Perfect Headline Is Perfect
Sometimes a priceless story comes along that makes you feel grateful that there are TMI whores out there who will spill the crotch crustaceans to sell their book and this is one of those times. Florence Henderson is out peddling her memoirs and she's doing so by releasing an excerpt that explains the time the Mayor of New York made her coochie hum the melody to Sea of Love by giving her the gift that keeps on itching. The New York Daily News reports the story that'll make every guest at the Brady house wish they would've never tried Alice's famous cold craw stew.
"I was lonely. I knew it wasn't the right thing to do," writes Henderson, who was married at the time.
Henderson returned home after the romp. When she awoke the next morning, she spotted "little black things" crawling over her body.Henderson immediately called a doctor who helped her get rid of the tiny parasitic insects also known as pubic lice.
Lindsay, ever the politician, sent Henderson flowers and an apology letter.
"Guess I learned the hard way that crabs do not discriminate but cross over all socioeconomic strata," Henderson writes in "Life is Not a Stage," set for publication in September.
"He must have had quite the active life. What a way to put the kibosh on a relationship."
Mayor Lindsay died in the year 2000 so he's giving crabs to the angels now and can't defend himself or turn down an offer to be the spokeswhore for Nix's crab-killing cream for slutty seniors.
Those were the good old days. When the dicks of New York politicians were whipping up a serving of crab pie in the crotches of wholesome TV moms. Nowadays our politicians only do boring shit like send boring pictures of their boring peens to Twatter tramps.
And thanks to Florence Henderson, I'll now be singing "Here's a story of a whory lady..." all day long.
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I have never laughed so much from reading something as fucking rude and tasteless as this. Honestly, you have to laugh at the sheer ignorance of this crass woman.
Hope she washed her hands before she handed out the school lunch bags to those six Brady kids each morning.
I'm with bookworm..why the over sharing???
Why do you need to leave information like that before you die.
Listen I did some back fucks in my day...Saw one of my pathetic fucks in the train and bolted out of there before he saw me.
There are some things to be left unsaid and chalked up to bad judgment
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
Guy's cure for crabs (I learned this in college):
1) Shave off half of your pubes.
2) Set the remaining hair on fire.
3) when the crabs run out to the other side to escape the fire, hit them each with a hammer.
According to my friend Jeff, this is 100% effective, every time.
FWIW, Lindsay was hot - I'd let him give me crabs!
That choker necklace really seems to be working on Flo. It's way too tight for the good ol' broad. Great to read she fucked around. I hope more women admit to flings and affairs. After all, not all the men are down at the gas station pumping Ethyl!
@MickeyHolland - When you're looking for head lice, you may see something webby on the hair shaft as opposed to actual bugs. Just a tip. (And I hope you never have cause to find them. Regardless of how common head lice is, it still grosses me out!)
pork chops and apple sauce...
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Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent...
frequented too many times square hookers and trannies back in the day when people still had big as fuck bushes with colonies of crotch critters
What a man pig!
He must have known he had crabs. The shit. He shoulda sprayed himself down with some Roundup & taken a DDT bath. Dope.
Obviously, Flo is tryina sell books. But i do believe the story.
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I could happily have gone my whole life not knowing this. Carol & Mike Brady were my dream parents when I was a kid. This is just too much info. Why Florence, why?
Three of my daughter's classmates got head lice last week. I've been scratching my head ever since I first heard about this, but thanks to Anonymoussss I can now fully focus on my eyebrows and lashes. For the first time ever I'm so glad that my kid and me have fine, straight hair that parts easily, instead of the long luscious hair of some of her Moroccan classmates. Good luck finding lice in there.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Ew!
Submitted by Anonymoussss on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 10:01pm.
Yes, and they can go on your eyelashes and eyebrows.
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Ewwwwwww!!!!!
I don't even want to think about ear hair. :(
Thanks for answering my question, Anonymoussss, I was genuinely curious.
Submitted by becky n sydney on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 9:55pm.
I have zero experience with crotch critters. What happens if a gay man with facial hair goes down on infested privates? Can the dicknits migrate into the pornstache? Or nasal hair?
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Yes, and they can go on your eyelashes and eyebrows.
I too have zero experience with crabs. I woke up one morning after the first night with a new boyfriend and felt a slight itch. I totally freaked out and sent him a text saying "You gave me crabs you fucking bastard!!". Turned out he didn't have crabs and neither did I. The relationship didn't last
I have zero experience with crotch critters. What happens if a gay man with facial hair goes down on infested privates? Can the dicknits migrate into the pornstache? Or nasal hair?
My ass disappeared with my hairline!
yOU STILL BOIL THEM KIND OF CRABS TO COOK EM? oR DO YOU MAKE THEM LIKE CEVICHE AND JUST LET THEM FERMENT IN THE CROTCH, THAT'S WHAT MY WIFE DOES AND WE NEED A NEW FUMIGATION METHOD!
Submitted by thegobbler on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 2:04pm.
Unless this tramp is trying to cover up a tracheotomy scar, that necklace does NOT get a pass from me.
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Women of a certain age don't like to show their turkey necks--but agreed she could have picked a more attractive necklace.
The crab cakes are not looking so great right now!
I'm sure Robert Reed was not going to give her the time of day after the show.
Thank you for the best laugh I have had all day.
You can't pray a lie.
Mark Twain
She caught his Ed Krotch critters from playing with his Dinkins?
This is entirely TMI from Carol Brady. Does she think her disgusting revelation will sell her more books or something?
I must admit I always wanted that cool little ski-jacket number with the furry hood that she modeled for Mike in their bedroom (as Robert Reed yawned). Now that was hot!
Submitted by DR.FUNK on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 11:00am.
Y'all need to lay off my ho Flo! I must confess that one of the origins of my "cougar fetish" came from watching this broad on Brady Bunch & Love Boat episodes.Flo was a total hottie.As for her crotch critter situation-hell...back then it was a sign of "empowerment".Critters and/or clap meant you were using your newfound sexual freedom."Slut shaming" is a recent phenomenon.
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Hear hear! Flo had me going thru all sorts of MILF fantasies before they coined the term. Them hips, mmm mm mmmm!
I remember the story about Flo visiting Mike Tyson in prison while he was doing time for that rape charge. Mike had allegedly come on to the chauffeur of his limo earlier that night. She was a mature woman, so I bet ole Flo heard that and decided to pay Mike a little visit to see if she could conjugate a little bit with him. Too bad he turned her away.
"people stopped to stare. I slid down in the carseat. How embarassing."
obviously, you were a very aware tot. cheating and tricks to me at that age meant chutes and ladders and magicians. i would have been excited.
now, before you respond, get out of my face.
*kisses*
-like a bitch in heat, i seem to attract a coterie of policemen and sanitation officials. -JKT
Didn't Florence Henderson come from a generation where people don't talk about this kind of stuff and especially not to the public?
Anyway, I will never understand why people like to admit they've had some std or crabs. I've seen girls talk about it as casually as they would about what they ate for breakfast that morning or what they did the last weekend. My trashy sister in law once screamed at a guy in the Wal-Mart parking lot that he was a dog for cheating on her (they were only fuckbuddies) and also that she didn't appreciate the trich he gave to her and people stopped to stare. I slid down in the carseat. How embarassing.
Hilarious articles like these are the reason why I finally gave in and signed up to become a Dlister!!! HA!
BAI LING ON CELEB REHAB NOW!!!!!
xoxox
The war isn't working.
Move away from the spotlight and consider dignity.
Submitted by Deb on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 6:43pm.
Is there a chapter devoted to her yeast infections, for chrissakes?!
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Hahahaaahaaahaaaa!!
Something about this TMI "teaser" for her new book tells me that this is as good as it gets.
Is there a chapter devoted to her yeast infections, for chrissakes?
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
The tags Michael K uses for this story are perfection.
And to think I was scandalized when I found out that Greg & Marsha made out IRL. Is nothing sacred anymore? Does Flo need money so badly that she has to disclose such humiliating personal information.
Is Alice still alive? That'll be next. Her memoir of prowling lesbian bondage clubs when she left the set.
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Black Dub w/ Daniel Lanois
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 3:45pm.
Um, so crabs are like little bugs right? Can you just light a match and they'll take off like cockroaches?
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Crabs are pubic lice and the fact that she says they were black means they had already bit her and were full of blood. Typically lice are almost transparent, or really pale brown. You treat them like you treat head lice, but with a solution made for the pubic region, and you have to pick them off for a few days, and wash everything you've come into contact with really well. Her story grosses me out on all kinds of levels. She's disgusting.
"He must have had quite the active life." Um, yeah, he's the skank not you, the one that had sex with another man while married. Uh-huh, he's the gross disease ridden one...except then you became one. Pot calling the kettle black.
dude would have had to have known he had the nasty std, especially for flowers and an apology.
fuck that, i don't believe this shit flying out of her dentures.
truth is she probably never said a word to him as she probably gave them to him from her many other vintage rides on random cock.
couldn't she have just said she boned him without saying all this about disease festering in her decayed pussy?
why bother with plastic surgery if one is so fucking hell bent on making their self look bad.
-like a bitch in heat, i seem to attract a coterie of policemen and sanitation officials. -JKT
Submitted by LisaRose on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 4:57pm.
If you have crabs, shouldn't you be treating them immediately? How can one live with such a thing??
He may have just picked them up from someone else a short time earlier.
Damn ! That senior ho is having a moment. Like he would write a letter and send flowers. Didn't she also get it on with the oldest Brady kid, Barry Williams, or whatever his last name, ? That mayor Lindsay was kind of hot. I think she got the crabs from some john, and fantasized about Mayor Lindsay.
If you have crabs, shouldn't you be treating them immediately? How can one live with such a thing??
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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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"Lindsay, ever the politician, sent Henderson flowers and an apology letter."
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Show me the receipts, ho.
Submitted by MrPossumsMama on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 4:02pm.
That was right gentlemanly of him to send flowers. Can you imagine that happening nowadays?
Hey now! I know a guy who gave a girl a ten dollar bill for some RID. He didn't even ask for change!
I would love to see this so-called apology letter...I bet it's full of the LOLs.
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
Pics or you're lying!
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Pete Murray Feeler
♫ And that's the wayyyyy they became the itchy bunch! ♫♪
Yes, her crotch crabs shop at Tiffany's and only wear Cartier Jewelry.
My daughter helped me with the above. lol
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I may in fact NEVER be funny. I am not paid to be funny and being funny isn't a requirement to post on dlisted. Get the FUCK OVER IT, you UNfunny fuckers.
That was right gentlemanly of him to send flowers. Can you imagine that happening nowadays?
Um, so crabs are like little bugs right? Can you just light a match and they'll take off like cockroaches?
Yeah, and Greg gave it to you in the butthole in 1972. Give it a fucking rest you Bradys.
NY Mayor Lindsay...worst mayor ever.
Also reminds me of the movie Grandma's Boy, wherein Nick Swardson makes fun of Shirley Jones's character: "Do you want to hear about my STD from the Great Depression? Or the time I gave Charlie Chaplin a handjob????"
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"I'd hate to have to go around thinking of health & shit like that." Keith Richards, 1997
A little Wessonality wouldn't take care of that???
Blurgh.............
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"I'd hate to have to go around thinking of health & shit like that." Keith Richards, 1997
Submitted by ZiggyStardust on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 10:30am.
When I'm old, I really hope that I don't have to sell stories of the time I fucked outside of my marriage and then awoke to find that my body was playing host to a scene from Starship Troopers.
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AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
If I ever find someone with crabs I will say that and give you credit of course.