Doogie Howser Is Going To Be Somebody’s Husband

June 25, 2011 / Posted by:

As I blog from the front of Mah Boo Anderson Cooper’s firehouse, waiting for him to prance out in a cloud of platinum glitter to propose to me using a ring he made with the locks of his diamond dust-covered pubes, let’s all celebrate the engagement of Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka. You know EVERYBODY and their body waxer got engaged last night and now you can add NPH and DB to that list. They announced it on Twatter last night.

@Davidburtka David Burtka
@Team_Klaine4ver I’ve already purposed, he said yes! Thank god!

Davidburtka David Burtka
@Team_Klaine4ver he proposed to me as well. I said yes! Thank god!

@Davidburtka David Burtka
Neil and I have been wearing rings for years. We have been engaged for a while. It did not just happen.

I wish somebody would purposed to me. No, I don’t know what that means, but I’ve got a $10 off coupon for the free clinic, zero standards and a no-no that’s been through it all so I’m up for everything!

But seriously, this is not only good news for NPH and DB, but it’s also good news for me. I can now follow in the footsteps of my gold digging heroes by marrying a senile old man for his money. I really feel like I haven’t lived up to my full potential until I’ve looked a billionaire pruneface in his cataract lenses and said, “Your billions of dollars don’t mean ANYTHING to me, but I’m allergic to ink and legal papers so I cannot sign that prenup.” Now I just have to find a billionaire pruneface who will make my dreams come true. So if you know of a wealthy old bat who has shit eyesight (so he won’t cringe when I pick and smell my eye boogers in the morning) and prefers the touch of a supple mound of bloat instead of a six-pack, send him my way! You get 10% of my divorce settlement as a finders fee!

And I really can’t wait for NPH’s wedding. My barren tear ducts may get moist when Vinnie Delpino walks him down the aisle to the Doogie Howser theme song.

via HuffPo

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