Perfect Headline Is Perfect

June 26, 2011 / Posted by:

Sometimes a priceless story comes along that makes you feel grateful that there are TMI whores out there who will spill the crotch crustaceans to sell their book and this is one of those times. Florence Henderson is out peddling her memoirs and she’s doing so by releasing an excerpt that explains the time the Mayor of New York made her coochie hum the melody to Sea of Love by giving her the gift that keeps on itching. The New York Daily News reports the story that’ll make every guest at the Brady house wish they would’ve never tried Alice’s famous cold craw stew.

“I was lonely. I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do,” writes Henderson, who was married at the time.
Henderson returned home after the romp. When she awoke the next morning, she spotted “little black things” crawling over her body.

Henderson immediately called a doctor who helped her get rid of the tiny parasitic insects also known as pubic lice.

Lindsay, ever the politician, sent Henderson flowers and an apology letter.

“Guess I learned the hard way that crabs do not discriminate but cross over all socioeconomic strata,” Henderson writes in “Life is Not a Stage,” set for publication in September.

“He must have had quite the active life. What a way to put the kibosh on a relationship.”

Mayor Lindsay died in the year 2000 so he’s giving crabs to the angels now and can’t defend himself or turn down an offer to be the spokeswhore for Nix’s crab-killing cream for slutty seniors.

Those were the good old days. When the dicks of New York politicians were whipping up a serving of crab pie in the crotches of wholesome TV moms. Nowadays our politicians only do boring shit like send boring pictures of their boring peens to Twatter tramps.

And thanks to Florence Henderson, I’ll now be singing “Here’s a story of a whory lady...” all day long.

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