out of it. Good times.
But these were nice people, not famewhores like the Kardashians.
I'm sure Kris is already offering the honeymoon sex tape to the highest bidder....
And yes, Kris Humpty-dum-dum does look like a low rent Taylor Lautner. Of course she found a guy who's name started with a "K".....that was the most important part cause she's a fucking genius.
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*dreams Jack-N-The-Hat and Sweetas are my baby daddys*
Kris H. is just so gross.
He reminds me of Baby Huey caricatured as Max Headroom.
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GERONIMO!
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 6:28pm.
I can't wait to see the urinal cake centerpieces!!
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Yes, Kris H. as Michaelangelo's David, with the piss pouring out of his wallet.
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GERONIMO!
Where's an outbreak of Ebola when you need one...?
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
You simply cannot fathom the immensity of the f*ck I do not give..
If this bitch has the NERVE to wear a white dress at her wedding, even though everybody knows that she's not, i will think that she's the biggest vapid slut i've EVER SAW... bitch
OH! and for those of you complaining about how MK doesn't post anymore... ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY? he has been posting all day, you just say that to make everybody mad!. I even asked myself if MK had backed out of the idea of sweetass and jack posting because the mayority of the post today were from MK, but i was wrong (thanks god!) i love the way that sweetass and jack write...
Sweetass, Jack, you had made an amazing work, so don't hear what shitty people say! :)
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"If I can't be my own, i'd feel better dead"- Nutshell
Wait! MK is gone? For how long? How do you guys know this?
Congrats Sweetas and Jack.
Echo27-
As Ortho from Beetlejuice says, "You read my mind."
Is it me or does her fiance look like an even uglier version of Taylor Lautner?
The registry had Halloween as the date but who even knows...or seriously cares.
Hey - it's not a real Greek or Armenian wedding unless this hot b!tch shows up. But of course, Kim, Kourtney, and Chewbacca would never let such sessiness upstage them!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuP056P-qdE
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"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face." - A Shore Thing, by the
I can't wait to see the urinal cake centerpieces!!
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Whitang, she can't be KLS until she has rings around her neck.
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"Go away, woman. My cheating medicine will not help you. Even if you win you will still be ugly." ~~ Christopher Moore, Coyote Blue
Why did she get a threading eyelift, she looks like a fucking cat. I don't think she does it with Shrek, she's one of those 'you can't french kiss me, you can't touch my boobs or my nipples, don't mess with my hair, don't touch the face, I only like oral if I am in the mood for it and I don't like getting on top' types. I think she uses every ailment known to medicine to avoid his horsecock.
WORD, babybunny.
also, Jack and Sweetas, thanks; you're doing great!
and when did she turn into Kimora Lee Simmons?
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
So will Kris do the ceremonial castration of the groom before, after, or during the wedding ceremony?
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
Those last two sentences are priceless!
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"Go away, woman. My cheating medicine will not help you. Even if you win you will still be ugly." ~~ Christopher Moore, Coyote Blue
Kim really looks Jocelyn Wildenstein-esque in that pic.
http://mycashdragon.com/?id=1230
Will Wings be the musical entertainment?
By that, I mean Bruce just standing up like a cardboard cutout and looking like an idiot.
SWEETAS!
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GERONIMO!
I feel that blond woman is about to eat my soul
E! use to be a fun channel to watch before this Lardasshian and her family ruined it.
Sweetas & Jack are doing a fine job. Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I think they're MK. Not really, but close enough.
OMG, Kris Humphries looks just like Perez Hilton (NOT A GOOD THING)!!! Same intellect anyway...
The Traveller brides on "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding" don't divulge those very details, either.
<"Submitted by Nanners on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 4:32pm.
And this bitch will have the nerve to wear a gleaming white dress and not the yellow one she deserves.">
I'll ALWAYS think of the classic:
Rose: "Uhm, you were married in a RED dress?"
Blanche: "Oh, come on, Rose. It's one thing to walk down the aisle and hear snickering. But, white? Even I couldn't keep a straight face."
I ought to punch the person who greenlit "Keeping Up With the Kardashians." These people make me sick with their whorish ways.
Kim Kardashian can run into a spear for all I care.
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you seem spritely.
watch me rant: http://www.youtube.com/user/gineriella
what Ding_Dong said
Jesus people, have some Respect, as Aretha would say
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
"Of course! what is the point of having an intimate and sacred moment if you can't whore it out?"
Not much else needs to be said really.
Submitted by UFLauren on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 4:46pm.
I miss MK :o(
'Never mess with a chick with lip liner, no lipstick'
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Listen here, yes MK is gone but you know EVERYONE deserves a vacation every once and a while. And Sweetas and Jack are doing a really good job, and it is insensitive douches like you that I hate