The Patron Saint of Unwed Mothers, Bristol Palin, dropped a bomb in her book “Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far” that the suave and charming Levi Johnston stealth ninja’d in and “stole” her virginity in the night. Basically ho got so drunk on wine coolers (Really? Fucking wine coolers??) that she woke up with a not-so-fresh feeling the next morning and no idea what had happened till she heard Levi bragging to his friends outside of the tent. That Levi, so dapper.
Since that scenario caused a lot of people to pull the date rape card on Levi, Bristol decided to clarify her shit a little on GMA. She basically flip flopped and said “I’m not accusing Levi of date rape or rape at all. But I’m just looking back with the adult eyes I now have and just thinking, ‘That was a foolish decision.'”
Translation: Okay, maybe it wasn’t all Levi’s fault that I was a drunk slut. Accountability: get some. We all did stupid shit as teenagers and I know her babydaddy is a worthless piece of trash, but own your shit ho. I’d like to cry “rape” for some of the embarassing “oh no I di’int” shit I’ve done under the influence, but I just cried on the inside as I did the walk of shame like any normal slut does. Suck it up, hillbilly.